The Signature Of Someone Who Really Needs Their Food

, , , , , | Right | March 23, 2019

(I work as a delivery driver for a café. My hat, shirt, and car all have the company name and logo. I pull up to a customer’s house and knock on the door, holding a bag of food that also has the company name on it.)

Me: “Hello! If I could just get your signature right here on your receipt, that would be great!”

Customer: “There’s no soliciting here! You need to leave right now!” *slams door in my face*

Me: *knocks again*

Customer: *opens door to yell at me again*

Me: “Ma’am, I’m from [Company]. I have your food order.”

Customer: “Oh!” *signs paper, takes food, doesn’t tip*

What Size Idiot Are You?

, , | Right | March 22, 2019

Customer: “How much is your hot chocolate?”

Me: *moving boxes* “It’s on the sign in front of you.”

(She looks at it while I put the boxes down. When I get to the register…)

Woman: “So how much is a hot chocolate?”

Me: *giving up* “Which size?”

Woman: *blank stare*

Me: “There’s small, medium, and large.”

Woman: “Umm, a small, I guess.”

(I make her hot chocolate and she pays.)

Woman: *as if noticing the sign for the first time* “Oh, it’s all right here. You really should tell customers about it. Saves you breathing on us.” *leaves*

Hot-Headed Cakes

, , , , , , | Right | March 21, 2019

(I work at a fast food place at a highway rest stop. Since our prices are higher than others of our kind, I usually tell customers certain combinations they can do to save money. This happens during one of my breakfast shifts. An elderly couple walks up to the counter.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Husband: “Can I get [Breakfast Platter] but without the pancakes?”

Wife: “And I just want an order of pancakes.”

Me: “Okay, well, if you want to make it cheaper, we can just do the [Breakfast Platter] with the pancakes. That way, you can sav—“

Husband: “I don’t want pancakes. She does.”

Me: “Yes, but the end result would be the same. I could even tell them to plate it sep—“

Husband: “I don’t want the pancakes. She does.”

Wife: “He’s telling you that you can save money by—“

Husband: “I don’t want pancakes. We’ll do it like this.”

Me: “…Okay, then.”

(I rang them up and gave them their change. They left me standing there in utter confusion. I hope the guy realized he could have saved $4 and me a lot of headache.)

Have You Ever Sausage A Bad Vegan Before?

, , , , , | Right | March 21, 2019

(I’m a manager at a new pizza franchise in town. On a busy afternoon, we’re sending out every delivery driver we have and trying to call more of them in to handle the workload. During the rush, an employee tells me that a customer on the phone has demanded to speak to a manager.)

Me: “Hello, sorry for the wait. What seems to be the trouble?”


Me: “Oh? Can I get your name so I can pull up the order?”

Customer: “It’s [Customer]. We didn’t order sausage; we’re vegan!”

Me: *pulling up the info* “Oh, no! That’s terrible. Let me just see what you ordered, and if you like, I can have a new pizza out to you shortly. Our policy states that you’d just need to hand over the erroneous pizza when the delivery driver gets there.”

Customer: “Well, we ate the whole thing! How am I supposed to return it now?!”

Me: “You ate the…”

(I’m wondering why they’d have eaten an entire large pizza if it was topped with meat that they couldn’t have, when I see the woman’s order in our system. She had specifically asked for sausage as a topping.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, our system indicates that you ordered sausage as one of your toppings. Is it possible the cashier misheard your order?”

Customer: “No… I ordered sausage.”

Me: “I see. Well, ma’am, if you ordered sausage, and ate the whole pizza, I’m afraid I can’t refund your money or give you a free pizza. I can make a note that you’re to get 10% off your next order, if you like, but unfortunately that’s the most I can do.”

Customer: “What?! But it was meat! We can’t have meat!”

Me: “I understand that, but you ordered the sausage AND ate the whole pizza.”

Customer: “Because we were hungry!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there isn’t anything more I can do for you. You’re welcome to speak to the business owner, though. He’ll be here [Date and Time] if you’d like to file a complaint.”

Customer: “FINE!” *disconnects*

(The boss ended up giving the customer a $5 off coupon instead of the 10% off option I offered, but that’s it. I’m still not sure what the customer expected when she ordered a mushroom and sausage pizza…)

Anything That Isn’t Chocolate Makes Us Sad

, , , | Right | March 18, 2019

(I work in a deli.)

Customer: *pointing at something that absolutely does not look like chocolate* “Is this chocolate?”

Me: “No, it’s spicy mustard.”

(She squirts some of it on her finger and tastes it. You can see her realisation, but she doubles down.)

Customer: “Oh, my goodness. That sure is chocolatey!”

Me: *smirking* “Yes, will you be having some?”

Customer: *eyes watering* “No, I’m good, thank you.”

(She left. I’m not sure if she was crying because it was spicy, or because her hopes had been destroyed.)

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