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We Take It Back: Let Someone ELSE Fix Your Car

, , , , , | Friendly | December 20, 2022

I submitted this story about my friend and his inability to work on his car. This story is about his decked-out Honda Prelude and his inability to understand how cars work mechanically.

My car buddy did work hard throughout high school for his money to do what he wanted with his car, and he liked the idea of making his car one of a kind in the area — body kit, exhaust, intake, headers, lowering kit, lightweight flywheel, new paint, and so on. (All this work he either had a mechanic do or we helped him.) He put a lot of his money into the car, and it looked great and ran great.

He wanted to get a short-shift kit for the car. He was looking at kits in his magazines and trying to decide which one to buy the last time I talked to him.

A few days later, my car buddy and a mutual friend of ours stopped by my house. He was excited about how he’d done the work himself, putting on a short-shift kit for his car. It surprised me that he was capable of doing such work on his own, so I was leery about it right off the bat.

What he didn’t do was actually buy a short-shift kit. Here’s what he did.

He unscrewed the shifter knob, cut the shifter down to half its stock length using a Dremel tool, and then glued the shifter knob back onto the shorted shifter lever.

He was pumped that he had a shorter throw for the shifter so he could shift faster. Our mutual friend and I told him that the shifter itself wasn’t supposed to be cut and that short-shifter kits are specially designed for the car to allow the transmission to work as it should like it still has stock parts on it without any problems. Cutting the shifter was going to cause problems with synchros, gears, and transmission. He said it was working and would be fine.

Fast forward a few days. I was at work, getting ready to start working, and in walked our mutual friend to start his shift; we all worked there.

Friend: “I have to help [Car Buddy] take his Prelude to the mechanic after work because the car won’t shift into first gear or third gear. He has to start it in second gear and jump to fourth gear… or stay slow enough to only be in second.”

Our car buddy had to spend all his summer money that year to get his Prelude fixed because he was too cheap to get a short-shift kit for his car, thinking he could do the work on his own.

Don’t Be A Tool; Learn To Fix Your Own Car

Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 45

, , , , , | Friendly | CREDIT: fredzred | December 17, 2022

This is one of many stories I have about a woman I had the displeasure of knowing. Apart from going camping alone and using her phone as a flashlight, this is one of the stupidest things she’s ever done.

This happened about four years ago. [Friend] was thinking about buying a laptop because she wanted to use a computer wirelessly instead of her desktop PC. She asked me for my opinion about what to get. I’m not an expert when it comes to PCs and laptops, but I have a good understanding of them.

I’d been friends with [Friend] for about three years at this point, and I knew that she wasn’t the smartest knife in the drawer, so part of me was dreading this. But on the other hand, I wanted to see how this would play out.

Friend: “I’m thinking about buying a wireless computer. What do you think I should get?”

Me: “Wireless computer? Oh, like a laptop?”

Friend: “Yeah, a laptop. But it has to be wireless.”

I tried to make sure I was on the same page as her.

Me: “You can use a laptop wirelessly, but it still needs to be plugged in to charge.”

Friend: “Plugged in? I’m buying a wireless laptop.”

She said “wireless” loudly and slowly as if I didn’t understand the word.

I gave up on trying to understand what she was getting at, knowing from past experience that it’s like talking to a brick wall.

Me: “Um, okay, then. What do you want to use it for? And what’s your budget?”

Friend: “I want to use the Internet, play video games, and do some video editing, so it needs to work fast. I can only afford about $300.”

(That’s Australian dollars.)

Me: “You’d be hard-pressed to get a new laptop that does all that for under $900. You might find a used one for that price, but I doubt it would be much good. My laptop cost $4,000 and it does everything I need it to.”

Friend: “Can I just have yours, then?”

Me: “What? No, sorry.”

This conversation went on for well over thirty minutes. She kept debating me about the price and not understanding why I didn’t just give her mine because “that’s what good friends do”. She ended up leaving saying she’d “figure it out herself”.

A few days later, I got a call from [Friend]. She was frantic.

Me: “Hey, [Friend]. What’s up?”

Friend: “I bought a wireless laptop yesterday and it’s stopped working. How do I fix this?”

Me: “What have you been doing on it? Have you downloaded something you shouldn’t? What’s on the screen now?”

Friend: “It’s black on the screen. I turned it on when I got home and set it up. It was working fine last night, but when I went to check on it this morning, it wouldn’t turn on.”

Me: “Okay, don’t panic. Bring it to my place and I’ll have a look at it. Bring the box, too.”

[Friend] lived two blocks away, so she arrived ten minutes later. She only had the laptop with her but no charger. I had a feeling that it was just flat, but I tried turning it on just in case. Nothing.

Me: “Where’s everything else it came with?”

Friend: “This is all that was in the box.”

Me: “Where’s the box?”

Friend: “I didn’t think I needed the box, so I threw it out.”

Me: “Please tell me you kept the charger? Bin collection was last night!”

Friend: “What charger? I bought a wireless laptop.”

Me: “Wireless doesn’t mean cordless. It just means that if it’s charged, you can use it without the charger until the battery goes flat.”

Friend: “What are you talking about? The man at the store said it was wireless.”

Me: *Internally face-palming* “It’s the same as your phone. If you don’t charge it, it goes flat, which is what’s happened here. You need to charge it.”

Friend: *Not listening to reason* “I’ll just buy a new battery. This one’s probably broken. Do you have a spare battery?”

Me: “A new battery? Do you know what a computer battery looks like? They don’t just sell them cheap at the store like remote control batteries. They’re expensive.”

She gave me a blank stare.

Me: “You needed that box. It has the charger, the instructions, and the warranty information.”

Friend: “But I didn’t need the box. I only needed the laptop. This is supposed to be WI-RE-LESS!”

I gave up trying to explain it to her, and she never asked me about computers after that.

I still don’t understand where her logic was coming from. I wonder if she ever got a charger? Who knows?

Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 44
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 43
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 42
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 41
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 40

“He’s Not Particularly Loquacious”

, , , , , , , | Friendly | December 15, 2022

I have an eloquent friend. He answers the phone one day.

Friend: “[Last Name] residence. To whom do you wish to speak?”

Caller: “I must have the wrong number. Nobody I know uses the word ‘whom.’” *Click*

If The Geeky Shoe Fits…

, , , , , , | Learning | December 14, 2022

I’m at my ten-year high school reunion.

Acquaintance: “I haven’t seen you since school! So, what are you doing these days? Computer programmer? Computer engineer? Computer technical support?”

Me: “You just assume the geeky guy went into computers, huh? Well, I’ll have you know I’m a teacher.”

Acquaintance: “Oh? What subject?”

Me: “Computer skills.”

He Took The Initiative And Ran With It

, , , , , , | Friendly | December 13, 2022

I’m playing a Dungeons & Dragons game with a bunch of my friends. For months, we had a Rogue who had insane luck with the dice. He always rolled exceptionally well. It was only a long time later that we found out that he was using sleight of hand to conceal a pair of loaded dice.

Rogue: “In my defence, I’m playing a master thief and assassin. I’ve stolen from banks, escaped from prisons, assassinated our foes, and infiltrated deep behind enemy lines. Using loaded dice in a game shouldn’t be surprising. If anything, it should be obvious.”

There’s a long pause.

Gamemaster: “Well, I can’t argue with that.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s actually a good point.”

Warrior: “All in favour?”

All were in favour.