Tipping The Scales In The Afterlife

, , , , , , , | Related | May 7, 2018

(From the time we were kids until she passed, my grandmother insisted on taking my cousins, uncle, and me out to eat the first Sunday of every month at a local diner. She always insisted on paying, and would always tip a single dollar. We are at her funeral dinner, and I turn to my cousin with a confession.)

Me: “I don’t think Nana ever got that a dollar tip was kind of an insult. I started leaving an extra tip hidden under my plate for the waitress.”

Cousin: “Wait, what? I was doing the same thing!”

(Laughing for the first time since Nana passed, we run over to [Cousin #2], who shockingly says that for the past few years he has been lingering behind to drop an extra tip on the table. By this point, we are all doubled over with laughter. Our uncle comes over and we tell him what’s up.)

Uncle: “So, I should tell you something. I’ve been handing a tip off to the waitress before we get seated since you guys were kids, to make up for Nana’s tipping.”

(It turns out everyone except my two youngest cousins, who are still in highschool and don’t have jobs, has been leaving between 10% and 20% tip! We all went from feeling guilty about Nana’s tipping habits to realizing that they must have thought we were the best tipping family, in an over-complicated sort of way.)

Can’t Rise From These Ashes

, , , , , | Working | May 2, 2018

My grandmother recently died. Funeral arrangements were pre-planned. My dad and his sister do not get along. He started taking care of all the details, but his sister had to sign some paperwork. It took almost a week for her to sign it.

However, in this time, the funeral home director sent the proof of the death announcement for the papers that my grandmother wrote with my dad — to his sister. She made significant, inaccurate changes. The funeral home director didn’t consult with my dad, and that was published in the papers.

My father complained, since he paid for this service. He was told that they would look into it. However, when my dad showed up to pick up my grandmother’s cremated remains, he was told that he couldn’t have them until he paid the bill for the newspaper announcement. He paid it. Then, they spend half an hour trying to locate Grandma. Eventually, they found her in a storage closet.

My cat died two days after my Grandma. My vet treated my cat’s ashes, and me, with more respect than my dad and Grandma’s ashes received.

TL;DR: Grandma’s ashes were held ransom and misplaced.

Made A Grave Mistake

, , , , , | Right | December 1, 2017

(This exchange takes place during my first year managing a particular cemetery. We have a policy, posted on the gate to the cemetery and printed on the back of cemetery maps, that people may decorate graves for holidays/special occasions, but that decorations will be removed a week after the holiday and disposed of. Although it isn’t posted policy, we also store the removed items outside the workshop for about a week before throwing them out. People who have been visiting the cemetery a long time know about the unofficial policy, so they’re not always quick to get decorations they want to keep off the graves, and may drop by to root around in the “decorations heap” to retrieve their items. We never guarantee their things will be there.)

Customer: “What happened to the Christmas decorations on my husband’s grave?”

Me: “We remove holiday decorations a week after the holiday, ma’am.”

Customer: “How is anyone supposed to know that?”

Me: “It is posted policy, ma’am. The sign at the entrance to the cemetery explains it, and we do recommend not placing items you want to keep in the cemetery.”

Customer: “I spent a lot of money on those decorations! I spent a lot of money and time, and you’re going to reimburse me for them!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry you’re upset, but it is cemetery policy to remove the holiday decorations a week after the holiday. We’re not going to reimburse you.”

Customer: “Oh, yes you are! I spent over $200 on my decorations, and they were removed, and I want them back! Where are they?”

Me: “Items left in the cemetery are disposed of, ma’am.”

Customer: “You threw them AWAY?! Where are they? You used to put decorations somewhere out back so people could get them!”

(As that was never posted policy, she wouldn’t know about it unless she’d been decorating the grave, and having her items removed, for years, so our “items are disposed of” policy could not have been a surprise to her.)

Me: “We did store them, ma’am. We kept all removed decorations out back for two weeks before disposing of them. We also didn’t take the decorations down for two weeks this year, instead of the single week that is our posted policy, so there were actually four full weeks you could have come retrieved your items before they were thrown away.”

Customer: “But it’s still the holidays! Other people still have holiday decorations up!”

Me: “We don’t prevent people from redecorating graves, ma’am, but those decorations will also be removed. And as our posted policy says, we remove holiday decorations a week after the holiday.”

Customer: “Just where is this policy posted?”

Me: *getting very tired of repeating myself* “At the gate to the cemetery, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, I celebrate the holidays through the end of January, so it is still the holidays, and you took my things down, and you will reimburse me!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am, but it’s several weeks past Christmas and we will not be reimbursing you.”

Customer: “Well, you’re going to be sorry! I’m going to write a letter of complaint! You have serious problems here. I’ve had things removed, and things have been stolen before, and you have no security here—”

Me: *fed up* “Yes, ma’am, because this is a cemetery, not a bank.”

(Naturally, the customer was furious with me and stormed out. I mentioned the exchange to one of the cemetery owners, who was my boss, just in case the customer called or wrote the owners to complain about me. The owner just rolled her eyes and said she knew exactly who I was talking about, and that she complains like that every year!)

Must Give Some Very Distracting Sermons

| NC, USA | Friendly | September 9, 2016

(I am a pastor at a local church. I am in line for visitation for one of our members, and I am directly in front of two elderly ladies who are also members of the church. Although I wear a clerical collar to lead worship, it’s evening and I am dressed in a blouse and slacks. To pass the time, I turn and greet them. We chat for a moment, one of them looking very puzzled. At last she brightens and says, in the loud voice of the slightly deaf.)

Elderly Lady: “Oh, Pastor! I didn’t recognize you without your clothes on!”

Creeping Away From Your Destination

| IL, USA | Right | October 24, 2015

Me: “Funeral home, how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I am coming to my friend’s funeral this morning and I need directions.”

Me: “Certainly, ma’am, where are you coming from?”

Caller: *suddenly upset* “I’m not telling you where I live! Why would you ask me that!?”

Me: “Um, I don’t need your address ma’am. I just need a general location to give you directions.”

Caller: “Well, I feel uncomfortable telling you that.”

Me: “Well, I cannot tell you how to get here if I don’t know where you’re coming from.”

Caller: “You’re not very good at giving directions, then. This is why people think you funeral home people are creepy. Who asks what someone’s address is? That is a total invasion of privacy.”

Me: “Well, if it helps, our location is [Intersection in Town].”

Caller: “That doesn’t help me at all! Thanks for nothing, creep.”

1 Thumbs
1,085
VOTES
Page 1/212