Pepper-no-meat

, , , , , | Right | November 29, 2017

(I work in a popular grocery store in Canada that also sells hot foods, and I’m working the pizza counter.)

Me: “Hello, were you wanting to grab a slice?”

Customer: “Yes, that vegetarian slice.”

(I grab the vegetarian slice and go to put it in the oven to heat it up.)

Customer: “NO! NO! I wanted that vegetarian slice!”

(He points to the slice of pepperoni.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I thought you wanted a veggie slice. I’ll just switch.”

(He starts to interrupt me.)

Customer: “That is a vegetarian slice.”

(I am almost unsure how to reply, thinking he is joking.)

Me: “Haha, no, it’s pepperoni, sir. That is a type of meat!”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes. 100% sure.”

Customer: “Give me the f****** other slice, then. I’ve always had that other type of pizza, and I have been a vegetarian for five years!”

(A customer standing behind him starts to laugh and says:)

Customer #2: “Obviously, you weren’t a vegetarian, dumba**.”

(I had a good laugh with my coworkers afterwards. Funny thing is, this happens more frequently than you would think! Learn the difference between meat and vegetables if you’re a vegetarian!)

A Sickening List Of Ingredients

, , , , , , , , | Related | November 29, 2017

(My mum and I work and live together, and we’ve swung by the local supermarket to pick up some things. My day has been awful, so I go around picking things up for myself. I meet up again with my mum before checking out.)

Mum: “Milkshake and cream dessert? You’re not allowed dairy! You’ll get sick!”

Me: “Tobacco and wine? You’ve got half a working lung! You are sick!”

Mum: *pauses* “Touché.”

(No, neither of us put anything back.)

Wanted Anything… Except THAT

, , , , , , , | Right | November 29, 2017

Waitress: “And what would you like to drink?”

Me: “I don’t know. Anything. Surprise me.”

(She gives me this devilish smile that makes me instantly feel like I’m going to regret this.)

Waitress: “So, just to clarify: you want anything?”

Me: “Yep. Go crazy.”

Waitress: “I’ll be right back.”

(She comes back a few minutes later and sets my drink down on the table. She has made me a “root beer” float with mint chocolate chip ice cream and rainbow sprinkles, only instead of using root beer she has mixed [Dark Soda], [Lemon Lime Soda], and fruit punch. And then, once I start drinking it, I realize there is a strip of bacon torn into pieces at the bottom. It is the grossest thing I’ve ever had, but I drink it, anyway, because I really did say, “Anything.” The waitress returns later to ask how everything is.)

Waitress: “Holy crap! You actually drank that?”

Me: “Yes. If you ever see me in here after this and I ask you to surprise me again, please slap me with a menu and make me actually pick something.”

(She brought me some chocolate milk to wash the taste down and didn’t charge me for the first drink, because, apparently, the fact that I actually drank it was the funniest thing ever to her and her coworkers.)

Too Chicken To Go Vegan

, , , , , | Related | November 28, 2017

(I’ve been going through some stomach issues and the doctor suggests I might be lactose intolerant. She suggests cutting out cheese for a while and seeing how I feel. My sister is becoming fascinated with the idea of becoming vegan, but hasn’t yet made the full commitment. We go to a local Mexican restaurant and order mango chicken burrito salad bowls. Due to my stomach issues, I get mine without beans or cheese. As we are leaving after eating, my sister turns to me all excited.)

Sister: “So, I noticed that you didn’t get cheese with your order. Are you thinking of maybe becoming a vegan, too?”

Me: *looking at her, confused* [Sister], we just ate chicken!”

Sister: “Oh, yeah, I forgot.”

H2… Oh

, , , , , | Right | November 27, 2017

(While most restaurants only offer Coke or Pepsi products, this one has both.)

Customer: “What sodas do you have?”

Me: “We have Coke, Diet Coke, Coke Zero, Caffeine-Free Diet Coke, Fanta, Sprite, Root Beer, Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Pepsi Max, Mountain Dew, Diet Mountain Dew, and Dr. Pepper.”

Customer: *with a disappointed look on her face* “I’ll just have water.”

(What could she possibly have wanted that we didn’t have?)

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