Was Not Bready For That

, , , , | Right | May 13, 2020

Our sandwich shop is extremely busy tonight and we have run out of bread.

Customer: “I would like two footlong steak sandwiches, please.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, we are completely out of bread tonight.”

Customer: “Oh… Then I would like one footlong steak sandwich.”

Me: “No… We’re out of bread.”

I fumble, trying to think of a way to state it more simply.

Me: “We… We’re out of bread!”

The customer stands there with her mouth gaping open for a while.

Customer: “So, you can’t make any sandwiches?”

Me: “Not without bread, no. I can still serve salads and pizzas, though.”

Customer: “Oh.”

The customer, maintaining a dumbfounded look on her face, sauntered out the door.

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Will Get Around To It

, , , | Right | May 12, 2020

Our donut shop has several versions of our bismark with different fillings and frostings. A woman comes in and stands staring at the case for several minutes.

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Um… yeah. What are these?”

The customer points vaguely at one end of the case.

Me: “You mean the bismarcks? We have cherry, lemon, Bavarian cream—”

Customer: *Interrupting* “No, like, what are they?”

Me: “Well, like I said, we have various fillings—”

Customer: *Cutting in again* “No, like… what do they mean?!”

Me: “‘Bismark’ is German for ‘round.’”

Customer: “Oh! Well, that makes perfect sense, then. I’ll take two of the lemon ones.”

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They Are Four Quarters Wrong

, , , | Right | May 10, 2020

I am working at the front counter at a fast food restaurant and we just started selling a new product that comes in three different flavors or styles. A woman comes up to the counter and looks very upset.

Me: “Hello, ma’am, is there anything I can do for you today?”

Customer: “Yes, I got this new wrap and it is just awful.”

The product is already three-quarters eaten.

Me: “Well, ma’am, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I do not like the sauce that was on my [product].”

Me: “Well, ma’am, which [product] was it?”

Customer: “It was the [option] and the sauce tasted bad. Like it was rotten.”

Me: “I am sorry for that, ma’am, would you like a refund? Or I could get you a different [product] for your troubles, free of charge.”

Customer: “No! This was disgusting! I don’t want another one! Get me your manager!”

My manager has been standing near me the whole time, so she comes right over.

Manager: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Customer: “I got this [product] and it tastes like the sauce is spoiled.”

Manager: “Like [My Name] said we can get you another [product] or give you a refund.”

Customer: “I don’t want another [product]! And I don’t want a d*** refund! I want you to fix it!”

My manager and I look at each other with a puzzled look.

Manager: “Ma’am, are you saying you want me to fix the [product] that you have already eaten three quarters of?”

Customer: “YES!”

Manager: “Ma’am, we cannot take food back once it has been passed to the customer; plus, you have already eaten quite a bit of it.”

Customer: “Well, my mother has the [same product as customer’s] and she doesn’t like hers, either.”

We have not seen this woman’s mother the entire time she has been at the counter.

Manager: “Why don’t you bring them both up here and we can give you both a refund so you can get something else that you would like to eat, instead.”

Customer: “NEVER MIND! I AM NEVER COMING BACK IN HERE AGAIN!”

The customer storms back to her table with her food just sitting on the counter. As I clean it up, I look at my manager.

Me: “You know, if she didn’t like it, then why did she eat three-quarters of it?”

Manager: “I don’t know, [My Name]. I just don’t know.”

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The Dining Hall Didn’t Ace Apple Pie Baking

, , , , , , , | Friendly | May 8, 2020

I’m going to a moderately famous school, miles away from my hometown. My first couple of weeks are rough, as I don’t know anyone, but my roommate ends up inviting me to have lunch with a couple of her friends in one of the eating halls.

[Friend #1] is eating a fairly bland apple pie that was being offered pretty cheap. She makes an extremely exaggerated moan as she does so.

Friend #1: “Oh! It’s better than sex!”

Friend #2: “You’re ace. Scratching your armpit is better than sex for you.”

[Friend #1] just took an exaggeratedly big bite of the pie in response. They are now some of my best friends, and this is a prime example of the kind of relationship we all have.

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Not Giving Customers “Extra” Reasons To Complain

, , , , | Right | May 8, 2020

My friend and I stop at a sandwich shop in the food court at the mall. There’s one couple, a man and a woman, in line when we walk up. I hear the guy order a meatball sub with extra meatballs. I happen to watch the employee PILE a TON of meatballs and sauce on the sub, but I think nothing of it; it’s what the guy asked for, right?

My friend and I end up walking away with our subs at the same time as the couple. The guy checks his sub and is more amusedly surprised than angry.

Guy: “Woah! Can you believe how many meatballs they put on this thing? When I asked for extra, I didn’t know it meant that much.”

Remembering my days in fast food, I can’t help but comment:

Me: “Probably because every time a customer asks for that and they put extra on, they complain that it’s not enough and they wanted more.”

Guy: “Yeah. They must’ve been thinking, ‘We’ll show this guy extra!’”

We all had a good laugh before going our separate ways.

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