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He Took The Initiative And Ran With It

, , , , , , | Friendly | December 13, 2022

I’m playing a Dungeons & Dragons game with a bunch of my friends. For months, we had a Rogue who had insane luck with the dice. He always rolled exceptionally well. It was only a long time later that we found out that he was using sleight of hand to conceal a pair of loaded dice.

Rogue: “In my defence, I’m playing a master thief and assassin. I’ve stolen from banks, escaped from prisons, assassinated our foes, and infiltrated deep behind enemy lines. Using loaded dice in a game shouldn’t be surprising. If anything, it should be obvious.”

There’s a long pause.

Gamemaster: “Well, I can’t argue with that.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s actually a good point.”

Warrior: “All in favour?”

All were in favour.

How To End A Friendship In A Year Or Less

, , , , , | Right | December 12, 2022

I do freelance seamstress and custom costume work on the side while working at a part-time job and as an intern for a dance costume company. Back in November, the part-time job had significantly cut my hours, so I took on a few extra freelance projects to bring in money, and one of them was for a friend of mine who was looking to put together a costume.

Client: “Hey, I know people commission costumes from you sometimes. I was hoping you could maybe make a costume for me based on [Character] from [Video Game Franchise]?”

Me: “Yeah, sure. I have some time right now, and if you could give me some more details, I’m sure we could figure something out.”

She proceeded to provide me with some reference images, and we agreed on a time frame as a basic price point. We were both full-time students working part-time jobs, so I was willing to cut her a bit of a break on my labor costs, and with her permission, I looked into using materials that were a little cheaper in quality than what I usually used. I usually have the client also make a down payment of around half the price at the start of the project, but she had bills to pay, and I was naive, so we agreed on a payment plan for once the project was finished.

Just to reiterate my stupidity at the time, the project was a true full costume, including a fair dozen garment pieces, as well as some light armor and small accessories and props, and I was being paid a pittance. I cannot express how considerably low the price was for the project because I just really needed the work.

I fully broke down the pricing of the project for [Client] in a level of detail I won’t go into here, which was also explained to her in person on multiple occasions.

Me: “Okay, the cost for all of the materials will be [material cost] and the labor will be [labor cost], making the total for the project [total]. Does that work for you?”

Client: “I could definitely pay that!”

Me: “Sounds good to me. I will get the materials tomorrow, and I can start working on the project immediately. It will be done in about two weeks.”

I completed it on schedule.

Me: “Here it is! If you’re happy with the completed project and there’s nothing else to alter, your payment plan will start on [date #1] and I will be in touch.”

Client: “Everything is perfect and looks great! I love you! This means a lot, to be honest.”

After literal months of contacting her through phone and email and talking to her in person, I never saw a dime of the agreed amount, and I was beginning to get distinctly frustrated. Finally, she began actually responding to me again.

Me: “Hello, [Client], it has been nearly half a year since I made that costume for you, so I really need to figure out with you how you would like to pay.”

Client: “I completely understand. I’ve been avoiding it, and that’s really s***ty of me. How much was it again?”

Me: “We agreed on [total] as the total, but if you don’t have all of that together now, as long as we put together a detailed payment plan, I’d completely understand.”

I proceeded to brainstorm a variety of payment plans and solutions that could maybe work for her. She put together what she had of the total at the time, and we agreed that she would pay me [amount] the next day and the rest on [date #2]. I thought it was a little weird because she wanted to pay in cash, and I usually conduct business through Paypal, but I was just relieved to finally at least get back my material costs.

That night, at literally midnight she texted me with a screenshot of my original price breakdown from November.

Client: “Hey, so, like, I looked at our old messages at the price we had originally agreed on, and it was only [material cost], not [total]. I took screenshots as proof, and I promise I’m not trying to cheat you out of anything; I just really do not have the funds to pay [total].”

Me: “It’s not [material cost] because that was just the material cost; I charged you for materials and labor because I don’t work for free. That’s what the message says. [Material cost] + [labor cost] = [total]. I can get my receipts for the materials and tax paperwork for you if you want.”

Client: “Okay, you just never specified when we first agreed to the whole commission.”

Bulls***.

Client: “Honestly, if I knew the original price was gonna be [total], I wouldn’t have asked for it because I know I don’t have the funds. However, since you obviously already did it, I have to pay for it.”

Me: “I’m sorry if you misunderstood, but I definitely specified right there in the screenshot that you sent me what the cost would be.”

