From Myspace To Sharing Space

, , , , , , , | Romantic | August 4, 2019

Years ago, my best friend, who is male, met a really cool girl who liked all the same music that he did. There was never anything there romantically, but they often went to gigs together and he would show me the photos afterward.

Despite the fact my best friend had become close with this girl, I never actually met her, but I had seen photos on social media and had spoken over MySpace — under a ridiculous emo name — etc.

This was about ten years ago, when we were all heading to university and we lost touch. My best friend moved far away and my online-only friendship with this girl ended.

Over a year ago, a new guy started working at my office, and there was an immediate attraction. I recognised his face and his surname. Pre-transition, he had been the girl that I used to chat with online! I didn’t want to say anything, because he passed well and no one in the office knew. So, I kept quiet.

This guy and I got very close very quickly. Just for context: I am a stereotypical girly-girl. Long hair, likes makeup and dresses, etc. And before long, I asked him out on a date.

The date went brilliantly, and one date became two, and two became more. My boyfriend still hadn’t broached the subject of his gender, which was fine. But I could tell that he was worried about telling me, and he later admitted that he had dug himself into a hole about it.

One day, my boyfriend sat me down. He was somber. I honestly thought that someone in his family had died! The moment had come. Before he had a chance to speak, I put the poor bloke out of his misery.

I explained that I was pansexual, and that I knew who he was. I showed him my old emo MySpace. Suddenly, he remembered who I was! We had a good laugh about it.

We’d both done the exact same thing to each other: kept quiet just to not rock the boat. Sums us both up, really.

We’re still together and happy. I plan to ask him to marry me on his birthday next month.

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The Silence Of The Fans

, , , , , , | Right | July 30, 2019

(There is a villain in Doctor Who known as “The Silence.” They are instantly forgotten the moment you look away from them. My friend is going in to get a tattoo done that features the villain along with the words, “Silence will fall.”)

Tattoo Artist: “So, just the words will be [price].”

Friend: “What about the alien?”

Tattoo Artist: “What alien?”

Friend: “This alien.” *holds up reference picture*

Tattoo Artist: “Oh, right, hang on.” *turns to calculate price* “Just the words will be [same price as before].”

Friend: *getting frustrated* “But what about the alien?!

Tattoo Artist: “What alien?”

Friend: “The f****** alien in the picture!”

Me: “[Friend], I think he’s just messing with you.”

Friend: “What?”

Me: “Remember where the alien comes from?”

Friend: “Son of a b****.”

Tattoo Artist: “Sorry about that, man. All together, it will be [different price than before].”

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Bright Green With Envy

, , , , , , , | Romantic | July 28, 2019

When I first started dating my boyfriend, he had a female friend that obviously had feelings for him. My boyfriend is on the spectrum, and I can honestly say that he never noticed. But I did.

I hadn’t seen the girl in a while when my boyfriend came home looking very confused — not angry or upset, but perplexed.

He told me that the girl had told him that I had cheated on him the night before, and she had seen me at the local club dancing with lots of men and women before going home with one.

When my boyfriend asked his friend to clarify, she said, “I knew it was her because of her horrible, bright green hair! She looks like a goblin, ugh!”

My boyfriend’s confusion stemmed from the fact I had dyed my hair from the green to cotton candy pink the month before.

Because he has Asperger’s, he was more concerned that the girl couldn’t tell the difference between green and pink than her lies. He informed her of all of this in his usual impassive way.

She ran away crying.

Thus the friendship ended, running its course.

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What The *BEEP* Are You Talking About?

, , , , | Friendly | July 25, 2019

(This is back in the days of landlines and touch-tone phones. For those of you unfamiliar with this technology, in our area of the US at least, after initiating a call, you could press the number buttons on a landline and the corresponding would sound in the earpiece of the person on the other end. Also, the longer you pressed, the longer the tone. I call my best friend and his sister answers. We’re all around the age of 14. I’m known for messing with my friend’s siblings…)

Friend’s Sister: *answers phone* “Hello?”

Me: *BEEP*

Friend’s Sister: “[My Name]?”

Me: *affirmative BEEP*

Friend’s Sister: “[Friend] isn’t here right now.”

Me: *sad BEEP*

Friend’s Sister: “I’ll have him call you when he gets back.”

Me: *happy BEEP*

Friend’s Sister: “Bye.”

Me: *BEEP*

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Game Of The Century (Old Wording)

, , , , | Friendly | July 24, 2019

I am invited to my friend’s house for a board game night. My friend is from India, as are my parents. Both my friend and I speak Telugu. My friend is from Chennai, and so he also speaks Tamil. 

Before I show up, my friend texts me that one of his Tamilian friends will be there who doesn’t speak Telugu but does speak English, and asks if that is all right. I say that it is, because most of the guests weren’t Telugu anyway. 

I show up a little late, and when I get there, one of the other guests — a loud Kannadiga man — is yelling at the host, “What do you mean, he speaks English?” 

It turns out that the friend of the host had grown up in a poor neighborhood and so hadn’t learnt English in school, but instead learnt it through reading Charles Dickens, P. G. Wodehouse, and C. Rajagopalachari’s translation of the Mahabharata, meaning his English was archaic and full of half-remembered similes and poetic phrases. 

It was a very tough game night.

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