This May Be Good-Looking But This Doesn’t Look Good

, , , , | Working | August 15, 2017

(I work in a club that has separate servers for taking orders, delivering food, and delivering drinks. I am a food server. One night, a table server brings me an order, saying the customer found it too cold. It feels fine to me, but I reheat it and bring it out to her.)

Customer: *giving me the stink-eye* “Is this the same food?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, you asked for it to be reheated.”

Customer: “No! I wanted a new dish! It was cold and I want new food cooked.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

(I go into the back, dump the food into a new basket, stick it in the microwave for five minutes, then bum around until it’s done. As I take the now lava-hot food out to the floor, a coworker who serves drinks passes me. He has a muscular build, but a baby face.)

Me: *getting an idea* “Hey, [Coworker]! Take this to the lady at table fifty. Just say it’s her new food.”

(He takes it and walks off. When he gets back, I ask how it went.)

Coworker: “She just took it and started eating.”

Me: “Ha! See, I knew no woman could resist a handsome guy like you bringing her food!”

Coworker: “…”

(Now when we have difficult customers, we have him handle it, because they love him!)

There Is Mushroom For Improvement, Part 3

, , , , | Working | August 15, 2017

(This story takes place in a diner late at night. I have just gotten off work and meet my parents and brother for a later dinner. We get seated and can already tell this is gonna be a rough meal: the waitress takes 10 minutes to come ask for our drink order, and another 20 before asking for our entree order. My mother orders a senior omelette, due to a food allergy in the regular omelette, and fruit, and I order a regular hamburger. This occurs once the waitress brings over our food.)

Mom: “I can’t eat this. This is the regular omelette.”

Waitress: “Oh, well, it’s bigger than the senior omelette, so really, you’re getting a deal here.”

Mom: “No, I specifically ordered the senior omelette due to my mushroom allergy. This will kill me if I eat it.”

Waitress: “Well, I guess I’ll take it back, then, but it will take a little bit of time to whip up a new one.”

(The waitress takes away my mom’s food, and she begins to eat my dad’s fruit to hold her. I go to take a bite of my hamburger, and realize it’s drenched in some type of barbecue sauce. Not wanting to make a huge issue, I eat a few bites, but can’t stand any more than that. 30 minutes later my mom’s food comes out; the manager bringing it out this time.)

Manager: “We’re really sorry about the mix up; we upgraded the omelette so that you got the size of the regular omelette, with the ingredients of the senior.”

Mom:“Well, thank you for that, but I ordered fruit, not hash browns, due to a diet restriction. But no point in waiting another hour to get fruit. My daughter will just eat them.”

Manager: *laughing slightly uncomfortably, she turns to me* “Well, I hope you’re hungry!”

Me: “I am. This hamburger was disgusting, and not what I ordered, I just didn’t want to sit here for another hour waiting for you to cook it, since we’ve been here almost two hours and my mom just got her meal. This was horrible service, and I would suggest you review your wait staff on proper customer service.”

(The manager assures me she will take care note of my suggestions, and leaves. We go up to pay.)

Waitress: “Your total is [total].”

Me: “No.”

Waitress: “What do you mean, sweetie?”

Me: “You expect my parents to pay full price for a horrible meal that took almost three hours to complete? Absolutely not!”

(My mother quickly ushers me out while my dad begins to pay. When he gets in the car, he turns to my mother.)

Dad: “We should take her out to dinner more often.”

Mom: “Why’s that?”

Dad: “She just got our waitress to give us our meal for free.”

Too Many Bad Cooks Spoil The Broth

, , , , | Working | August 14, 2017

(My husband takes a job cooking at a restaurant that has just opened in our small town. The place seems to always be busy when he is working. One day the manager calls him into the office.)

Manager: “We have a problem. Customers have been calling in and asking if you are working and they won’t come in if you are not.”

Husband: “Okay, so you want me to help train the other cooks and bring them up to par?”

Manager: “Well, not exactly. Could you just tone it down a bit?”

Husband: “So, you want me to cook worse instead of them cooking better?”

Manager: “Well, that’s one way of putting it.”

(My husband found another job.)

Reading Too Much Into This Reading Thing

, , , , , | Right | August 13, 2017

(All our boneless, skinless chicken breasts are buy one, get one free. Included are regular, thin sliced, tenders, and family packs. We have small signs in front of all the boneless, and big signs on sign holders standing up in the case. A woman picks up two packages of chicken WINGS from further down the case and wants them for the buy one, get one free offer.)

Woman: “But why can’t I get these? The signs there say ‘Buy One, Get One Free’ and I want these wings!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the offer is only on boneless, skinless chicken BREASTS, not all the chicken at this time. See? The signs over here mention everything that’s included.”

Woman: “Well, that’s ridiculous! I want my wings for free! People shouldn’t have to READ when they shop!”

Closing Time Really Sets Them On Fire

, , , , | | Right | August 11, 2017

(About five minutes before we’re scheduled to close, we notice smoke coming from the back office, so we evacuate the building and call 911. A car pulls up and parks a few minutes later while the fire department is inside. A man gets out, and begins walking toward the building.)

Man: “Looks like there’s something going on at [Restaurant], huh?”

Manager: “Yeah. We had a small fire tonight, but it’s under control and nobody was hurt.”

(He breezes past us, toward the door of the restaurant.)

Manager: “Sir! What are you doing?”

Man: “I was just going to swing into [Restaurant] for dinner really quickly.”

Manager: “You can’t go in there, sir.”

Man: “I don’t need to mess with the fire. I just want a sandwich.”

Manager: “There’s nobody in there to serve you. We’re all out here.” *she motions to the group of us, all in shirts with the restaurant’s logo on it* “We evacuated the building because it was on fire.”

Man: “But you said it was under control now! What if I gave you my money, and you went in, made my sandwich, and brought it back out to me?”

Manager: “We closed fifteen minutes ago. Even if nothing had happened and we were all inside, you still wouldn’t be able to come in, because we’d be closed.”

Man: “That’s bull-s**t; you guys just don’t want to make my food! I’ll take my business to [Competitor].”

Manager: “And they’ll let you in, because not only are they still open, but their building is also not currently on fire.”

(The man stormed back to his car, swearing to never come to our restaurant again, and sped off in a huff.)

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