This Friendship Is Turning Bitter

, , , , | Friendly | June 14, 2017

(My friend and I are at an amusement park. We’re both hungry, so we decide to buy French fries from a restaurant the park is famous for. They offer malt vinegar in small packets, and my friend grabs a few.)

Friend: *opens packets of vinegar, then drinks all of them* “That was a really bad idea. I need water!”

(The park offers souvenir cups that are $1 to refill for the entire season.)

Friend: *returning* “The line was too long. And I don’t have a dollar. I’ll just suffer.”

Me: “Why the h*** would you drink malt vinegar in the first place?!”

Friend: “…shut up. I like the taste.”

Should Have Intervened On Their Intervention

, , | Friendly | June 13, 2017

(I have been invited out by a group of university friends. We have been shown to a table, and are ordering drinks.)

Me: “I’ll have a [Cider], please.”

Friend #1: *interrupting* “He’ll just have water, thanks.”

Me: “What the h***?”

Friend #1: *shrugs* “[My Name], we’ve all invited you out because of your alcohol problem. This is an intervention.”

(All of the table are nodding in concern and some are patting my hand and arm.)

Me: “What the h*** are you talking about?”

Friend #1: “We’ve all seen your Facebook profile, and we’re worried that your drinking problem is becoming an issue.”

Me: “My Facebook profile?”

Friend #1: “Your pictures from the stag do.”

Friend #2: “And your sister’s wedding.”

Friend #1: “And that night in London.”

Me: “Wait, wait, wait. You’re thinking of [Other Friend]. I’ve been in Saudi Arabia for two months. You can’t even drink there!”

(A look of realisation spreads across the table.)

Friend #1: “Oh, no. We invited the wrong friend out!”

(They all left swiftly afterward and I was left with the drinks bill. Honestly, these “friends” could turn you to drink. As for Other Friend, our names are nothing alike, so I’m still clueless as to how they confused us.)

Not So Sweet On The Obvious

, , , | Right | June 13, 2017

(I work at a fast food restaurant that is known for its homemade lemonade. We have regular lemonade made with sugar, or diet made with Splenda.)

Customer: “Can I have two lemonades, a large and a small?”

Me: “Of course!”

(She sees me make them with the regular lemonade. After I finish making both of them…)

Customer: “Oh, I’m sorry, I wanted it with Splenda.”

Me: “No problem! Let me change that for you.”

(I remake both with the diet lemonade. She takes them and walks away. A few minutes later…)

Customer: “I’m sorry again. I want the regular lemonade. I didn’t know this one had Splenda in it.”

(I remake them again and she leaves. How did she not know that the Splenda lemonade has Splenda?)

They’re Not Horsing Around With Those Toppings

, , , , , , | Working | June 12, 2017

(We are sitting down for pizza in an area of London that is notorious for its hipsters. This usually means some weird options in restaurants, such as cauliflower cheese pizza. We are ready to order.)

Waiter: “This is one of our most popular pizzas, made with our best horse cheese.”

Friend: “I’m… sorry?”

Waiter: “It comes with premium toppings, including horse cheese.”

(We look at each other before looking back at the waiter.)

Friend: “Could we order it with regular cheese?”

Waiter: “I’m not sure; let me check…”

(He walks into the kitchen and calls out loudly for the chef, and pretty much the whole restaurant heard what came next.)

Waiter: “Hey, can we do the pizzas without horse cheese?”

Chef: “What the f*** is horse cheese?!”

(The restaurant LOST it! Apparently the staff had been playing a prank on the waiter, but no customers had thought to ask about the ‘horse cheese’ up until then! I wonder if it’s really a thing, or if some people will just eat anything without question!)

The Sauce Of Their Confusion

, , , , | Working | June 10, 2017

(I go to get a hotdog from a stand. The man puts it in the bun and automatically reaches for the sauces.)

Me: “Oh, no, could I just have it plain, please?”

Employee: “What?”

Me: “No ketchup or mustard.”

Employee: “But I don’t know how to make it without them.”

Me: “Just don’t put them on.”

Employee: *spends a while mentally processing this then hands me the hotdog, still looking confused*

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