Hiss-terical

Daycare, Florida, Funny Kids, Pets & Animals, Sons & Daughters, USA | Related | September 30, 2013

(I am picking up my three-year-old daughter from daycare one afternoon. We cross the parking lot to my car.)

Me: “How was school today, sweetie?”

Daughter: “I found a snack!”

Me: “You did? Was it yummy?”

Daughter: “Mommmmmyyyyyy! You don’t eat snacks!”

Me: “What are you talking about, [Daughter]?”

(My daughter stops walking, sets her backpack down, opens it up, and pulls out her “snack,” which happens to be a dead snake.)

Me: “AAAAAHHHHHH!”

(I screamed so loud that two policemen eating lunch in the sandwich shop across the street heard me and came running. Later, one of them said it sounded like someone was having their legs pulled off.)

This story is part of our Snakes roundup!

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Veteran Veterinarian

Children, Funny Kids, Library, Ohio, USA | Right | September 26, 2013

(A girl of about 11 years old, who is a frequent library user, has brought a stack of books to my counter to check out. I’m in my 20s.)

Me: “Oh, lots of books about being a veterinarian!”

Girl: *nods head enthusiastically*

Me: “Well, when you become a vet, I’ll bring my pets to you.”

Girl: *startled expression* “You’ll be dead by then!”

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Can’t Bear To Be Apart

Funny Kids, Funny Stories, Mexico, Siblings, Vacation | Related | July 31, 2013

(My dad uses some connections to reserve us an island to camp on in the Gulf of Mexico. The island is tiny, and we are the only people camping there. The largest animal on the island is probably a rabbit. I am eight, and my brother is three. The week we are there, low tide is around 11:00 pm, and my parents leave to go and look for shells. I’ve never been very good at sleeping, so I decide to follow after them. Eventually, they run into me on the beach.)

Dad: “[My Name], is that you?”

Me: “Yes, Daddy!”

Dad: “Do you know what time it is?”

Me: “Dark.”

Dad: “Yes. Why aren’t you asleep in the tent?”

Me: “There’s a bear attacking the tent. It scared me.”

Dad: “Baby, there aren’t any bears on the island. Why do you think there’s a bear attacking the tent?”

Me: “I heard it. It growled and banged on the wall.”

Mom: “Where’s your baby brother?

Me: “He was asleep already. I left him for the bear to eat.”

This story is part of our S’Mores Day roundup!