Client: “It’s fine. I’ll try my hardest to get it all to you.”

I had to physically go to her house the next day to get the cash from her, and after I arrived, she slammed the door in my face while I stood there, stunned. She came back a few seconds later with the amount we discussed and reiterated that I would have the rest by [date #2]. [Date #2] came, and I contacted her again to make sure she would be paying me the rest.

Me: “I haven’t heard from you, and it’s the date we agreed on, so I just wanted to ask: when do you think I’ll be able to come to get the money from you?”

Client: “Well, since I don’t have a job, my boyfriend has to help me, so I have to talk to him.”

What kind of actual human adult acts like this?

Despite my attempts, I got radio silence for the next fifteen days.

Me: “Hello. I’m checking in again because the last time I saw you, you said you’d be able to pay me back, and it has been a couple of weeks. I really need the money by [date #3]. This needs to be finished. I think I have been more than patient.”

Client: “Fine, I’ll get it.”

Yesterday, nine months after the end of the initial project, I received the remaining amount in cash and, weirdly enough, a handful of quarters, dimes, and nickels. Was all of that worth the trouble? Definitely not. Am I pleased as punch that I never have to see her again? Absolutely.

I’d like to kind of bookend this by saying that before this project and since, I have worked on a variety of projects for friends and family along with my usual freelance work, and I have never had an issue of this caliber with any of them. I’m honestly baffled by the whole thing.

Married To A Holey Man

, , , , , , , | Friendly | December 7, 2022

I am talking with the married coworkers from this story.

Wife: “If I don’t stop him, he wears clothes with holes in. He’s terrible.”

[Husband] mutters.

Me: “I’ve noticed that my socks don’t wear out evenly, surprisingly, so if I put two pairs on, the holes don’t line up and they’re still wearable.”

[Husband] starts listening with interest.

Wife: “DON’T GIVE HIM IDEAS!”

Related:
Married To A Yes-Man

This Customer’s Twin Brain Cells Are Struggling

, , , , , | Right | December 4, 2022

My best friend and I are shopping at a mall, and just for fun, we have decided to dress alike. We are both wearing black and purple Tripp pants and black tops.

We stop at an alternative clothing store for a bit and start browsing the back wall. Someone says, “Excuse me,” loudly, and [Friend] assumes they want the shirts he is currently standing in front of, so he moves to the side a bit. 

This is followed up by a louder, “Excuse me!” so he turns to see which section they’re trying to get to so that he can get out of their way.

Friend: “Am I blocking the shirts, or did you want these tops over here?”

Customer: “I need you to unlock the fitting area for me.”

[Friend] realizes what’s happening.

Friend: “Oh, sorry, I don’t work here. I think I saw an employee over by the anime stuff, though.”

Customer: “Are you sure you don’t work here?”

Friend: “Yes.”

Customer: “Because your coworker over there is wearing the exact same uniform as you.”

Friend: “Oh, she’s my bestie. We decided to match today because it makes people think we’re twins.”

Customer: “You’re a guy; she’s a girl.”

Friend: “Yeah, but people see the matching outfits and assume we are.”

Customer: “You’ve told this lie before, haven’t you?”

Friend: “It’s not a lie. We’re not employees here. Please leave us alone.”

The customer actually leaves, and we assume that’s the end of it. Unfortunately, it is not.

About ten minutes later, the customer comes over with an employee in tow and points us both out.

Customer: “Them. They told me some bulls*** story about them being twins.”

Employee: “Uhh, they aren’t employees here. I think they’re matching because they really are twins.”

Customer: “They can’t be twins. They’re not both boys or girls.”

I have a mental “WTF” moment.

Employee: “I can’t do anything if people want to dress alike in our stores. I’d be happy to help you find what you’re looking for today.”

Finally, the employee is able to corral the customer away from us.

Friend: “Twins now have to be the same sex?”

Me: “Dude, I told you the public school system here sucks. But hey, next time, you could cross-dress.”

Didn’t Ex-speck-t To Be So Sleepy

, , , , | Friendly | November 30, 2022

I’m on the phone with a friend late at night. I’m working with some software for a hobby, and she’s writing a paper for school.

Friend: “Why won’t this period delete?!”

Me: “Is it a speck on your screen?”

There’s a moment of silence.

Friend: “Yes…”

Me: *Trying not to laugh* “That’s what you get for writing a paper at 11:42 at night!”