Stupid Friends Are A Hobbitual Hazard

, | Friendly | April 11, 2014

(We’re having a movie night at the youth club, and a couple of counselors and I are discussing movies. I’m a 20-year-old female, Friend #1 is a 16-year-old female and Friend #2 is a 15-year-old male.)

Friend #1: *after Friend #2 and I discussed ‘127 Hours’* “No, I don’t want to see that! Why would you tell me how it ends?”

Me: “Really? It’s based on a 10-year-old real event; it’s not like it’s a spoiler.”

Friend #1: “It is when I haven’t heard the story!”

Me: “There was even a book about it. It’s like when people complain about The Hobbit spoilers when the book came out 70 years ago.”

Friend #1: “The book and the movie are two different things!”

Me: “No, not really.”

Friend #1: “Whatever. What’s this about?” *picks up movie*

Friend #2: “It’s your typical surfer movie. You know, all about catching that big wave.”

Friend #1: “Are there any cute guys in it?”

Friend #2: “Sure.”

Me: “Yeah, him!” *points to the male lead*

Friend #1: “Really? Who is he?”

Me: “You’re kidding, right? That’s Gerard Butler.”

Friend #1: “Don’t know him. Wait, his name is Butler? Isn’t that like a house-cleaner person?”

Me: “Do I even know you?”

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A Good Friendship Is On The Cards

, , , , , , | Friendly | March 17, 2014

(I’m highly articulate, but not especially emotional. This sometimes causes problems where I am misunderstood. My roommate and good friend has recently related to me that she had been uncertain whether or not we were friends until one evening, when it came to her like a revelation.)

Roommate: “We had chatted for a while and hung out together. It wasn’t until that one night when you were off work earlier than I was, but you stayed after to talk to me until I was done working. Then I knew that we were friends.”

(This is a strange concept to me, as I had thought it was more obvious who I did and did not like. One day, I am asked to drive a mutual friend to run an errand. This is a new friend, and we laugh and talk about things that we have in common. I later talk to my roommate about the trip.)

Me: “I really like [New Friend]. We should hang out more.”

Roommate: “Oh, good. I was just talking with [New Friend] about that. It seems she had no idea you guys were friends until you took her to run that errand, and you had a good time.”

(I may start issuing cards that say, “Congratulations! We are friends now!”)


This story is part of our Making Friends roundup!

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Florida, Key East

, , , , | Friendly | February 22, 2014

(My best friend and I are talking about a group holiday and where we could go.)

Me: “We’ll have to go somewhere that everybody agrees on. We can’t go to a place just one person wants to go to.”

Friend: “Yeah, it’ll have to be somewhere that caters for everyone. Some tourist attractions, a couple of clubs, and a beach.”

Me: “Precisely.”

Friend: “Ooh, what about that place in Spain. Oh, what’s it called? Sounds like ‘Florida’.”

Me: “I don’t know a place in Spain beginning with—”

Friend: “Tenerife!”


This story is part of our Spain-themed roundup!

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Actually, There’s Probably An App For That

, , , | Right | August 11, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “My buddy list is empty.”

Me: “Maybe none of your friends are online right now?”

Caller: “It doesn’t COME with friends?!”

Me: “No, sir…”

Caller: *click*

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Dude, Where’s My Brain

, , , | Right | July 23, 2009

(Two guys walk into our video rental store, find their video, and come up to pay.)

Coworker: “What’s your phone number?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s [phone number].”

Coworker: “Okay, so, [Customer]?”

Customer’s Friend: “Holy s***, man, he knows your name!” *turns to my coworker* “Dude, what’s my name?!”

Coworker: “…”

Customer: “Dude, I have an account here.”

Customer’s Friend: “Oh. I’m going to go wait in the car…”

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