An All-You-Can-Eat Defeat

, , , , | Working | October 1, 2019

(I am in a small beach town in the south of France vacationing with my husband and my son. The first night there, we go to an all-you-can-eat buffet near the beach. I have never tried most of the seafood they have in the buffet so I decide to take just a little bit of the things I want to try so I will not be wasting food in case I do not like it. I next go back to the buffet to get a full plate this time. After putting some rice, vegetables, and a few seafoods on it, I decide that I also want to take some mussels. The waiter is checking the trays to see what needs to be refilled. I am about to grab the spoon to take mussels when he grabs it instead and tells me:)

Waiter: *in French* “Since you already had mussels, you cannot take any more.”

Me: “Is this not an all-you-can-eat buffet, like the sign says in front of the restaurant?”

Waiter: “It is, but for the mussels, it’s only one serving per meal.”

(He stayed there, in front of the platter with the serving spoon in hand, looking angry. I was starting to feel really uncomfortable and the guy was not budging so I decided to go back to my table. I immediately told my husband what had just happened. The waiter heard me and quickly disappeared into the kitchen. A good ten minutes later, another waiter came to replace him. My husband told him what his colleague had told me earlier and he did not understand why he would have said something like that. He added that it must have been a misunderstanding but I know it was not — French is my mother tongue. My son and my husband had quite a few more plates before we paid and left, but since I had knots in my stomach, because of the rude waiter, I barely touched my plate. We saw him come out of hiding when we left the restaurant.)

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The Road Doesn’t Care About Your “Feelings”

, , , | Friendly | September 24, 2019

After getting out of work, my husband picks me up at home so we can go shopping together. On our way, we stop at this really busy intersection where we sometimes have to wait a few minutes to be able to make a left turn.

We are behind a woman in a minivan and there is no other car behind us at this point. After at least three minutes, she has had more than enough time to turn on many occasions but she keeps starting to move and then changing her mind and hitting the brakes. We are getting a bit annoyed, and when there is a break in traffic and she is still not turning, my husband decides to honk the car horn once. 

About a minute goes by and there is finally another break in traffic, but to our utter disbelief, she opens her door and gets out of her car. She walks up next to our car and starts screaming at my husband that he doesn’t understand that it’s when she “feels like it” that she will be able to turn and that she really needs to “feel like it”! She actually makes the air quotes saying that. My husband is at a loss for words, but I tell her that while she is waiting to “feel like it,” other people are waiting. The woman goes silent when she sees that there is now a long line of about ten cars behind us and other people are honking. A good thirty seconds later, the woman is still standing there like an idiot with her mouth open. 

Realizing that we are going to wait a really, really long time for her to move, my husband decides to change lanes and turn right to find an alternate route. A few minutes later at a stop sign, he makes eye contact with me, looking really serious and he asks me, “Did that just happen?” I tell him that two people can’t have the same hallucination, so yes, it did, and we both burst out in laughter. 

I really don’t know how she managed to get her driver’s license!

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A True Chef Becomes One With Their Menu  

, , , | Right | August 27, 2019

Years ago, my parents were visiting France as part of a scientists’ convention. While my father spoke no French at all, my mother was trying and prided herself on her progress.  

At dinner, the waiter asked, in French, what she would like and, once she answered, he visibly blushed and began to stammer. My mother wasn’t sure what the big deal was until a chuckling tablemate leaned over and informed her that she had just ordered the chef!

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An Ugly Identity

, , | Right | July 31, 2019

(I work at the checkout. You have to show proof of identity when paying by cheque.)

Me: “I need to see your proof of identity.”

Customer: *taking out her ID card* “Okay, but don’t look at the picture; I look bad on it!”

Me: “Oh, don’t worry; I don’t look good on mine, either!”

Customer: “Yes, but it’s not like you’re beautiful in person.”

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Kindness Is In The Air

, , , , , | Hopeless | July 29, 2019

(I am visiting my sister in France along with my parents, but I am traveling alone on the flight back home. I need to change flights to reach my final destination with only an hour and a half to get off the first flight, complete immigration, and navigate through an airport that I don’t know to catch my next flight. This is my first time traveling alone and I don’t speak or understand French so I am a bit nervous. When I try to do the self-check-in through one of the kiosks at the airport, it gives me an error. Panicking, I flag down an airport employee to help me check in. He opens up a counter and starts to check me in.)

Employee: “I see that there is a problem at [Intermediate Destination] airport.”

Me: *already worried about the journey, and sure that I will miss my next flight* “What sort of problem?”

Employee: “Connectivity problem.”

(He continues to enter something on the screen.) 

Employee: “I will put you on a flight directly to [Final Destination]. It leaves a bit later, but will reach there at the same time.”

Me: “O-Okay…?”

(He motions for me to give him my old tickets. I don’t immediately respond as I feel like this is some sort of scam.) 

Employee: “Don’t worry; it will arrive at the same time! You will not be late for the rest of your journey.”

Me: *still not sure of what is happening but gives him my old tickets anyway* “Thank you.”

Employee: *hands me new tickets* “No problem.”

(The first thing I did after getting my new tickets was to find a board displaying flight schedules to check whether the flight he put me on was a real flight! I later realised that he must have changed my flight because there was very little time for me to catch the next one, and that was what he meant by “connectivity problem.” Whoever you are, airport employee, thanks to you I was able to reach home safely!)

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