Leave It To Ben & Jerry To Make Things Awkward, Part 3

, , , , , , | Romantic | July 27, 2020

I’m at home. A friend is staying with me due to quarantine. While she is on Facebook, she tells me there is a new Ben and Jerry’s flavor called “Netflix and Chill.” I have been single for five years.

Me: “So I’ll finally be able to get some Netflix and chill!”

Friend: “It is peanut butter ice cream; you’re allergic to peanuts.”

Me: “Maybe I should start thinking about becoming a nun, since not even ice cream will let me have some Netflix and chill.”

Related:
Leave It To Ben & Jerry To Make Things Awkward, Part 2
Leave It To Ben & Jerry To Make Things Awkward

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Monkeyshines About Moonshine

, , , , , | Friendly | July 25, 2020

I am with my friend whose parents are first-generation immigrants from Saudi Arabia. He mentioned that he isn’t allowed to hang out unsupervised with his cousin who recently came to America because his cousin is a bad influence, but he refused to share details.

In psychology class, we are talking about prisons.

Me: “Alcohol is banned in prison but the prisoners make it out of fruits and sugar; I’m not sure how it works.”

Friend: “It’s made out of fruits or grain — anything with carbs — and then you have to ferment it. You can boil it in your kitchen if you have one, but obviously they can’t in jail…”

He goes on to explain how to make moonshine. Several kids make jokes about his suspicious knowledge.

Friend: *Quietly, to me* “This is why I’m not allowed to hang out with my cousin anymore.”

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All Signs Point To Confusion

, , , , , | Friendly | July 23, 2020

My grandfather, who passed many years ago, loved to tell this story. When he was younger, road signs were not always easy to find. One day, he and a bunch of friends went to Canada on a whim, staying long enough that it was dark when they left.

They got turned around until they finally found a sign… that was too high up to show in the headlights. So, they got the sign down and held it in front of the car.

Success! It read, “New York,” with a distance and an arrow.

Of course, they then started arguing about which way the arrow had been pointing when it was up.

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Mmm… Tasty, Tasty Pillows

, , , , , , | Friendly | July 22, 2020

I really enjoy cooking, and living in a city with such a large population of immigrants and student visas allows me the opportunity to introduce foreigners to American and western foods they haven’t tried yet.

I’ve made friends with a young Chinese woman who is going to be coming to my house to have dinner with some of my friends. I’m still planning out the menu so I am showing her some pictures of foods I’ve cooked in the past to see if she has any preferences for what she’d like to try.

I bring up a picture of ravioli in marinara sauce. My friend gets a look of recognition on her face but seems to be struggling to find the right words.

Friend: “Oh, oh! You made the… um… it is spaghetti but it is pillows.”

Me: *Chuckling* “Yes, but we sometimes call them ravioli.”

Friend: *Smiling* “Oh! Ravioli… I want that.”

The three-cheese ravioli were a hit that weekend.

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I Guess He Wasn’t Hungry Like The Wolf

, , , , , | Friendly | July 20, 2020

I witnessed this in the 1980s. Back then, “urban tribes” were a much more important thing than now. Either you belonged to a group or you didn’t, but if you did, there was a very specific code for how to dress and what to listen to. The three classmates in the story are all “paninari,” wearing colourful clothes of designer brands.

Classmate #1: “Hey, mate, do you like Dire Straits?”

Classmate #2: “Of course, I do! They’re the favourite band of the paninari!”

Classmate #1: “What the f***, mate? The favourite band of the paninari is Duran Duran!”

[Classmate #3], who heard the exchange, stood up without a word and started taking off his designer jumper, shirt, belt. He only stopped when [Classmate #1] retracted, but not before we saw that his fantasy-print Y-fronts were from a name brand, too!

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