Mother Expresses Shock As Family Bores Of Her 47th Apple Pie

, , , , , , , | Related | November 16, 2018

(For the holidays, my mother always makes an apple pie from her grandmother’s recipe. It’s a completely lovely pie, but she’s made the same one every year for Thanksgiving and Christmas since long before I was born. One Christmas, my brother and I decide to get on her case and tease her about it, asking why she never makes any other variation.)

Brother: “You know, you could mix it up a little, and make something different for once.”

Mom: *sassy* “Oh, like what?”

Me: “I don’t know; try a different fruit. How about blueberry?”

Mom: “No one likes blueberry pie!” *meaning she doesn’t like it, therefore no one does*

Me: “Um, [Brother] does…”

Mom: “Oh, please…” *turns to the rest of the family gathered in the living room, not paying attention to our conversation* “Who here likes blueberry pie?”

(Everyone reacted positively, raising hands or shouting, “Me!” or, “I do!’ My elderly, schizophrenic uncle turned around in his chair and started to shakily struggle to stand up, wondrously crying out, “There’s blueberry pie?!” My brother and I cracked up as my mother rushed to stop my uncle from standing. She had to explain to him that there was no pie but apple, and promised to make him one next time. That moment was the most alert my uncle had been in years, and sadly, my mother never followed through on her promise to make him his pie.)

He Tried His Breast

, , , , | Right | November 16, 2018

(I work at a deli that also serves hot food during the day. We have a hot case with various pieces of chicken and potatoes to make combo meals from. It’s the very end of the day and we’ve run out of breasts to make the combos with, so it’s by-piece or bust. It should be noted we have a discounted eight-piece meal that’s incredibly popular at the moment, so it’s a quick grab for most. It features two of each piece: breasts, thighs, wings, and legs. A customer walks up about twenty minutes to close, an older gentleman with frazzled hair looking a bit… out of it.)

Customer: *looking over the meals* “I want some chicken.”

Me: “Can do, but fair warning that we’ve run out of breasts, so I can’t make you any combos. Can’t substitute for ’em.”

Customer: *seeming a bit out of it* “That eight-piece chicken.”

Me: “Sorry. No more breasts for the night; can’t do any combos.”

Customer: “That eight-piece chicken.”

Me: “No breasts? Single pieces are all we have.”

Customer: *quietly, with a tinge of annoyance* “I want an eight-piece chicken!”

Me: *sighing internally, trying a different tactic* “I can give you thighs and other pieces, but no breasts—” *gesturing to the case FULL of the other pieces* “—perhaps a few of those?”

(At this point, the customer stares off into space, as if this decision would blow up a sun somewhere in the universe. He pauses for a minute.)

Customer: “Oh. Uh.” *stares* “Chicken?”

Me: “I, um… How about I just grab you a few of each and make you a box?”

Customer: *hazy* “Chicken?”

(I just nodded and made him a box. He ended up requesting five of everything, something close to nearly $25 of chicken. I handed it over, and he happily tottered off to the checkout. Enjoy the chicken, eight-piece dude.)

What Kind Of Goats Has She Been Seeing?

, , , , | Right | November 16, 2018

(I work in a vegan store, so of course we don’t sell any dairy products.)

Customer: “In which shelf do you have goat milk?”

Me: “We don’t sell any milk from animals, because we’re a vegan store.”

Customer: *thinks for some seconds* “But goat milk is not from cows; it must be vegan!”

Me: *looks at her* “But goats are also animals. And as I said, we don’t have products from any animal.”

Customer: “Ah, you are right. I never thought about that goats that way.”

Not So Nice Spice

, , , , | Right | November 14, 2018

(It is a slow day at the take-out restaurant I work for. Our menu has labels that state very clearly if something is “spicy.” I get a call from a frantic semi-regular customer.)

Customer: “You made the dish I picked so spicy!”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “I know on the menu it says, ‘spicy’! But it is never usually spicy. My mother cannot eat this!”

Me: “Yeah, usually we do not make this dish really ‘spicy’ because of our clients, but some new chefs do not know this. You could always ask for it non-spicy.”

Customer: “I never thought to ask! I want a new one.”

Me: “Okay, hold one moment; let me talk to my boss.”

(I put her on hold and talk to my boss, who agrees to make a new one — even if it was supposed to be spicy.)

Me: “My boss said we can make you a new one; just bring the old one back. It should take about five minutes.”

Customer: “Oh, no! I want it delivered.”

Me: “Delivered? But you picked it up.”

(Also, the delivery driver would not be tipped, so they would not want to be sent out.)

Customer: “I know, but I do not wish to go back out.”

Me: “Sorry, we cannot deliver it. If you want a new one you have to come get it.”

Customer: “Fine, my mother will just deal with it!” *hangs up*

Should Have Thrown In Some Mac & Cheese To Finish It Off

, , , , , | Working | November 13, 2018

(Where I work, six of us get the chance to have a “business lunch” on the company’s dime, so we check out a new restaurant nearby. It’s a nice place, a little pricey, but the lunch menu is okay. We all place our orders, and everything seems fine, until the drinks come out and one of us is handed an iced tea.)

Black Coworker: “Um, I ordered the lemonade.”

Waiter: “Oh, sorry about that. Let me fix that right up for you!”

Me: *after the waiter leaves* “Is it bad that the first place my brain went to is, ‘Hey, that guy must have the racist filter on; the one black guy at the table must want the sweet tea!’”

(Everyone at the table starts laughing, including “the black guy,” and we affirm that, no, it WASN’T right but it WAS funny. He gets his lemonade, we place our orders, and eventually the food comes out. Five of us get exactly what we want, including one customized one. Guess what?)

Black Coworker: “Dude, seriously?”

New Server: “What’s wrong?”

Black Coworker: “I ordered the bacon cheeseburger with fries; this is a fried chicken sandwich and mashed potatoes!”

New Server: “Wh… Ah, I’m, so sorry sir, there must have been a mix-up. Let me go get that fixed for you!”

(This time there was no laughing. It also turned out that, no, there wasn’t a swap; that was what the waiter had written down! My coworker had ordered LEMONADE and a CHEESEBURGER, and was given SWEET TEA and FRIED CHICKEN. If everything had been messed up, it wouldn’t have been so obvious, but we definitely made mention of this to the manager before leaving, and my coworker’s portion of the meal was totally comped. At least the food — once it was corrected — was tasty?)

Page 2/10712345...Last