Fighting An Upload-Hill Battle

, , , , , | Working | July 28, 2019

(In France, there are four major ISPs, and they are having an ongoing coverage war for optic fiber Internet. Every building can decide which ISP they’re going to be connected with, and the subsequent connection needs heavy work, literally digging trenches in the sidewalk to install fiber in the ground. So, when you land in a building with fiber installed, and you’re interested in having a fiber connection, you go with the ISP already in place. I have just moved in and gotten my box installed using an extremely interesting discount price when I receive a call from a telemarketer.)

Telemarketer: “Hi, I’m [Telemarketer] from [ISP #1]. May I speak to the person in charge?”

(I could say I’m not interested and hang up, but I have some time on my hands. I figure it’d be funny to see this person try to upsell me. I was right.)

Me: “That would be me.”

Telemarketer: “Okay, great! May I ask what ISP you are with and what your Internet plan is?”

Me: “I’m with [ISP #2], and I have the Fiber at 100Mbps down and 20Mbps up for 10€ a month.”

Telemarketer: *pause* “Oh… Okay! Do you know we at [ISP #1] have right now a very interesting discount for a plan at 10€ for the first year?”

Me: “Um, okay, but you guys don’t have fiber connected to my building, so that’s not really a great deal for me…”

Telemarketer: “Wait, we can’t know that before I check!”

Me: “Well, I just subscribed, so I’m pretty sure that it…”

Telemarketer: “One moment, please! Your address is [address], correct?”

Me: *sigh* “Correct.”

Telemarketer: “Okay, then, let me put you on hold for just a sec!”

Me: “…”

Telemarketer: *one minute later* “Okay, it appears that your building is indeed not connected yet to our fiber network. But may I ask why you need the fiber? Our DSL connection is very fast and reliable, and for browsing Facebook and YouTube, even in HD, it’s plenty!”

Me: “Well, first of all, depending on the distance to the hub and the traffic, DSL for a 4K video may not be ‘plenty,’ and second of all, for my work, I often need to download and upload up to a couple of terabytes of files a month, so fiber was actually a quite important criteria in choosing my place. And excuse me, but what did you mean by ‘10€ a month for the first year’?”

Telemarketer: “It’s an exceptional discount offer; after one year the price goes back to normal.”

Me: “Which is?”

Telemarketer: “24.99€ a month. But your current offer is the same, isn’t it?”

Me: “Actually, no, if you recall there were ads on TV for it a month ago. It was a very limited offer, but the discount lasts a lifetime.”

Telemarketer: “Oh, I see… Well, you know, I was checking [ISP #1]’s network, and it says that within 18 months we will have your building connected to our fiber network, and then I can offer you a free upgrade to the fiber plan! So, what do you say?”

Me: “So, let me get this straight. Your DSL plan is what, 20Mbps down and 2Mbps up?”

Telemarketer: “Yes…”

Me: “So, you offer me a plan that is literally five to ten times slower than my current plan—“

Telemarketer: *trying to cut me off* “Yes, but—“

Me:With the vague promise that it’s gonna be upgraded in the not-so-distant future—“

Telemarketer: “Well, yes, and—“

Me:But, in one year’s time, this plan, which will hinder my work, will have the advantage of becoming almost three times as expensive as the one I’m on now, and will leave me paying more for a worse plan, waiting for an upgrade that may or may not come?”

Telemarketer: “Okay, but what TV channels do you have with your plan?”

Me: “I don’t own a TV, and I’m staying with [ISP #2]. Goodbye now!”

(You still have to admire her perseverance and dedication!)

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Put An End To That Train Of Thought

, , , , , | Friendly | June 17, 2019

(I am a teenager travelling with my parents and my little brother for a summer trip to Amsterdam. My mother is Japanese, and I am half Japanese, but since I have several ethnicities I look nothing like my parents. My features are described to be difficult to pinpoint, and I have been mistaken for many different ethnicities all throughout my life. I have most often been mistaken as Indian. At this point, I am wandering the aisles of our express train and looking for our seats. I finally find them and see we are seated next to another family. I don’t pay much attention to them, but I suddenly overhear their conversation.)

Other Father: *in Japanese* “Ugh, I see an Indian family will be sitting next to us on this train.”

Other Mother: *in Japanese* “They are probably going to be so loud. What a shame.”

Me: *loudly, and in Japanese* “Mom! Mom! Looks like our seats are here.”

(The other family was absolutely shocked. I proceeded to talk to my parents, who both understand Japanese, very loudly about various topics. The family next to us looked visibly embarrassed and did not utter a word for the entire rest of the three-hour train ride.)

