Desperado To Make A Scene

, , , , , | Right | June 5, 2017

(It’s a really busy Saturday evening shift in my bar and I am ten-hours deep into a twelve-hour shift. A group of women arrive at the bar and my colleague begins to serve them. It’s her first shift so I keep half an eye on her, even though I am busy dealing with my own customers. I notice the women muttering amongst themselves and giving dirty looks to my colleague as she is ringing their order through the till. I finish up with my own customers and approach them.)

Me: “Hello! Can I help you at all?”

Customer #1: “I’ve been served THIS and I asked for a Desperados and a lime and soda. She’s put it all in the same glass.”

Me: “Oh, I’m really sorry about that madam; I’ll get new drinks for you right away.”

(I serve her the drinks and as my colleague realises her mistake we all laugh about it together. Everything seems rectified. Then, a second woman comes forward and slams down the Desperados I have dispensed into a plastic glass for her, as is our company’s policy after 10 pm.)

Customer #2: “What the f*** is this?”

Me: “It’s a Desperados.”

Customer #2: “Well, I want the bottle.”

Me: “Unfortunately it’s our policy that we don’t serve glass after 10 pm. We have to dispense all the bottles into—”

Customer #2: “Well, she could have f***ing told me!”

Me: “I understand. It’s my colleague’s first shift and I will ask her to remind customers of our policy in future. Can I get you another—”

Customer #2: “I never saw her pour it, so how do I even know it’s a Desperados?”

Me: “Well, you weren’t at the bar, so no, I expect you didn’t.”

Customer #2: “Listen, your mate—” *pointing in my face* “—served my friend the wrong drink and now this!”

(I’ve lost my rag now.)

Me: “Look, if you’re that bothered, I’ll pour you a new one.”

(I pour her a Desperados, making a huge show of showing her the label, and gesturing grandly as I set the drink down.)

Me: “Would you like a lime, madam?”

(These customers have obviously never been spoken to sarcastically by someone serving them, and their mouths drop. Customer #2 leans over the bar towards me.)

Customer #2: “How dare you not show me any respect! You need to learn some customer service skills!”

Me: “Respect is a two way street, and nice people get nice service. Have a lovely night.”

(They complained and wrote a s***ty review on Facebook; however, I’d already explained to the manager what a***-holes they were and he reviewed the CCTV which showed their intimidating and threatening body language towards me. We ‘liked’ the review, and commented, “Thank you for your review. We would like to remind you and all of our customers that our staff are human beings and deserve to be spoken to as such. Therefore, you are no longer welcome in our bar.”)

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Eating Them Was A Missed-Steak

, , , , | Right | June 4, 2017

(A customer hands me an empty, smelly meat package that once held a value pack of steaks.)

Customer: “I would like to return this steak. It was awful and grainy.”

Me: “Ma’am, there must me a product to return in order for me to process it. There are no steaks in this package.”

Customer: “I know. We ate them. But they were awful.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry you did not like the steaks, but we must at least have a significant unused portion to process a return.”

Customer: “But we ate them. We didn’t like them and I want my money back. I don’t know why you are giving me a hard time. I am a customer and I am not satisfied!”

Me: “I’m sorry. I cannot process a refund based on an empty food wrapper.”

Customer: “Who is the manager here? I want to speak with a manager!”

Me: “I am the manager.” *points to name tag*

(The customer struggled for a moment with what to say.)

Customer: “I’m calling corporate!”

Me: “Okay. Have a nice day.”

They’re Going To Give You Milk Out Of Spite

, , , | Right | June 3, 2017

(I work at a popular coffee shop in a mall. As such, we get very busy very quickly, and often don’t have enough people working to process customers as quickly as they’d like. Today was a very busy day.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “What sort of dairy-free drinks do you have?”

Me: “We have Lactaid and soy.”

Customer: “I’m just allergic to dairy.”

Me: “Okay, we can make your drink dairy-free.”

Customer: “Could you make the peppermint mocha dairy-free?”

Me: “Yes, we can. What size would you like?”

Customer: “What’s in the peppermint mocha.”

Me: “Normally it’s espresso, peppermint syrup, mocha sauce, steamed milk, and whipped cream with chocolate shavings on top. But we can make it dairy free with no topping.”

Customer: “Okay. I need it dairy free.”

Me: “Okay. What size would you like?”

Customer: “Wait, what kind of flavours are in the peppermint mocha?”

Me: “…peppermint syrup and mocha sauce.”

Customer: “What’s in your mocha sauce?”

Me: “It’s a powder we mix with water.”

Customer: *talking with her friend and doesn’t hear me*

Me: “What size would you like today?”

Customer: “Sorry, what’s in your mocha sauce?”

Me: “It’s a powder we mix with water.”

Customer: “Do you mix milk with it?”

Me: “No, we just use water.”

Customer: “Is there any dairy in it?”

Me: “If you’d like, I could go get the mocha package and show you the ingredients.”

Customer: “Yes, please.”

(I go to the back and give myself a couple of seconds to internally scream. I get a packet and go back out. The customer has gotten one of the baristas who is busy making drinks to stop and instead talk to her.)

Customer: “I need it dairy-free.”

Barista: “Our mocha sauce is dairy-free—”

Customer: “But do you put milk into it?”

Me: “I have the packet right here that you could look at.”

(Barista gives me a look of gratitude and goes back to making drinks. Customer hums and haws as she reads the package.)

Me: “Would you like a peppermint mocha today?”

Customer: “Yes, please. Oh! But I need it dairy-free!”

Me: “Yes, I know. What size would you like?”

Customer: “Oh, wait, your peppermint syrup…” *pause*

Me: “…yes?”

Customer: “Is it dairy-free?”

(After another couple minutes she finished her order and left to pick up her drink. I heard her remark to a friend how slow we were in getting her drink made.)

Fresh Line-Caught Vegetables

, , , , | Right | June 2, 2017

Employee: “What can I get for you, sir?

Customer: “Roast beef on white.”

Employee: “And what kind of vegetables would like on your sandwich, sir?”

Customer: “Tuna.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, sir, but we usually do not consider tuna to be a vegetable.”

Customer: “DO IT!”

Employee: “Sir, tuna is not—”

Customer: “TUNA! DO IT!”

(The employee eventually gave up and the customer received his roast beef sub with tuna-vegetable.)

Seasoned With Laughter

, , , | Friendly | June 1, 2017

(I’m known as the picky eater in my friend group. I never get anything on my sandwiches, no seasoning or anything. On this occasion, I go to get a sandwich from a restaurant where my friend works.)

Friend: *quietly* “I need to tell you something, but I need to wait for the other customers to leave.”

Me: “Okay…?”

(I’m very confused as to what he’s talking about. The other customers leave and his manager walks into the back room.)

Friend: *shouting* “F*** YOU, YOU’RE GETTING ITALIAN SEASONING!”

(It took me a few minutes to stop laughing and actually get my sandwich made.)

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