Sorry, You’ll Have To Settle For A Burger Civil-Partnership For Now

, , , , | Hopeless | November 1, 2017

(I’m manning the telephone in our small, chicken-centered restaurant. There’s a rush tonight and we have to prepare a huge number of orders in a short time. After the rush, a nice customer calls us.)

Me: “[Restaurant], [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Nice Customer: “Hi there. We ordered a barbecue chicken burger and extra fries. You seem to have switched our order; my friend got a standard burger and two servings of fries.”

Me: “Oh, no, I’m terribly sorry! We had so many orders in the last hour and we might have put the wrong label on your order. We will send out the correct burger at once!”

Nice Customer: “Woah, wait! That’s not why I called, really! I just wanted to warn you that someone will be missing their fries, just in case their order hasn’t been sent out yet. Oh, and I wanted to ask how we shall pay for the extra fries.”

(I am speechless. Next to me, my colleague and one of our drivers frantically start checking prepared orders.)

Nice Customer: “The burger’s fine; you don’t have to send out another one. My friend loves it and, anyway, he’s already eaten half of it.”

Me: “Er… you are fine with the wrong burger, and you actually want to pay for the extra food we delivered by mistake?”

Nice Customer: “Well, yeah, since I will absolutely demolish the fries and there won’t be any survivors left to send back to you.”

Me: “I’m really at a loss of words. Thank you for being so nice about this. Please accept the fries as our gift, and as a thank you for the warning.”

Nice Customer: “Thanks! That’s really nice of you.”

Nice Customer’s Friend: *muffled, in the background* “Tell them I want to marry their burger!”

Me: “No, thank you for being so great about this. You made my week! Have a wonderful night!”

(We were actually able to fix the other order. [Nice Customer] is now a regular and the entire staff loves her!)

Getting Into The Meat Of Being Kosher

, , , , , , | Working | November 1, 2017

(I volunteer for a local channel that films activities happening in the community. We are currently filming a local Italian cooking talent show. As we are working long hours, the channel provides us with free lunch. When the production assistant comes around to ask about what kind of pizza we want, I say I’m kosher and to not get a meat pizza. The pizza arrives, and as I’m in line for a slice the PA comes over and hands me a salad.)

Me: “Oh, sorry, this must be for someone else.”

PA: “You aren’t vegetarian?”

Me: “No. I’m kosher.”

PA: “Oh, I thought they were the same.”

(To not embarrass the PA, I take the salad. A little while later a camera woman approaches me.)

Camera Woman: “Hey, I heard you’re vegetarian, too!” *shows me her salad*

Me: “Oh, I’m not vegetarian; I’m kosher. There was just a mix up with the PA.”

(Again… while we’re setting up lighting:)

Director: “Hey, [My Name], when did you become vegetarian?”

(I wasn’t really mad; I just found it so funny that me being “vegetarian” was the gossip on set. We all need a break from one another; clearly we are too involved in each other’s lives.)

I Say Allergic, You Say Tomato

, , , , , | Working | October 31, 2017

(I call up my local pizza restaurant with an odd request.)

Me: “Hi, umm, for whatever reason I’ve developed an allergy to tomatoes. I’m just wondering if there is anything I can order, pizza-wise, which won’t include any?”

Employee: *perfectly helpful* “Sure. Just order whatever you like and I’ll make sure it doesn’t have tomatoes on it.”

Me: “Oh, thank you.” *gives order*

(I wait an hour and a half for my pizza. When it arrives, I don’t think to check it until after I pay. The box is stone cold and lighter than I expect. When I open it, there is what looks to be one whole tomato, finely sliced and arranged in a circle. “Enjoy” is written in marker in the middle. I phone up, furious, to complain. I get the same woman.)

Me: “Yes, I’d like to complain about my order.”

Employee: *now harsh and sarcastic* “Oh, tomato guy. Just go jump off a bridge. Like I’m going to go out of my way to help someone like you!”

Me: “Well, I want to speak to the own—”

Employee: *hangs up*

(I emailed the owner and he assured me it would be handled. I know the woman was fired, but I was never compensated for the terrible service. I don’t use them anymore.)

Your Nutrition Is In A Vegetative State

, , , , , | Right | October 29, 2017

(I work in a big smoothie shop that is currently promoting fresh juices, so I have to ask every customer if they want to try one.)

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Smoothie Shop]! Have you tried any of our fresh-squeezed juices?”

Customer: “No, but I’m in the mood for something healthy. What’s the healthiest juice you have?”

Me: “The [Juice] has all-organic juice with a whole serving of [Vegetable Supplement], and you can’t taste the veggies at all.”

(I hand him a sample.)

Customer: “This is really good, but I think I will just get a [Smoothie containing pure chocolate and ice cream].”

Your Reasoning Cuts No Ice With Me

, , , , , , | Working | October 28, 2017

(Thanks to problems with my fillings, I can’t eat or drink really cold substances or I’ll get tremendous aches. I ask for most drinks to be prepared without ice. Most places have no problem with this.)

Me: *giving order* “And could I get a large [Soda], without ice?”

Cashier: *glares at me* “Fine.”

(I’m a bit taken aback by the sudden hostility, but I shrug it off. She finishes the order, then proceeds to fill up the cup halfway with [Soda] before trying to hand it to me.)

Me: “Um, this is only half-full.”

Cashier: *still glaring* “That’s what you get when you remove the ice.”

Me: “No. I paid for a cup of soda without ice. That means I should get a full cup.”

Cashier:No! You’re just trying to get soda for free! Just take it!”

(After she chanted, “Take it!” a couple of times, one of her coworkers came up with the rest of my order, wordlessly pulled the cup out of her hand, filled it up, and handed it off to me. I would have taken it up with the manager, but I was running late. I will note that I haven’t seen her working there when I’ve gone back since.)

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