(I’m talking with a friend.)

Friend: “That sure sucks for you.”

Me: “That’s life. C’est la vie.”

Friend: *pause* “La vee?”

(My dad has worked with a man from El Salvador for many years, and they have become close friends. When this friend first moved to the US, he took classes to improve his English skills, but in the meantime, the language barrier led to a lot of funny misunderstandings between him and my dad. They got used to laughing together about all the little ways both English and Spanish can be confusing. My dad learned a bit of Spanish from his friend but never enough to really understand a whole conversation. One Father’s Day, my dad thinks it would be nice to call his friend and wish him a happy holiday, and he thinks it would be extra nice to say it in Spanish.) 

Dad: “Hey, I just wanted to wish you a happy Father’s Day! Feliz papa Dios!”

Friend: *laughing uncontrollably*

Dad: “What? Didn’t I say it right?”

Friend: “You meant, ‘Feliz Día del Padre.’ What you actually said was–” *pauses to laugh* “–’Happy potato God!’” 

Dad: *laughing, too* “Well, I was pretty close!”

Friend: “‘Papá’ with the accent on the end means ‘dad,’ but the way you said it with the accent at the beginning, it means ‘potato.’ And ‘día’ means ‘day,’ but ‘Dios’ means ‘God’!”

Dad: *smiling, shrugs* “Well, at least you knew what I meant!”

Friend: “Somehow I always do!”

(Now it has become a tradition that my dad has to call his friend every year on Father’s Day and wish him “Happy Potato God!” When my sister and I call our dad on Father’s Day, we tell him the same.)

(There is a tiny island — literally less than 15 square feet — near my house. When I am nine, two friends and I kayak to explore it.) 

Friend #1: *after walking around the whole island* “Okay, so now what should we do?”

Friend #2: “Ooh, I have an idea!” *lights a match* “Let’s make a fire.”

Friend #1 & Me: “No, no, no, no! We are not going to burn the island down!”

Friend #2: “Oh, come on. It’s just a little fire.”

Me: “Okay, first of all, you’re eight, so we aren’t lighting a fire. Second, you are only wearing a bathing suit; like, where did you even get the matches?!”

Friend #2: “I carry them everywhere I go.”

(We kayaked home and she proceeded to light every single candle in my house… without adult supervision, of course. I’m still wondering why parents would let an eight-year-old walk around with matches.)

(Our Boy Scout troop is visiting a museum. One of the boys is diagnosed with ADHD, but his parents don’t like him being on medication and regularly have him go without it. As a result, he can be a handful to deal with at times. At the end of the trip, we’re all in the gift shop when a friend and I notice the boy with ADHD grabbing a harmonica from one of the racks and walking with it over to the cash register. Realizing what will happen later, we both exchange horrified looks and immediately turn to one of the assistant scoutmasters who drove up in his own car.)

Me: “Say, is it okay if we ride back with you?”

Assistant Scoutmaster: *confused* “Umm… okay, I guess?”

(So, while the rest of the troop loads up in the van to head back, we get in the car with the assistant scoutmaster. Halfway back, we stop off at a gas station. My friend’s mother, who came along with for the trip and has been riding in the van, gets out with a very annoyed look on her face.)

Me: “Let me guess. [Boy With ADHD] was playing the harmonica the entire time?”

Friend’s Mother: *through clenched teeth* “Non… stop.”

This story is part of our Boy Scout roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Crazy Stories About Camping, S’mores, And The Great Outdoors!

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We were young. We were in love. We had great friends who helped us out when we got married. It was thirty-four years ago. All that made it possible to throw our wedding for less than $400.

When an acquaintance at college asked about our wedding, she pressed for the financials. When I told her, she said, “Then you’re not really married!”

I avoided her after that. (By the way, we are still happily married.)