A Tale of Two Poultries, Two Meanings, And Two Hands

, , , , | Right | July 7, 2009

(It’s almost closing time at the supermarket deli. Two hot chickens are left and have been reduced to half price.)

Customer #1: “Can I please get the last two chickens?”

(As I’m getting the chickens, another customer rushes up to the deli counter.)

Customer #2: “Excuse me. I was here first, before, and I wanted one of those chickens.”

Me: “Sorry… when I looked up, there was only one customer.”

Customer #2: “You had your head down before.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry. They’ve been sold to this man, as he was the only customer here. Unless he’d like to let you have one?”

Customer #1: “No, I’d like them both, thanks.”

Customer #2: “I hope you choke on that chicken!” *storms out*


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Not-so-righteous Indignation

, , , | Right | July 6, 2009

(A customer claims they had found cockroaches in several pizzas we had delivered earlier. My manager tells me to go ahead and give them their money back.)

Me: “Here’s your money refunded in full, and again, we’re very sorry for this. It’s never happened before.”

Customer: “This is unacceptable! We’re never ordering from you again. You should feel ashamed!”

Me: “Again, we’re very sorry. If you could just give me the pizzas back, I’ll dispose of them for you.”

Customer: “Well… I don’t have them anymore.”

Me: “What did you do with them?”

Customer: *sheepishly* “I gave them to my kids.”

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Clucks Can Be Deceiving

, | Right | July 3, 2009

Customer: “Hi, I just ordered sweet and sour chicken from your establishment, and one of my pieces of chicken is shaped like a fish.”

Me: “Well, the chicken is in all different shapes, ma’am.”

Customer: “So it’s not fish? It’s still chicken?”

Me: “Uh, yes.”

Customer: “Oh, okay!”

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Math Is Your Friend, Part 4

, , , | Right | July 3, 2009

Customer: “What’s the difference between the three fingers and five fingers?”

Me: “Well, the three fingers comes with three chicken fingers, and the five fingers comes with five.”

Customer: “So, which one has more chicken?”

Me: “The five fingers.”

Customer: “Are the five fingers bigger?”

Me: “No, the chicken fingers are the exact same size. You just get two more with the five fingers.”

Customer: “This is too confusing! I’ll just have a cheeseburger.”


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Old MacDonald Had A Meal

, , | Right | July 1, 2009

(I’m a waitress at a restaurant, and an elderly man just ordered a steak.)

Me: “How would you like your steak, sir?”

Customer: “Alive.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Alive. I want it alive.”

Me: “I’m not sure I get you, sir; do you mean rare?”

Customer: “No. Alive! When I poke my fork in, it will have to say ‘MOO!'”

Me: “…I’m not sure we can arrange that for you, sir. It’s impossible.”

Customer: “You’re saying it’s impossible for you to bring a cow in here?”

Me: “That’s right, sir.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll have mine well done, then.”

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