Maybe She Should Take Half The Normal Dose Of That?

, , , | Right | May 29, 2020

I’m a customer, waiting to have my prescription filled. One of my medicines is called UVdose.

Near me, another customer, an elderly lady, is asking for the same one.

Lady: “Oh, yes, I forgot! I need a box of overdose!”

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The Goose That Laid The Golden Comeback

, , , , , , | Right | May 27, 2020

Several years ago, when our twin sons were twelve, we set out on a “trip of a lifetime,” exploring Europe. The boys were eager to experience new things and were quite the adventurous travellers. We stayed at a gorgeous, ancient fortified farmhouse that was a lodge and a working farm. Other guests included a family from Belgium and three visitors from the States. One was a retired soldier who was shepherding another couple around some of the places he’d fallen for on his deployments.

I was the only one in the family who could speak French at the time, although my wife understood it but was too shy to try her skills. Our hostess was just the opposite; she could understand English but was too shy to speak it.

At breakfast the first morning, our hostess asked us if we wanted an omelette made from goose eggs. The Belgians eagerly accepted, and our boys’ eyes lit up as they saw the size of the eggs. We accepted her offer. The retired soldier also said yes and interpreted the question for his friends. The woman of the couple was very loud in her refusal. “I won’t put that s*** in my mouth! Why can’t these people eat normal?” She was served a regular fried egg.

Our meal was absolutely delicious and both the boys and my wife were very vocal with their pleasure in English.

The woman who had refused the omelette earlier then had a change of heart and asked her friend to ask for one for her, as well.

Our hostess said with a wink in our direction, “Tell her that I am all out of s*** for the day”.

My wife laughed, as did the retired soldier. It was left to me to break the news to the woman that there were no more eggs.

The soldier later thanked me. “Really, she’s been that way the whole trip; she wants to travel but wants everything to be like Philadelphia!”

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A Lucrative Field Trip

, , , , , , | Learning | May 27, 2020

When I am in high school, I get to go to France on a student ambassador program. One of the rules of this program is that, even though there might be multiple people to a room, everyone needs to have their own bed. Our first night there, we get our room assignments, and my two roommates and I head up to our room.

We get into the room and immediately find two of the beds: a regular queen in the bedroom and a sunseat-esque thing near one of the windows. My roommates snag the two visible beds and then we start searching the room for the other bed. We look in the closets in case it’s a murphy bed situation, tap the walls, again in case of a Murphy bed situation, and just look everywhere we can think of.

We have to call down to the front desk to get sheets for the second bed, so when the employee comes up with those, we ask him to show us where the third bed is because we are clearly dumb Americans.

He looks at me and [Roommate #2] and says, “There are only two of you.” We tell him that the other girl is in the bathroom. He looks at us like he doesn’t fully believe us — why in the heck would we lie about that?! — but tells us it is under the queen.

After he leaves, we go back and look at the queen bed; we initially dismissed it for having anything underneath because there wasn’t a ton of clearance. But I get down on my stomach and crawl around on the floor, tapping on the base, and there’s no bed; it’s definitely a solid base.

By this time, our leaders are doing room checks. They get to our room and I explain that I have no bed. One of the leaders goes down to see if there’s possibly a single room available while the other one comes and does a second glance over the room just to see if we have missed something. We haven’t, and the first leader comes back and lets us know that the hotel is full. 

It’s decided that I’ll room with one of the leaders for the night, so I get my stuff together and move up to her room. She tells me to shower if I want and then I get the sunseat bed. I get cleaned up and I’m all snuggled up in my bed, writing in this journal that the program requires us to keep — we get school credit for this trip — when one of the other leaders comes back and lets us know that they’ve found a bed.

So, I get all my stuff together and move again. Why they couldn’t let me sleep and then just move me in the morning, I’ll never know. This time, I’m in a room with my own bed and things are good and I get to go to sleep.

Before we leave, we have a picnic. There is a donation basket. Once stuff from the picnic has been covered, the leaders convert the leftover money to Franc and Euros give it out to those of us that have done something kind of above and beyond. So, because I moved around and was a good sport about all of it, I get a little extra money.

A few days later, I call home and talk with my mom about things, and I tell her what happened with the money. I find out after I get home that she almost gave my dad a heart attack telling him about it. Here’s what happened:

My mom tells my dad, “[My Name] found a way to make some extra money while on vacation.”


“Yep! She’s sleeping around!”

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English, French — It’s All Greek To Me

, , , , , | Friendly | April 26, 2020

My parents were visiting France; my father’s French was non-existent and my mother’s was weak at best. As they were moving through the airport, a woman approached them.

She said something in French my mother didn’t understand. My mom shrugged.

The woman started walking away and said in an exasperated voice, “I wish I could find someone who spoke English!”

My mother quickly chased her down and offered to help!

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The Ups And Downs Of Marriage

, , , | Romantic | April 18, 2020

My husband and I decide to drive to France for our honeymoon. After hanging out on the beach for a few hours, we come back to find that our car window has been smashed. I frantically search for my purse, and he for his wallet, but they’re gone.

We go to the police to file a report. The German translation service tells the police what happened and they start laughing at us. I can make out something along the lines of “stupid foreigners.” I complain, but they refuse to listen or take a report or help at all.

Having no money means no gas. Luckily, we have nearly a tank full, but that isn’t enough to make it back home. My husband gets a “brilliant” idea: turn the car off and let it roll down the hills! I have never been so terrified in my life. When we run out of gas completely, we have to push the car up hills.

We also have to spend a night in that car, which is cold because of the window and lack of heat.

Let’s just say it’s a honeymoon that I’ll never forget, and an omen I shouldn’t have ignored!

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