Two Movies About A Time Warp

, , , , , , , | Friendly | August 25, 2019

It was Halloween and the local theatre was playing The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

My best friend and I dressed up. He went as Rocky and I decided to dress as Frank N Furter. We went all out.

When we arrived at the cinema, the usher told us that there was a half-hour wait before the screen would open to allow us inside. The film did not start for forty-five minutes.

My friend and I waited in the coffee shop past the ticket check with all of the other Rocky Horror fans, when I noticed that some people were going into the screen we had been directed to. I made a comment and my friend dragged us after the people so we could choose some good seats before they were taken.

We pushed open the doors — my friend in his golden hot pants and body glitter, me as a sweet transvestite — to a completely full theatre, waiting for the tail end of the season’s most popular action movie.

Rather than turn tail and run, my friend suddenly clapped and remarked that he hadn’t seen the film. He pulled me into a seat and I slowly sank deeper and deeper as we watched the last ten minutes of Looper.

So many people turned around in their seats to catch a glimpse of us in costume, and whispered to one another, that no one could hear the dialogue for the end of the film.

When the film ended, we stayed in our seats and watched Rocky Horror without an issue. When we got chatting to one of the ushers as we were leaving, they remarked that they had seen us slip into the theatre, but thought that the reactions we would get were too funny to bother stopping us.

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Crafting A “The Floor Is Lava” Room

, , , , , | Friendly | August 22, 2019

(I’ve recently started a casual, semi-survival server for my friends and me on a popular block-based game. On this day, I’m alone on the server collecting supplies underground, a fairly decent ways away from our base, when one of my friends logs on. All of this takes place through the in-game chat function.)

Friend: “Hey! Don’t be alarmed, but I am going to do some house construction.”

Me: “That’s fine. What are you gonna do?”

Friend: “I’m going to replace walls and stuff to be more open and modern, and expand some things to make a living room and kitchen. :-)”

Me: “Ooh, I can’t wait to see it.”

(There’s radio silence in the chat for about 20 minutes when…)

Chat: “[Friend] tried to swim in lava.”

(About five minutes later…)

Chat: “[Friend] tried to swim in lava.”

(Five minutes later…)

Chat: “[Friend] burned to death.”

Me: “What on earth are you doing?!”

Friend: “You’ll see! :-)”

(She was digging out the area under our base and creating a natural-looking lava pool that was to then be covered in glass. She’s so lucky I decided to turn “keep inventory” on.)

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I Am Become Cat, The Destroyer Of Worlds

, , , , , | Friendly | August 18, 2019

Friend: “I don’t understand why your cat’s nickname is Demon Kitten. She’s never been anything but sweet every time I see her.”

Me: “She is sweet. She’s also a crazy devil creature whose greatest joy in life is to sow destruction wherever she treads.”

Friend: “So, she’s a normal kitten.”

Me: “Yup, a perfectly normal kitten. Though she did decapitate an angel once.”

(She was so proud of herself for knocking that figurine off the shelf.)

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The Alone Ranger

, , , | Friendly | August 12, 2019

(My sister and I are attending church with our mother. Our brother usually comes with his four-year-old, but they’re not with us this time. About halfway through the service, our nephew’s friend abruptly jumps out of his pew, scurries down the aisle, and climbs into our mother’s lap. His mother trails behind him at a more church-friendly pace. After the service, we finally get a chance to talk.)

Mom: “[Friend] must have been disappointed to get all the way back here and see [Nephew] wasn’t with us today.”

Friend’s Mom: “No, that’s why he came back. He told me you must be very lonely without [Nephew], so we had to keep you company.”

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Calico-No-No

, , , , | Friendly | August 10, 2019

(When my boyfriend goes to a party for one of his old college friends, another college friend tells him that her cat is pregnant and almost due to give birth. My boyfriend and I have been thinking about getting a kitten for some time now, so my boyfriend thinks this is the perfect opportunity to get one. He immediately expresses interest in adopting a kitten once they are born, and the college friend agrees to let us have one and keep us posted. Three weeks later…)

Boyfriend: “I haven’t heard from [Friend] yet about that pregnant cat. Let me text her.”

(He gets a text back saying that the cat gave birth two weeks ago.)

Me: “I thought she would keep us posted?”

Boyfriend: “Maybe she forgot. Let me make an appointment, so we can choose which kitten we want before we can take it home.” 

(Kittens need to stay with their mother for at least eight weeks.)

Boyfriend: “All right, I made an appointment to go see the kittens in two weeks. She couldn’t make time earlier than that.”

Me: “Sounds reasonable. I’m so excited!”

(It’s five days before the appointment and we get a text from that friend.)

Friend: “I hope you don’t mind, but I gave every kitten away except one. Is that a problem?”

Us: “What?! Of course, that is a problem! We wanted to choose our own kitten! We wanted a calico cat and now all you have left is a grey-white!” 

(There were four calico kittens and one grey-white.)

Friend: “Oh, I didn’t know you wanted to choose.”

Us: “Why else do you think we made that appointment?! We made that specifically so that we could choose our own kitten!”

Friend: “So, do you still want that kitten?”

Us: “Actually, no. We are not going to be treated like this. You failed to inform us in the first place that the kittens had been born, you scheduled an appointment with us quite late because you couldn’t sooner, and now you’re taking away our choice?! What do you think they are? Stuffed animals? We were really looking forward to a kitten, but we are now going to search for another litter of kittens. Thanks for nothing!”

(We never heard from her again about this matter. [Friend], please take into consideration that with real animals, there are real human emotions attached to the choosing process. I really hope you won’t disappoint future cat adopters if your cat is pregnant again.)

 

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