You Make My Brain Melty

, , , , | Right | November 4, 2018

(I work in the food court at a membership bulk retailer. A lady comes up to the counter and orders two slices of pizza and a cup of frozen yogurt.)

Me: “If you would like, I can give you the receipt, and you can come back for the frozen yogurt when you are done with your pizzas.”

Customer: “No, I’ll take it now.”

(The customer comes back about twenty minutes later holding a cup of melted yogurt.)

Customer: “Can I get a new one? This one is all melty.”

When Sea Food Becomes Smell Food

, , , , | Right | November 3, 2018

(I come back from lunch and find groceries from the market in our shopping center on the counter next to my register. My coworker allowed a woman to leave them there. I’m skeptical on whether it’s a good idea, but I look in one bag and just see bread and cookies, so I just shrug and move on, thinking the customer knows what she bought and whether it could spoil. Eventually my coworker moves them under the counter. The customer finishes her shopping about 45 minutes later and cheerfully asks for her groceries. When I pull them out, it’s pretty clear that something is not right and something is starting to go off. We discover she had shrimp and salmon in one of the bags and it had started to thaw.)

Customer: “Oh, dear, what’s wrong? Did I buy expired shrimp? What’s today’s date? Did I buy bad shrimp? Should I take it back? Did I buy expired shrimp?”

Coworker: “Uh, it’s [date].”

Customer: “Oh, well, I guess it isn’t bad… Wait, are you sure that’s the date? Ah, actually I know that’s right… So, I guess it’s not bad, then? Hmm.”

(We stand in silence for a moment. I worry the lady is going to finally drop her cheery attitude and get upset. Instead, she just shrugs.)

Customer: “Well, I didn’t buy bad seafood. I suppose it is shrimp, after all! I better go. It is shrimp!” *laughs*

(She leaves with a smile on her face, even carrying spoiling seafood. I turn to my coworker in shock and we finally exhale. Worst part? The customer was wearing medical scrubs. I hope I never need her help.)

Me: “Wow. Just wow.”

Supremely Stupid Behavior

, , , , , | Right | November 1, 2018

(I work at a popular Mexican restaurant. I’m working the drive-thru. We sell regular tacos and taco supremes. The only difference between the two is the supremes have tomato and sour cream. That’s what makes them supreme.)

Customer: “I’d like two crunchy taco supremes, no tomato or sour cream.”

Me: “All right, so just two regular crunchy tacos, then?”

Customer: “No, I want the supremes; I want the bigger ones.”

(I try to explain that the taco sizes don’t change, just the ingredients.)

Customer: *slower and louder* “I want two crunchy taco supremes, with no sour cream or tomato.”

(I just gave up and rang up two supremes without the supreme, basically. He then ordered two soft taco supremes the same way. The guy paid extra for no reason, but it gave my coworkers a good laugh.)

Marriage Is A Sauce Of New Foods

, , , , | Romantic | October 31, 2018

(My husband was not a very adventurous eater before we met, and his mom was not much on cooking. I discovered this when we were dating and I would cook dinners for us. Here are some of my favorite exchanges we’ve had.)

Husband: “What’s wrong with this apple?”

Me: “Nothing?”

Husband: “But it’s pink. Apples are only red or green.”

(It’s a pink lady apple, but he didn’t know there were more than red delicious or Granny Smith! Another time, while eating a stir fry with a peanut sauce…)

Husband: “This is good. Can I see the bottle the sauce came in so I can buy some?”

Me: “It didn’t come in a bottle, but I can give you the recipe.”

Husband: “You made this? I didn’t know a regular person could make a sauce.”

(Another time, while eating some mixed vegetables…)

Husband: “These green beans taste a little funny.”

Me: “That’s because they’re asparagus.”

The Icee Of Water

, , , , , | Right | October 29, 2018

(I work third shift at a gas station where I live. One night I’m at work and there are only two customers in the store: a young woman and her friend. I happen to overhear this beautiful conversation.)

Friend: “So what are you getting to drink?”

Woman: “I don’t know… I’ve been trying to stay away from soda because it’s not really good for you. I was thinking an Icee because it has ice and ice is water and water is good for you, you know?”

Friend: “Riiiight…”

(I kid you not. This conversation happened, and I was a witness. It took every bit of my self control not to laugh or sigh and shake my head. They were nice, though.)

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