Must Have Really Needed That Coffee Milk

, , | Right | January 3, 2018

(I work in a fairly large, upscale supermarket and am currently stocking potato chips at the far end of the store, where they’re located right next to the (refrigerated) dairy section. Anything related to homogenised milk, however, is relatively close to the entrance at the opposite side. Note that a. the store is located in a small and rather posh, southwest German city, infamous for being a bit full of itself, and b. the obviously well-off customer is fitting the stereotype of a 60-something 1%er, fur coat and all. She’s not getting abusive, but increasingly snotty and impolite.)

Customer: *from behind me, without saying “excuse me” or anything* “I’m looking for ‘coffee milk.’ Where can I find it?”

Me: “Do you perchance mean condensed milk or coffee cream?”

Customer: “No! I said ‘coffee milk.’ Didn’t you listen?”

Me: “Well, however you wanna call it, the condensed milk and coffee cream is located at the front together with the homogenised milk. None of them are called ‘coffee milk,’ though, since…”

Customer: *interrupts* “I asked for ‘coffee milk,’ not coffee cream! And why is it up front? A colleague of yours just send me here! Are you saying I have to walk back to the front?!”

Me: “I’m sorry for my colleague’s misunderstanding. I can come with you and personally show you where it is. But as I was trying to say, depending on fat content, it’s either called condensed milk or coffee cream, just so you know. I’m pretty sure those terms are even regulated by the EU.”

(I don’t suffer fools lightly. They go ignorant, I go stubborn.)

Customer: *getting irate* “I don’t care what those lazy bureaucrats call it. I’ve always called it coffee milk and never had a ‘misunderstanding’ because of it. You know what, forget it. I’m sick of this incompetence! This place is going to the dogs! I’ll never shop here again and I will tell all my friends to do the same. Do you have any idea how many customers you are going to lose, young man?!”

(I hate it when someone calls me that. She hands me her shopping basket, containing veggies and deli meat, meaning she must’ve passed the milk aisle, and turns to leave.)

Me: “Going by your lack of common decency, won’t be that many.”

Customer: *gasps, huffs, and f***s off*

(I never got written up. The customer made good on her “promise” and never came back, but our numbers are still good.)

Shirley They Can’t Be Serious

, , , , | Right | January 1, 2018

(At my restaurant, I work the morning shift. In order to avoid serving old or cold coffee we don’t brew a pot until a customer asks. These are my very first customers of the day.)

Customer: “Our coffee is cold! Take it and replace it with Shirley Temples.”

(Meanwhile, steam is still rising from their cups.)

Me: “Are you sure you don’t just a fresh cup of coffee? Shirley Temples are $1 more.”

Customer’s Wife: “You don’t really expect us to pay for them after you served cold coffee, do you?”

Me: “Ma’am, there is steam rising from your coffee cups still. I can replace the coffee, and I won’t charge you for them, but if you want a Shirley Temple it’s the full price.”

(They opened their mouths to talk back, but closed them again, and then asked for the faux cocktails. They didn’t speak to me for the rest of their meal.)

E Tu, Salad?

, , , | Right | December 29, 2017

Customer: “I need to speak to a manager!”

Manager: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “This Caesar salad is disgusting. It has anchovies, garlic, and Parmesan; plus, it doesn’t taste like [Chain Restaurant]’s Caesar salad!”

Intolerant To Ignorance

, , , , , | Working | December 29, 2017

(I’m intolerant to wheat. I step into a bakery and the following ensues. I have told both employees about my condition.)

Me: “Hello, do you have anything made from corn flour?”

Employee #1: “Hmm, perhaps this one. It’s made with cheese.”

Me: “What flour has been used for it?”

Employee #1: “Whole-grain flour.”

Me: “Whole-grain wheat flour or whole-grain corn flour?”

Employee #1: “Ah, I have no idea.” *calls other employee*

Employee #2: “That’s not wheat flour; that’s [brand]. It’s germinated with sprouts… of wheat.”

Me: “Goodbye.”

Not So Nuts About Your Christmas Gift

, , , , , , , | Working | December 22, 2017

(I work part time in a grocery store deli. It’s around Christmas time when one of my coworkers brings in gifts she made for everyone in the form of some homemade sweets, like caramels and hot cocoa mix, all together in a plastic jar. She gives me mine.)

Coworker: “Here you go. I remember you’re allergic to nuts so I just gave you extra caramels instead of the nut clusters.”

Me: “Awesome. Thank you so much!”

(I put the jar away in the sandwich station fridge and go back to work. However, something is bothering me about the gift: I can’t quite place where I’ve seen those slender jars before. After a little while, I ask her.)

Me: “Hey [Coworker].”

Coworker: “Yeah?”

Me: “Where’d you get those jars you used?”

Coworker: “Oh, it’s just a peanut jar.”

(I pause, and stare at her silently.)

Coworker: “…oh. S***.”

(In her defence, she says she washed it out, but I still ended up just giving it to my roommate rather than risk it.)

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