Sharing Is Consciously Caring

, , , , , | Working | October 6, 2017

(It’s early morning, and we are making ourselves some breakfast before we start working. One of my coworkers is of an ethnicity where the sharing of food is of utmost importance. She will not eat her food without offering it to others, even if she only just has enough for herself. She has just made herself some toast.)

Coworker #1: “[My Name], would you like some?” *holds out her plate*

Me: “No, thanks. You eat it.”

Coworker #1: *pushing plate towards me* “Are you sure you don’t want some?”

Me: “Yes, I am; I have my own food on the table.”

(Another coworker comes into the room.)

Coworker #1: “[Coworker #2], would you like some toast?” *holds out plate*

Coworker #2: “Yes, please. I didn’t get anything for breakfast today because I thought I was going to be late.” *reaches out for a piece*

(I watch in amusement as [Coworker #1]’s hand moves the plate away as it is reached for. [Coworker #2] puts down her hand.)

Coworker #1: “Aren’t you going to take it?”

(Again, [Coworker #1] pushes the plate towards [Coworker #2], and again the plate is withdrawn as [Coworker #2]’s hand moves towards it. [Coworker #2] has a confused look on her face as she puts her hand down.)

Me: “You can have some of mine; I still have more in the packet on the table.”

Coworker #2: “Thanks.” *starts moving towards the table*

Coworker #1: *starting to get agitated* “Why won’t you take some?”

Coworker #2: “I didn’t think you wanted me to have a piece.”

Coworker #1: “I’ve been trying to give you the whole plate and you won’t take it.”

Coworker #2: “I only wanted a piece.” *she is finally able to take a piece of toast*

(I could see that [Coworker #1] had no idea that she was doing what she had been doing; it was obvious that subconsciously she did not want to share!)

It’s Like A Steak But Not A Steak-Steak

, , , , , | Right | October 5, 2017

(I work in the meat department of a neighborhood supermarket. Our actual meat room is downstairs, and we have a customer phone right at the meat case to call directly to the meat room. I am in the meat room, wrapping, when the phone rings.)

Me: “Meat department, can I help you?”

Woman: “Yes, uh, can you tell me what a sirloin steak is? Is it, like, a steak-steak? Like, can you make a steak out of it?”

Me: *face-palm*

They Can Have Their Pie And Eat It

, , , , , | Friendly | October 4, 2017

(My friend and I are both still at high school and are 15 years old. My mum has a strict ‘no-one round on a school night’ policy, as there will be school/work the next morning. It is a Wednesday, meaning I’m not allowed people over, when this happens)

Mum: “Does [Friend] like pie?”

Me: “Probably. Why?”

Mum: “Well, I’m cooking the pie Grandpa bought for us from the butcher, and I’ve realised it’s too big for just the two of us, so I’m wondering if [Friend] wants to come over?”

Me: “Er… are you telling me to invite [Friend] over for tea? On a Wednesday night?”

Mum: “Yes.”

Me: “We have school tomorrow.”

Mum: “I know. It’s fine.”

(I call my friend up.)

Me: “Hi, [Friend]. I have a couple of weird questions.”

Friend: “Hello! What is it?”

Me: “Have you had tea? And if not, do you like pie?”

Friend: “Er… No, I haven’t, and yes, I do. Why?”

Me: “Mum’s baked a pie that’s too big for the two of us. She wants you to help us eat the pie.”

Friend: *there’s a pause before I hear her shouting to her mum* “Mum, can I go to [My Name]’s for pie? Her mum’s made too much and needs a [Friend’s Family Surname] to help out!” *there’s another pause* “Mum says yes; she’ll drop me there in a few!”

(About five or six years later, this friend is now at uni, and have been having a long conversation on the phone. At an hour, the phone call stops being free, so we agree to hang up and call back. I get the call back quickly, but it’s not what I expect.)

Friend: “You know we said we’d continue this conversation?”

Me: “Yeah?”

Friend: “[Housemate] has just turned up with pie that’s too big for them.”

Me: “Are you needed?”

Friend: “Yes. Yes, I am.”

Me: “I totally understand; you’re the pie eating hero we do not deserve but need.”

Friend: “I knew you’d understand. You and I having an understanding when it comes to pie.”

(Even ten years after the incident, the fact my mum invited my friend over for a pie is still a joke in our household and with our group of friends.)

The Root Of This Conversation

, , , , , , | Related | October 4, 2017

(While out to eat, the topic of what foods are vegetables comes up. These are just some of the food items that we bring up.)

Brother: “Is watermelon a vegetable?”

Me: “No. Lettuce is a vegetable.”

Dad: “Really? Is lettuce a vegetable?”

Mom & Me: “Yes.”

Me: “What would you classify lettuce as?”

Dad: “Cow food.”

Brother: “Tomatoes?”

Mom: “Yes, well… it’s technically a fruit.”

Me: “It’s a fruit that identifies as a vegetable.”

Mom: “Like avocados. And cucumbers.”

Dad: “Avocados are fruit; they grow on trees. Like apples and oranges.”

Mom: “What about nuts?”

Brother: “Are nuts a vegetable?”

Me: “No, nuts are nuts.”

Brother: “Potatoes?”

Me: “They’re a root.”

Mom: “Like carrots.”

Me: “Or onions, though onions are more a spice thing. Like garlic.”

Mom: “Also a root.”

Me: “Parsnips?”

Mom: “Those are disgusting.”

With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 22

, , , | Working | October 4, 2017

(My coworkers and I are sitting waiting for a meeting to start. One of my coworkers is Orthodox Jewish; he wears a skullcap, the whole deal. At this meeting, we have been provided lunch. We don’t really want to be at this meeting, and are fairly certain it will be boring.)

Coworker #1: *looking at lunch that was provided* “It’s okay, guys, the sandwiches have bacon on them. That makes the meeting worth it.”

Me: “This is going to be badly-received, but I still think it’s not worth it, because I don’t understand the bacon hype.”

Coworker #1: “I can’t talk to you anymore.”

Me: “Bacon is just meat. I like it, but it’s overrated.”

Coworker #2: “Yeah, I’m kind of with her. I don’t hate bacon, but I don’t get the bacon hype.”

Coworker #1: “You are both not my friends anymore.”

Orthodox Jewish Coworker: “I don’t get the bacon hype either.”

Coworker #1: “You’re Jewish. Have you ever had bacon?”

Orthodox Jewish Coworker: “No. Still don’t get the hype.”

Coworker #1: “Okay, you can still be my friend, because you’d like bacon if you weren’t Jewish.”

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