At the supermarket where my sister works, a meeting was held because they are going to switch to lease management. They keep their jobs but lose their benefits. After the meeting, the employees complain. A representative of one of the unions responds.

Union Representative: “Don’t complain! You keep your job! You don’t have any need to go on strike. If we find out you’ve done so, we’ll report you.”

The employees decide to go on a surprise strike, calling on the unions that support the strike and obviously not on the union that does not support it. On the day of the strike, in the morning, the strike organiser receives a call from the representative of the union that does not support the strike.

Union Representative: “How can you go on strike without telling us?”

Strike Organiser: “You threatened to report us to the management.”

Union Representative: “But we were just saying that! If you would have told us, we would have come.”

Strike Organiser: “Well, you can come. You don’t live far and the strike lasts all day.”

Union Representative: “Oh, no, er, we’d look bad!”

She hung up without letting the strike organiser say anything.

My luggage was stolen during a work trip. As a result, the selection of clothes available for my return voyage is dramatically limited. The current restrictions on people movement and shop opening hours don’t help either, so I have to make do with something that won’t get me arrested and is not soiled or stinking. Almost as soon as I reach the airport, well in advance of departure time, another traveller waves to me.

Traveller #1: “Excuse me, sir? What’s the way to the railway station?”

I check the overhead signs and tell him. He thanks me and leaves. I complete my check-in and go through security controls and toward the gates. The route, as often happens, winds through the duty-free shop.

Traveller #2: “Sir? Sir, please? How does one get through?”

There are arrow signs on the floor, so I can easily point her in the right direction. She thanks me and runs ahead. I keep walking.

Traveller #3: *Showing me his boarding pass* “Excuse me. Where? Please.”

I checked and we were going the same way, so I just told him to stay with me. I left him at the right gate and he thanked me profusely. Finally, I reached my own gate and sat down, getting strange looks from the other people waiting.

Only then did it dawn on me why so many lost-looking foreign travellers approached me of all people: I was walking around unhurriedly, with no luggage, wearing a none-too-clean high-viz parka with a massive company logo and English motto on the back!

Recently, two coworkers and friends had a fight. This scene takes place after their claimed reconciliation.

Coworker #1: “You chose your side quickly, anyway!”

Me: “I didn’t choose my side.”

Coworker #1: “But you went to her first.”

Me: “I was brushing my teeth when I heard her crying. I went to see her.”

Coworker #1: “You could have come to me.”

Me: “I joined you afterward to get your opinion.”

Coworker #1: “You could have come first.”

Me: “You were eating outside. I wasn’t going to ignore her to come and see you and ask her version when she came back while she was next door.”

Coworker #1: “And why not? I always come to see you when you’re at the reception during the break; she doesn’t come.”

I’m normally in the warehouse, but the administration building is the next building, and [Coworker #1] and I fill in for our part-time receptionist when both of them can’t come because we’re the only ones who know how to manage the switchboard.

Me: “She takes [transportation services for disabled people] because she has difficulty walking. I don’t blame her for not forcing herself to walk to see me.”

Of course, their “reconciliation” lasted five days.

I’m working at a theme park and it’s as hot as Hell. I’m coming back from my break and passing through the entrance of the ride where all the strollers are parked when I hear something. I approach a stroller and there is a baby inside it! The strollers are not shadowed at all. So basically a parent wanted to do the ride without her baby and left it to cook under the sun alone!

I immediately take the baby to the babycare services and tell them what happened, hoping the shock the parents will have when they can’t find their baby will teach them how to be better parents before child protective services are called!

Then the same thing happened at the carousel! A young girl of maybe three was alone at the entrance. Her mom was in the queue and yelled at me that her daughter didn’t want to go on the carousel so she left her there all alone!

Related:
Call… The… Police

I work in a well-known fast food restaurant in France that specializes in chicken of all sorts. When ordering a menu, a client can ask for fries or a “cobette”. This comes from the word “cob,” but as it is not a French word at all, we usually specify that it means corn.

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I get you?”

Customer: “[Item] with [drink] and… what side dish do you have?”

Me: “Fries, salad, or a cobette.”

Customer: “What’s a cobette?”

Me: “It’s what we call corn here.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “What’s corn?”

Cue me and my colleagues trying to explain what corn is to a fifty-year-old man.