(During the Halloween season, my local amusement park turns into a “haunted” park. It’s great fun with multiple attractions, one of which is a very slow ride on tracks through an “old abandoned chemical factory.” Completely in the dark, at different points in the ride, people dressed as monsters pop out and say scary things or go “boo” or whatever. My friend and her husband are riding, and my friend HATES clowns.)

Friend: “If something jumps out at me, I’m going to scream!”

Friend’s Husband: “Well, that’s kind of the point of a haunted house–”

(Suddenly, a worker dressed as a creepy zombie clown pops up out of nowhere and starts following the car.)

Creepy Clown: “BOO!”

Friend: *screams*

Friend’s Husband: “Oh, come on, that wasn’t even that scary— Wait. Don’t I know you? [Clown’s Real Name], is that you?!”

Creepy Clown: *straightens posture and smiles* “Oh, hey, dude! Haven’t seen you since high school! What’s up?!”

Friend’s Husband: “Nothing much, just figured we’d stop by here on my day off. Nice weather for it.”

Creepy Clown: “Isn’t it, though? Well, hope you have fun!”

Friend’s Husband: “Thanks, dude! See ya!”

Creepy Clown: “See ya later!” *goes back to creepy posture and voice, then turns toward my still-cowering friend* “BOO! I’ll see you later, as wellllll!” *laughs evilly and then runs off*

Friend’s Husband: * bursts into laughter*

Friend: “I HATE YOU ALL!”

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(I am working weekends at a popular amusement park in one of the haunted houses. My scare is to run out of the shadows and strike a wall while screaming whatever I want, within reason.)

Me: *striking the wall* “YOU’LL BE ONE OF US SOON!”

(The girl at the front of the group screams and I hear a familiar laugh. As I reach my reset position, I realize that she is being held back by a kid I’ve known his entire life. So I decide to do a second scare.)

Me: *striking the wall again* “DON’T LAUGH,  [FRIEND’S NICKNAME]! I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!”

(He screamed and bolted through the rest of the maze.)

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(My friend is a well known WW2 buff. She is telling me a really cool story about a man who disguised himself as a Nazi and rescued a lot of Jews by doing so, when a bat flies past us. We love bats.)

Friend & Me: “Ooh, a bat!”

Friend: *pauses* “You know, that’s usually how it goes with me. Nazis, Nazis, Nazis, OOH, A BAT!”

(We are working on a PowerPoint about Scotland in our digital literacy class.)

Friend: *types out* “As they say in Scotland…” *turns to me* “What do they even speak in Scotland? Scottish?”

(One day later.)

Friend: “OH. Scottish is what you call the people.”

(One week later.)

Friend: “What do they speak in German? Germany?”

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(I am attending a work party. We are allowed to bring plus-ones so I have brought along my male friend. My colleague brings her boyfriend. My friend and her boyfriend have been getting on very well and have been talking for ages. My friend has wandered off to get something. It should be noted that compared to most people in my office, I am very “geeky.”)

Colleague: “Okay, so, now that we know [Boyfriend] and [Friend] get on, I’m going to do the really awkward introductory thing so that you get to know [Boyfriend]. [My Name], [Boyfriend] likes comics. [Boyfriend], [My Name] likes comics.”

Boyfriend: “Awesome! You do?”

Me: “I do?”

Colleague: “Er, don’t you?”

Me: “Um… they’re all right. I mean, if you give me one, I’ll read it. But I don’t go out of my way to read them, and even then, it’s usually manga.”

Colleague: “Oh. Well, this is embarrassing. I could have sworn you said you liked comics.”

Me: “Like I said, I don’t dislike them; I just don’t really read them. That being said, [Friend] reads them.”

(My friend happens to walk up to us at that point.)

Friend: “What do I read?”

Me: “Comics. Apparently, [Boyfriend] does, too.”

Friend: “You do? Awesome! Which ones?”

(My friend and my colleague’s boyfriend immediately launch into a long discussion about comics.)

Colleague: “So… that didn’t work. They’re just talking to each other again.”

Me: “Hey, at least they’re making new friends!”

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