You Say Potato, I Say Catholic

| NC, USA | Right | February 28, 2014

(My grandmother and I are serving food at an outdoor event. I have cooked mashed potatoes.)

Customer: “These potatoes are fantastic! I’ve had three servings.”

Me: “Well, thank you!”

Customer: “You must be from the First Baptist Church, because all of the best cooks are Baptist, you know.”

Me: “Actually, I’m not.”

Customer: “Oh, I guess you must be a Methodist then. Methodist women always did have a way with potatoes.”

Me: “No, I’m actually a Catholic.”

Customer: “Well, where the h*** did you come from?”

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Turning Water Into Wine, And Wine Into Excuses

| Canada | Working | January 18, 2014

(We’re talking about when to schedule the next staff meeting to maximize the number of people that will attend. My coworker is atheist.)

Me: “What about Sunday morning?”

Coworker: “No way. Everyone would be hungover from Saturday night, plus they could just say they have church. Even I’d use that excuse!”

Me: “Oh yeah? Which church would you suddenly be a part of?”

Coworker: “The Church of Jesus-Christ-I’m-Hungover!”

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