The Surer They Are, The Stupider They Get

, , | Right | November 22, 2007

(I work in a burger stand)

Me: “Welcome, what can I get for you?”

Lady: “I would like a cheeseburger with no cheese.”

Me: “Umm… would you just like a hamburger?”

Lady: “No. I would like specifically a cheeseburger with no cheese.”

Me: “Are you sure? A cheeseburger is 25 cents more than a hamburger.”

Lady: “Yes, I’m sure.”

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The Return Of Captain Obvious

, , , | Right | November 21, 2007

Customer: “What’s in the Chocolate Caramel Cashew?”

Me: “There’s really no way for me to answer that without sounding like a smart-a**.”

Customer: “Why? What’s in it?”

Me: “It’s chocolate ice cream… with caramel… and cashews.”

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No Problem, We Have A Cow Out Back

, , , , | Right | November 14, 2007

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]! Can I get you something to drink?”

Elderly Customer: *pounds fists on table* “I WANT BEEF!”

Me: “O… kay… If you’re ready to order, I could get you our [Roast Beef Entree]?”

Elderly Customer: “I don’t care. I just want beef!”

Me: “Okay…” *sighs*

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… And This Is Before He Got Buzzed

, , , | Right | November 13, 2007

Winemaker: “…as you taste this pinot you might notice flavors like cherry, vanilla, and roasted meat.”

Taster: “Wow, yeah! That’s amazing. Do you put all that stuff right in the barrels?”

Winemaker: “Ummm…no. Wine is only the fermented juice of the grapes. Those flavors come from the soil…”

Taster: “Oh I see. So you bury it all around the plants.”

Taster’s Girlfriend: “Honey, we should go.”


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Yet Bats Drink Blood And Dogs Eat Poop

, , | Right | November 11, 2007

Me: “Would you like half and half?”

Hippy Woman: “Oh no! Soy, please. Humans aren’t supposed to drink milk you know. Haven’t you noticed we’re the only species that drinks the milk of another species?”

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