(It’s lunchtime at my school and I decide to pass some time by watching a popular YouTuber who’s known for calling herself a proud “holosexual.” A couple of my friends notice and we start to talk about her. Afterwards…)

Friend: *whispering to me* Isn’t ‘holosexual’ also term for someone who likes anal?”

(She isn’t living that one down anytime soon!)

(I’m assistant director for our school’s spring musical, and it is my job to pick up some old basketball uniforms from the gym and bring them to the theatre. The coach who’s letting us borrow them tells us that if any actors don’t fit in the uniforms we’ve got, we should send them to the gym to try out more. As it turns out, one of the actors doesn’t find one that fits. Later on, I’m telling my friend what happened.)

Me: “Yeah, they all found a costume that fit except [Actor], so we’re sending him to the gym.”

Friend: “That’s horrible!”

Me: “Not really. He can just stop by after school or something.”

Friend: “So, you just told him to go and lose weight, so he’d fit in the costume?”

Me: “Oh, my God! No! I’m sending him to the gym to try on the other uniforms so he’ll find one that fits!”

(My friends and I are all hanging out on the couch when [Friend #1] comes bursting through the front door, giggling like a child.)

Friend #1: “Guys, you’ll never believe it! I just managed to sneak these out of [Clothing Store]!”

(He then pulls down his pants to show several layers of swimming trunks underneath them.)

Friend #2: “Bro, you do realize I’m one of the managers over there, right?”

Friend #1: “So you know how hard it is to steal from that place! I don’t know how I managed to get away with it.”

Friend #2: “You didn’t get away with it, idiot. Once they see a discrepancy that big, they’re going to review the tapes and see your stupid a** walking out of an empty fitting room.”

([Friend #1] goes pale as he thinks about this, then quickly strips in the middle of the living room, shoving the swimsuits into [Friend #2]’s lap.)

Friend #1: “Man, you have to take them back for me!”

Friend #2: “Hell no! I’m not getting fired over your stupid mistake. You take them back; you’re the one who messed up.”

Friend #1: “Man, why are you being such a d**k right now? If you work there, you can just take them back!”

Friend #2: “If you want me to take these back, then you obviously don’t care about my job. So, I’ll do you one better. I’ll go ahead and call the police to report theft. How’s that sound?”

(This ended in a screaming match and near fistfight between the two friends, as we all just kind of sat back and watched, dumbfounded by how stupid the situation was. Eventually, [Friend #1] decided to take the swimming trunks back himself. He fessed up to a different manager, and they said they wouldn’t press charges since he brought everything back. The boys are still friends to this day.)

(My friend and I are both girls, and we both do cosplay. I am at her house and we’re both working on costumes for an upcoming convention. She has finished most of the skirt prior to me arriving, and she’s fussing over what is essentially a wonky seam on the petticoat.)

Friend: “It’s just not going correctly!”

Me: “When you put it on, is it visible?”

Friend: “I don’t think so?”

Me: “Put the skirt on.”

(She puts the skirt on. The bit she doesn’t like is pretty much right between her legs and hidden within the folds of the skirt.)

Me: “That doesn’t matter, hun.”

Friend: “But what if someone notices it’s not right?”

Me: “It can only be seen if someone sticks their head up your skirt and puts their face in your crotch. You would have bigger things to worry about than a wonky hem in that situation.”

(I have a medium-sized makeup collection which naturally includes makeup brushes. I saved up for two years to be able to collect every brush I need to apply my makeup, like specific eye brushes and things like that. All of my brushes are pretty expensive — none of them cost below 18 dollars — hence the time it took to create my collection. Also, being a high school student in my last year, I’ve mostly been saving up from my job and allowance. I sort of justified spending a lot on them because you should only have to buy them once and not again and again. My friend, however, uses cheaper brushes from dollar stores or online. One day, she asks me this:)

Friend: “You know, for [cosmetology class], I’m kind of embarrassed bringing in my old brushes.”

(In our cosmetology class, there are many times where we learn to apply our own makeup with different techniques, and sometimes we do facials, so afterwards we have to put on our makeup again. I’ve already done the class, but my friend just went in.)

Me: *joking* “Just hide and do it in the corner then.”

Friend: “Yeah, but I was wondering if you, like… wanted to switch our brushes for a week?”

Me: *giving her a non-believing look* “Um, really?”

Friend: “I was thinking of it for a long time. It would be fun!”

Me: “No. First of all, you know how long it took me to collect all of my brushes. Second of all, I would have to wash them before I lent them to you, and after again!”

Friend: *shocked* “I can’t believe that you would say no! I would’ve lent mine to you.”

Me: “Well, yours are more… cheap. I’m not lending mine; maybe you should have saved up for yours, too.”

Friend: “I can’t believe you. I would’ve lent mine to you for however long you wanted!”

(She then stormed off. I know that she likes my brushes, but I actually spent a lot on them; I’m not just going to hand them over for a “week.”)