Not A Complete Transition

, , , , | Friendly | December 13, 2017

Not A Complete Transition

Outdoors, UK

(I’m walking my friend home after a night out.)

Friend: “Can we stop and talk, man-to-man?”

Me: “Sure. We’re both women, but sure.”

Friend: “That’s what I wanted to talk about.” *deep breath* “I’ve been feeling like this for a long time, and I’m pretty sure I’m trans. I’m so sorry.”

Me: “What do you have to be sorry about, other than that awful segue? Man-to-man… Well, man-to-woman, now.”

Friend: “What?”

Me: “Well, if you’re a man, it’s man-to-woman.”

Friend: “But, you’re supposed to come out to me now!”

Me: “Huh? You think I’m trans?”

Friend: “Just look at you. You’re dressed as a man!”

(I look down at myself.)

Me: “I don’t think a Frank N. Furter outfit screams, ‘I’m a trans man.’”

(He threw a fit then and there, and ended up getting the police called on us for disturbing the houses around us. I’ve tried to be there for him, and offered him lifts and a place to stay if anything happens, but he refuses to acknowledge me until I come out, too. I don’t know why he thinks I’m trans, as the only thing remotely cross-gender thing I do is dress up like Frank N. Furter a lot, and he’s the one who introduced me to Rocky Horror in the first place. For the time being, though, I’ve had to put our friendship on hold.)

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Getting The Green Light On That Diagnosis

, , , | Friendly | December 11, 2017

(I have brown hair. I decide to dye it green but keep the same style.)

Friend #1: “Whoa, that hair!”

Friend #2: “Nice hair.”

Friend #3: “Love what you’ve done with your hair.”

Friend #4: “Looks good on you.”

Friend #5: *confused* “What about the hair?”

Rest Of Us: *even more confused*

(That’s how we found out that friend was color-blind.)

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Living Under A Pride Rock

, , , , , | Friendly | December 10, 2017

(Jazz band class has let out early, so a bunch of us are gathered in the instrument closet, hanging out. The conversation turns to movies.)

Trombone: “The saddest movie moment when I was a little kid was when Mufasa died.”

Me: “Wait, who?”

Trombone: “Mufasa, from The Lion King.”

Me: “Oh. Never seen it.”

Everyone: “What?!”

Trombone: “No way! That movie was my childhood! You must’ve been living under a rock!”

Alto Sax: “Under a rock, under another rock, under the world, under the universe…”

(While he’s talking, one of the vocalists enters the closet and hears our conversation.)

Vocalist: “Why’re you making fun of [My Name)?”

Alto Sax: “Well, we were talking about movies, and–“

Vocalist: “So? Just because she hasn’t seen some movie—”

Alto Sax: “—she hasn’t seen The Lion King.”

Vocalist: *jaw drops* “Under a rock, under another rock…”

(It’s been a year, and they still joke about me living under lots of rocks. And in case anyone is wondering, no, I still haven’t seen “The Lion King.”)

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That Should Perk(ins) You Up A Little Bit

, , , , | Friendly | December 9, 2017

(I look similar to the comedian Sue Perkins to the point where random people I don’t know comment on it. I’ve found out that two-thirds of the employees of the company I work for, including me, are either going to be made redundant. As it’s early days, no one at the company knows what’s actually going to happen to us, including the people who have made this decision. My biggest issue with the entire situation is the fact I had just felt like I had gotten my life back on track after a nasty period of time, and that has been taken from me. I’ve been messaging a friend about it, when she decides to call me. We have a bit of a conversation when this happens:)

Friend: “Just remember, though, there is only one you in the world, and no one can replace you.”

Me: “Sue Perkins.”

Friend: *pause* “Well… That’s a pretty good replacement, to be fair.”

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Hair Comes Trouble

, , , | Friendly | December 8, 2017

(My friends and I are going on holiday together. For one of them, this is his first ever flight, and his first time even at an airport. He’s a large bearded man, but a total kid. Understandably, he’s incredibly excited. He’s also not great with common sense.)

Friend: “Come on guys! Let’s go! Let’s go!”

(At this point, he’s literally bouncing up and down with his gigantic backpack on.)

Me: “Slow down, [Friend]; we need to clear our bags with security first.”

Friend: “Sweet! Race you there!”

Me: “[Friend], NO!”

(Cue a large, bearded man sprinting headlong towards security with a gigantic backpack. We practically had to tackle him. He honestly didn’t understand what he’d done wrong.)

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