Their Personality Needs Some Calibration

, , , | Right | June 9, 2017

(To ensure speed and accuracy of drink orders we add milk, sugar, and flavors to drinks by using three different machines. Each machine is calibrated to add a certain amount of product per size of drink. For example, and extra small shot of sugar is about 1 teaspoon, a small is 2 teaspoons, and so on. The same goes for the milk/creamer/skim milk machine; therefore, we can’t really do half shots of anything. A customer tells me that she wants a coffee with the smallest shot of skim milk. I make her the coffee and show it to her before putting the lid on.)

Me: “How’s that?”

Customer: “Oh, no, no, no, no.”

Me: “Would you like more or less milk?”

Customer: “More; that’s not nearly enough.”

(I add a little more milk and bring it back.)

Me: “Is that better?”

Customer: “Oh, no, no. now it’s too light.” *sigh* “But I guess it will do.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. All our machines are calibrated to a certain amount so it’s hard to get it just right sometimes, you know?”

Customer: “I understand. It must be so hard for you to actually make a coffee with something other than cream. It’s hard for you to understand; I get it. I have to keep it simple with you folks so you don’t get all confused.”

The Sauce Of Your Frustration

, , , , | Right | June 9, 2017

Waitress: “[My Name], this person says they didn’t like their lemon-pepper wings.”

Me: “And why is that?”

Waitress: “They said they were too wet.”

Me: “Not a problem; let me fix that.” *we have a dry rub for this particular flavor, luckily*

Waitress: “Thanks, [My Name]!”

(She later brings the wings back and says the customer told her they were too dry. After making said customer four different sets of dry and wet wings, I decide to go talk to them.)

Me: “So what is it you want done to your wings, sir?”

Customer: “I want my wings to be wet, but not too wet.”

Me: “So, in other words, you just need a little sauce wiped off.”

Customer: “I suppose so, yes.”

Me: *proceeds to do so; walks back to kitchen frustratedly*

Didn’t Do Your Mountain Dew Diligence

, , , , | Right | June 8, 2017

(I am waiting on a table of two ladies and go to check and see if they needed anything.)

Me: “Is there anything else that I can get for you at the moment?”

Customer #1: “I’ve been waiting for my drink for ten minutes! It shouldn’t take that long to get a drink!”

Me: *confused* “I’m sorry. Your water is right there on the table.”

Customer #1: “I know where my water is! I’m not stupid! I’m waiting for my soda!”

(I know she didn’t order a soda but as a waiter I have to go along.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I didn’t realize you ordered a soda.”

Customer #2: *speaking to [Customer #1]* “You didn’t order a soda…”

Customer #1: “Yes, I did! I ordered a soda and you still haven’t brought it!”

Me: “I apologize, ma’am. I’ll get it for you right away. What soda did you order?”

Customer #1: “Mountain Dew! I ordered a Mountain Dew!”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t even have Mountain Dew here.”

Customer #1: “Oh… well then, I ordered a Coke!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am.”

(The other lady gave me an apologetic look before I went to get the drink. Once I got to the kitchen I laughed and shrugged it off.)

You Say Tomato, I Say Death

, , , , , , | Working | June 8, 2017

(I’m in London for the weekend with a friend and we’re visiting a restaurant I always go to when I travel there. They usually have great food and good service, and are strict about allergies if you explain them when you order. I’m deathly allergic to tomatoes and go into anaphylactic shock if I eat any.)

Server: *after taking my friend’s order* “And you, miss?”

Me: “I’d like the English Breakfast platter, but can you make sure there aren’t any tomatoes or any ketchup in it? I’m extremely allergic.”

Server: *surprised* “Seriously? But ketchup is awesome!”

Me: “Sadly, yes. Could you also ask that if anything on the platter is prepared or cooked with tomatoes the chef skips that in my order? I’m fine with losing out on some stuff.”

Server: *sighs* “Fine. But we don’t comp prices if you remove things from the standard order.”

(I’m surprised by this, since they’ve done just that several times for me in the past, but I still go ahead and order and wait for the food to come.)

Server: *with food* “Enjoy your breakfasts.”

(After thanking him, we dig in. Call it paranoia and bad customer behaviour, but I always poke around in my food with a fork before eating out of fear of a tomato slipping in unnoticed.)

Me: “What the h***?!”

Friend: *alarmed* “What?”

Me: *shocked and angry* “There’s ketchup smeared on the underside of practically everything on this plate!”

(My friend, a tiny 5’ 4” woman, storms off to look for a manager while I quietly panic. One couple next to us has taken notice and asks me what’s going on. My friend comes back with a manager and the server soon after.)

Manager: *to me* “I’m very sorry for the mix up in your order, miss. We take allergies very seriously and—” *looks at my plate* “What the bloody h***, [Server]! None of our dishes looks like that, and the lady’s friend has told me she explained her allergy!” *to me* “Do I need to call for an ambulance, miss?”

Me: “No, thankfully I didn’t have any. But this is so not okay. If I’d eaten this I could have died.”

Server: *angry* “No one is allergic to ketchup! Just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean you’re allergic!”

Manager: “Go to my office. Now.”

(Our food got comped and the chef came out to apologise. The server had written that I wanted ketchup on the underside of everything except the eggs, and being as accommodating as they are, complied with the request.)

Should Have Got A Coke Zero

, , , , | Right | June 8, 2017

(A guy in his early twenties comes to our smoothie shop which is located in a busy mall.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: *looking around suspiciously and sniffing* “Yeah, just get me one of those strawberry drinks. Large.”

(We have several strawberry drinks, but I see that he’s looking at a picture of one of our most popular drinks.)

Me: “Is that the [Strawberry Drink] you’re looking for?”

Customer: *pulling up his hood and rocking back and forth* “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever.”

Me: “Sure thing. Did you want any boosters with that?” *our boosters are a blend of vitamins in powder form that we add to our drinks*

Customer: “No.”

(I make his drink and hand it to him.)

Me: “That will be $5.75, please.”

(The customer then takes out a small baggy with white powder in it, keeping it close to his body. He lowers his voice.)

Customer: “Oh, yeah… put this in it.”

(The customer is now looking around shifting his gaze.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I can’t add anything that does not belong to our company.”

(The customer becomes agitated.)

Customer: “WHY NOT?!”

Me: “Well, for instance, what if that is cocaine?”

(The customer BOLTS down the mall, bumping into two older ladies who are shopping.)

Next Customer: “Wow, that wasn’t suspicious at all…”

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