(I’m 22 and have recently enrolled in college after dropping out of high school at age 16. Whilst I wasn’t good at making friends or attracting girls when I was 16, at 22 I’ve grown up enough to work out how to do both quite well. One of my new friends has spent the last few weeks seriously crushing on one of the girls in class. However, his awkwardness has managed to scare her off more than anything. I’m sitting in class one day and the girl comes in, sees me, and for no reason gives me a big hug.)

Me: “What was that for?”

Girl: “You looked like you needed a hug and I wanted to give you one.”

Me: “Aww, thanks. I do feel better now.”

(She gives me a second big hug and goes back to her seat. I look across the desk and see my friend with a look on his face of utter confusion.)

Friend: “I don’t get it. I say all the nice stuff and offer to buy her lunch and I can’t get a hug… You sit there looking a little sad and girls just hug you… How do you do it?”

Me: “Well… first off, you spend the next two years getting nowhere with girls. Then you turn 18 and go to a bar and realize that you can talk to girls if you’re a little drunk… Then, after remembering enough of the things you said during those times, you start to realize that it’s as simple as just talking to them like you would any other person.”

Friend: “I see… So, you’re saying that I just need to be normal.”

Me: “No. You need to get drunk.”

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(I’m hanging out with my friend and her fiancée, picking out music for my group to play at their wedding. We’re all female.)

Friend: “Oooh, have you got- You do! Let’s put Somewhere Over the Rainbow in, that’s perfect.”

Me: “Okay.” *checks it off list*

Friend: “And then…” *leafs through binder* “Yeah, let’s do Rainbow Connection, too.”

Fiancée: *singing* “Why are there so many songs about rainbows?”

Friend: “Uhhh, because it’s a gay wedding. Duh.”

Fiancée: “Good point.” *keeps singing*

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(I am talking with a friend of mine at our live-action role-playing meeting.)

Me: “…so then we were going to do a Ravenloft thing but it never happened.”

Friend: “What’s Ravenloft? Is that another kingdom?”

(Chapters are referred to as shires, baronies, and duchies based on size. Kingdom represents an overseeing organization that handles rules, mundane business details, and other such things for multiple chapters.)

Me: “Umm, no, it’s a Dungeons and Dragons campaign setting.”

Friend: “Oh, hmm, I hadn’t heard of it. I don’t play D&D.”

Me: “Really? Do you read fantasy novels?”

Friend: “Not usually.”

Me: “You at least know who Tolkien is, right?”

Friend: “No, what Kingdom is he from?”

Me: “He wrote the Lord of the Rings, which sort of started the whole fantasy genre.”

Friend: “Oh.”

Me: “You mean this is the first fantasy thing you’ve done? You realize, this is near the deep end of geekdom right?”

(Since then he’s gotten heavily geeked out. Most recently, I’ve seen him cosplaying as Bebop from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.)

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(At choir practice, my friend and I are talking about our parts in the song we’re about to sing. She is an alto and I am a soprano.)

Friend: “Ugh, alto.”

Me: “Come to the high side. We have awesome melodies.”

(I’m visiting my friend in hospital. His room is a four-bed ward and has a view into the football oval where one of the local teams has practice.)

Me: “Hey, man, you got a cool view. You can watch the local team practice.”

Friend: “Pfft, footy is a p***y’s game.”

(A voice pipes up from the bed across from my friend.)

Other Patient: “Hey, kid, watch your tongue. Some people like footy.”

(I laugh and turn around to see who’s talking. I get a fright when I see the guy in the bed across from my friend, a massive bloke covered in tattoos and with a broken leg, glaring at us.)

Friend: “Yeah, whatever. It’s still a p***y’s game. Are you going to make me shut up? You can’t walk.”

Other Patient: “True, but I can hop.”

(Just as I’m starting to get scared that my friend is going to be thrown out the window or something, the big guy and my friend start laughing.)

Other Patient: *to me* “Hey, love, you can relax. We’ve been taking the piss out of each other for days.”

(We got chatting and he turned out to be a really nice, not so scary guy.)

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