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One Piece To Keep The Peace

, , , , | Working | April 26, 2019

(We’re in the year 2000 or close. As a teenager, I’m slim and “nicely built” — or so I’ve heard — yet I am VERY modest, especially in the chest area, and my family know its and respects it. I don’t mind girls who wear low-cut clothes — I think it’s really great if they enjoy it and I HATE slut-shaming — yet I’d rather be slapped or punched than show the slightest part of my “parts.” Up until now, most girls and women have worn one-piece swimming suits on the local beaches, and I’ve loved it. However, bikinis are coming back into fashion and my mom wants to buy me one of those. I accept, thinking she’ll find me a modestly cut two-piece or something that’ll cover everything I want to cover. She makes me try a dozen bikinis on. All of them are too low-cut for my tastes, and the shop assistant — male — is staring.)

Me: “Mom, I don’t feel good in any of those.”

Shop Assistant: “Are you sure? Because you look great in all of those!”

Me: “I don’t feel good. I’d like to try something more modest, please.”

(The shop assistant comes back with a swimsuit that is even more low-cut than the previous one. I’m running out of patience.)

Me: “I’d like to try a one-piece on!”

Mom: “But you look so much better in a bikini!”

Me: “Mom, everyone looks good in one-pieces! They hide all the flaws!”

Shop Assistant: “Which flaws? Your mom’s right; you have a bikini body!”

Me: “It’s my body and I want to try a one-piece. I just prefer stuff I can swim in without ever losing the straps.”

Mom: “Try this one on first.”

(I try it. It’s still too low-cut for my tastes.)

Me: “I’d prefer a one-piece.”

Shop Assistant: “One-pieces are for grandmothers. Is that what you want to do: look like a granny? That would be a waste!”

Me: “I’d like something that’s not that low-cut, please.”

Shop Assistant: “Why? You have beautiful breasts.”

(He was staring at my cleavage, and I was just a girl. I felt dirty. To all shop assistants who read this: if a customer ever tells you she wants something more modest, just give her something more modest. Don’t make her try sexy things on “for her own good” if she doesn’t want to, especially if she’s a teenager. Prude-shaming is just as wrong as slut-shaming.)

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Humanity Is On A Downward Slide

, , | Right | April 23, 2019

(A few years ago, we went on holiday to a park with its own waterpark and slides. On our first day, the slides were closed, then the same on day two. I went to ask when they were opening and was informed that the day before we arrived, a small child had gone down the slide, got trapped, and drowned, so they were closed until further notice. After the shock of the story, the slides being closed was justifiable and we got on with our holiday. Jump forward to the end of the holiday. We are checking out at the main office.)

Employee: “How was your stay?”

Me: “Great, thanks; we had a fantastic time.”

Employee: “We would like to apologise for the slides being closed during your stay.”

Me: “No problem. It’s a horrible thing to have happen and we fully understand.”

Employee: “…!”

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Employee: “You are the first person this week not to complain about how they were inconvenienced and ask for a refund!”

(I was amazed at the callousness of people asking for a refund when some poor family lost a child on holiday. Unfortunately, some of those people were our friends we were there with! As you can imagine, the friendship sort of faded out once we knew this.)

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Trying To Explain It In Black And White

, , , , | Right | April 14, 2019

(My company sells computers specifically designed for old people and computer noobs, with a specific user interface, very simple, with big buttons and all functionalities color-coded. I do level-two tech support for them in addition to development. We get calls from people who have never touched a computer before.)

Caller: “Hello. I have a problem with my printer. I put a color picture and it came out in black and white.”

Me: “Okay, sir, you must have clicked on the wrong button. Click on the green tab to go to the printer page. Then you click on the ‘do a color copy’ button, not the other one labelled ‘black and white copy.’ It should print you a copy of your picture in color as you wanted to.”

Caller: “No, you don’t understand; my picture is black and white now.”

Me: “What do you mean? The printer printed a black and white copy of your picture, right?”

Caller: “No, the picture I put in the printer is black and white!”

Me: “So… you put a black and white picture and want to copy it in color?”

Caller: “No! You don’t understand! I put a colored picture in the printer and that picture is now black and white! I want it colored like before! You ruined my picture!”

Me: “You are telling me that you put a colored picture in your printer and that your original picture has changed to black and white?”

Caller: “At last! You youngsters don’t understand a simple thing! That’s what I’m saying from the beginning!”

Me: “Sir, this is impossible..”

Caller: “I assure you that my picture is now black and white! You f***** up an old family picture; that’s unacceptable!”

Me: “Sir, could you please open the lid of the printer in order to see the glass panel that is in there?”

Caller: “Oh, there is my picture.”

Me: “Is it still in color?”

Caller: “Hmm… Yes… Bye.” *click*

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