When Making Friends Don’t Be Scared To Break A Leg

, , , , , | Friendly | October 1, 2014

(I’m visiting my friend in hospital. His room is a four-bed ward and has a view into the football oval where one of the local teams has practice.)

Me: “Hey, man, you got a cool view. You can watch the local team practice.”

Friend: “Pfft, footy is a p***y’s game.”

(A voice pipes up from the bed across from my friend.)

Other Patient: “Hey, kid, watch your tongue. Some people like footy.”

(I laugh and turn around to see who’s talking. I get a fright when I see the guy in the bed across from my friend, a massive bloke covered in tattoos and with a broken leg, glaring at us.)

Friend: “Yeah, whatever. It’s still a p***y’s game. Are you going to make me shut up? You can’t walk.”

Other Patient: “True, but I can hop.”

(Just as I’m starting to get scared that my friend is going to be thrown out the window or something, the big guy and my friend start laughing.)

Other Patient: *to me* “Hey, love, you can relax. We’ve been taking the piss out of each other for days.”

(We got chatting and he turned out to be a really nice, not so scary guy.)

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Baptism By Fire

, | Friendly | June 25, 2014

(This exchange occurs during a game of Catchphrase, a game kind of like Taboo, where you describe a word without saying the word in order to get other players on your team to guess it. Friend #1 is describing the word, while the rest of us are guessing.)

Friend #1: “You put children in this and they cry…”

Friend #2: “FIRE!”

(Everyone looks at Friend #2.)

Friend #2: “Well, I hear ‘children’ and ‘cry’…”

(The word was apparently ‘playpen.’)

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Judged By The Beast

, , , , , | Friendly | June 3, 2014

(One of my closest friends is a youth pastor, and he has asked me to come to his church to judge a talent show. Before the talent show starts, my friend takes me and three other judges to another room to instruct us on what to do. He also gives us each a set of signs with large numbers printed on them, so that we can hold up our scores for each performance.)

Judge #1: “Hey, I just realized I don’t have a 6 in my set of signs.”

Judge #2: “It’s not just you; I’m missing a 6, too.”

([Judge #3] and I also check our signs. We’re also missing the number 6.)

Judge #3: “Oh, I know why! Maybe [Friend] didn’t give us any sixes so we don’t accidentally hold up a 666!”

(This kind of makes sense, considering where we are, and the judges seem content with that answer.)

Me: “Or you know, you could just hold the 9 upside-down, and [Friend] was trying to conserve paper and ink.”

Judge #3: “Err… yes, that is also a possibility.”

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Stupid Friends Are A Hobbitual Hazard

, | Friendly | April 11, 2014

(We’re having a movie night at the youth club, and a couple of counselors and I are discussing movies. I’m a 20-year-old female, Friend #1 is a 16-year-old female and Friend #2 is a 15-year-old male.)

Friend #1: *after Friend #2 and I discussed ‘127 Hours’* “No, I don’t want to see that! Why would you tell me how it ends?”

Me: “Really? It’s based on a 10-year-old real event; it’s not like it’s a spoiler.”

Friend #1: “It is when I haven’t heard the story!”

Me: “There was even a book about it. It’s like when people complain about The Hobbit spoilers when the book came out 70 years ago.”

Friend #1: “The book and the movie are two different things!”

Me: “No, not really.”

Friend #1: “Whatever. What’s this about?” *picks up movie*

Friend #2: “It’s your typical surfer movie. You know, all about catching that big wave.”

Friend #1: “Are there any cute guys in it?”

Friend #2: “Sure.”

Me: “Yeah, him!” *points to the male lead*

Friend #1: “Really? Who is he?”

Me: “You’re kidding, right? That’s Gerard Butler.”

Friend #1: “Don’t know him. Wait, his name is Butler? Isn’t that like a house-cleaner person?”

Me: “Do I even know you?”

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A Good Friendship Is On The Cards

, , , , , , | Friendly | March 17, 2014

(I’m highly articulate, but not especially emotional. This sometimes causes problems where I am misunderstood. My roommate and good friend has recently related to me that she had been uncertain whether or not we were friends until one evening, when it came to her like a revelation.)

Roommate: “We had chatted for a while and hung out together. It wasn’t until that one night when you were off work earlier than I was, but you stayed after to talk to me until I was done working. Then I knew that we were friends.”

(This is a strange concept to me, as I had thought it was more obvious who I did and did not like. One day, I am asked to drive a mutual friend to run an errand. This is a new friend, and we laugh and talk about things that we have in common. I later talk to my roommate about the trip.)

Me: “I really like [New Friend]. We should hang out more.”

Roommate: “Oh, good. I was just talking with [New Friend] about that. It seems she had no idea you guys were friends until you took her to run that errand, and you had a good time.”

(I may start issuing cards that say, “Congratulations! We are friends now!”)

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