A Sticky Situation

, , , | Right | June 27, 2008

(Ever wonder why you can’t buy gum at a movie theater? Patrons plaster their used gum *everywhere.* An assistant manager I worked with knew exactly how to get the point across.)

Movie Theater Patron: “Do you carry any gum?”

Assistant Manager: *low growl* “Gum… is our enemy.”

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The Honest Liar

, | Right | June 22, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Italian Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to make a reservation for two people.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we only take reservations for parties of six or larger.”

Customer: “But I want to make a reservation for two people.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we only take reservations for parties of six or larger.”

Customer: “Well, what if I tell you the reservation is for six people and then only show up with two?”

Me: “Ma’am, I won’t write that reservation down.”

Customer: *click*

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He Obviously Gets His Smarts From Mom

, , , | Right | June 19, 2008

Little Boy: “Can I have a medium Icee?”

Me: “Sure! That’ll be $1.48.”

(The little boy hands me $1.50 and I give him his change. He scampers off to get his Icee as his dad stomps up.)

Dad: “Can I get another medium Icee for my daughter?”

Me: “Sure, It’s $1.48.”

(The dad pays and I give him his cup. By this time the boy is back, happily drinking his Icee and standing next to his dad.)

Dad: *rudely* “WELL?! Where’s my Icee?!”

Me: *confused* “Uh, the cup is right there, sir.”

(The little boy is trying to get his dad’s attention to tell him where the self-serve Icee machine is located. However, the dad is ignoring him and yelling at me.)

Dad: “I PAID FOR AN ICEE, NOW WHERE IS MY ICEE!?”

Me: “Sir, the machine is around the corner.”

Dad: “Finally! God, are you simple or something?!”

Me: “?!”

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Cutting The Cheese 101 Has A Nice Air To It

, , | Right | June 16, 2008

(One of my friends works part-time at the deli counter in a grocery store. One day a rather well-to-do looking — the word he used was “snooty” — woman and her not-too-bright looking son came up to the counter.)

Woman: “I’d like one pound of muenster cheese.”

Friend: “Very well.”

(He proceeds to slice the cheese on the slicer, and weighs it out; it’s .97 pounds. He attempts to hand it to her.)

Woman: “That’s NOT a pound of cheese.”

(Slightly perturbed, he slices another slice of cheese and places it on top of the existing pile. It is now 1.02 pounds of cheese. Again, she sighs and appears indignant.)

Woman: “Is that including the paper?”

(He then peels the slice in half and puts the half slice on the pile; it’s .99 pounds now. At this point, the woman leans over to her less-than-brilliant-looking son, and whispers, loud enough for my friend to hear:)

Woman: “This is why you go to college.”

(My friend goes to an Ivy League school.)

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Lesson Of The Day: Food Poisoning = Bad

, , , , | Right | June 16, 2008

(Note: the FDA recently recalled tomatoes because of a salmonella outbreak.)

Me: “… and what veggies would you like on your sandwich?”

Customer: “Lettuce, tomato, and onion; that’s all. And some mayo.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, we’re not selling tomatoes right now, but I’ll put the rest of that on for you.”

Customer: “What? Why can’t I have tomatoes?”

Me: “Because the FDA is worried that they may be contaminated with salmonella and until we’re sure that ours are safe, we’re not allowed to sell them.”

Customer: “Your tomatoes are contaminated?! How can you sell tomatoes that are contaminated? That’s disgusting! I can’t believe you!”

Me: “Ma’am we’re NOT selling them.”

Customer: “Well, why the h*** not?!”

Me: “Because the FDA says they might not be safe and we don’t want our customers to get sick.”

Customer: “Well, that’s stupid. I want tomatoes.”

Me: “All right, ma’am, but I suggest you leave off the mayonnaise, then.”

Customer: “Umm… okay. Why?”

Me: “It tends to taste bad when mixed with salmonella.”

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