No Such Thing As A Free Lunch

, , , , , , | Right | June 27, 2017

(I work in a restaurant where you can have unlimited free salad with every main course. You can also purchase just salad on its own. This occurs one afternoon after a man comes to the bar, orders one starter, and helps himself to no less than six bowls of salad. When it’s clear he’s not going to order a main, I go over to him.)

Me: “Hello there, would you like to order your main course now?”

Customer: *looks angrily at me* “No, I don’t want a main.”

Me: “I’m afraid our unlimited salad bar is only free with every main course, so you will have to order a main or pay for the salad.”

Customer: “I can’t believe this; I’m not paying for salad. It says it’s free.”

Me: “Well, it is free with every main meal, so you need to order a main course. Let me get you a menu.”

(I walk off to get him a menu and to let the manager know what’s happening. He’s pretty blunt when talking to me but always supports us. He sees the guy on the camera and loiters by my till as the guy is pretty big and rather aggressive in his tone. When I go back to him, he is still there and standing near the till.)

Me: “Have you decided on your main?”

Customer: *mumbling complaints* “I can’t believe this; this is ridiculous, having to pay for free salad.”

Me: “It’s only free with a main. You can pay just for the salad, which is obviously cheaper.”

Customer: *pays for the salad reluctantly* “I can’t believe this. It’s disgusting! What sort of a place makes you pay for salad?!”

Me: “A restaurant!”

(He stormed out and my boss, who was watching the entire exchange, snorted and disappeared into the office where I later found him crying with laughter. He tried to tell me off but failed miserably.)

That Muffin Just Takes The Cake

, , , , , | Working | June 26, 2017

(My parents and I moved to London five years ago, but my much older sister still lives in our home country (USA). My eight-year-old niece is visiting at this point, and my mom and she and I decide to stop at a café for lunch while shopping in our local shopping centre. It is a chain café but we’ve eaten at different locations before and had a decent meal. Having gone in, nobody even looks at us for a few minutes.)

Mom: *signalling one of the servers* “Hi, could we get a table, please?”

Server #1: “Um… yeah… just go ahead and sit down anywhere…” *hurries off*

My Mom: “Ooookay, guess we’ll sit outside.”

(We pick a table outside, and are waiting for a few minutes before a different server approaches us:)

Server #2: “Hey, are you ready to order?”

Mom: *dumbfounded* “We haven’t even gotten menus yet…”

Server #2: “Oh! Um, I’ll get those for you.”

(Server #2 returns a minute later with menus, but before we can decide what we want, the server we initially spoke to comes over:)

Server #1: “Are you ready to order now?”

Mom: “We just got the menus less than a minute ago. Could we have a few more minutes to decide?”

Server #1: “Uh… sure…”

(We finally decide and Server #1 returns, and takes our order. Both my mom and I order dishes that involve two poached eggs, while my niece orders a blueberry muffin, as she is not very hungry and is not allowed to eat chocolate in public because she’s so messy.)

Server #1: *almost immediately after leaving with our orders, comes back* “Sorry… we don’t have any more blueberry muffins left…” *to my niece* “You can come inside with me and look at the other pastries in the display? How about a chocolate one instead?”

Me: “Oh, no, she’s not allowed chocolate.”

Server #1: *as if I have two heads* “Oh. Ooookay…? Well, I’ll take her inside and have her choose something else then.” *leaves with my niece, without my mom’s consent*

Mom: *quickly, to me* “Go with her. Make sure she doesn’t get anything she shouldn’t.”

(I go inside, and of course find Server #1 trying to convince my niece to get a huge chocolate muffin, dripping in chocolate. I intervene.)

Me: “Hey, [Niece], how about one of these fruit tarts? This one’s got apples on it. You like apples!”

(Thankfully my niece is not dead set on a muffin, and agrees to an apple tart. Server #1 shoots me a death glare for some reason.)

Server #1: “Fine. I’ll bring it out with the rest of your food.”

(I go back out to the table with my niece and wait for our food. It eventually comes, but neither my nor my mom’s eggs are runny in the centre. I don’t mind it too much but my mom is a picky eater and takes the plate inside, and tells them that the middle is solid and she wants a properly poached egg. She returns, and soon after her remade food is brought out. This time the eggs are VERY undercooked, almost raw.)

Mom: “Seriously? Come on, they can’t poach a freaking egg?”

(She sends it back again, this time cancelling her entire meal, as my niece and I are almost finished eating and we have a lot of errands to run. We eventually get the bill, and the meal she never ate was on it.)

Mom: *to me* “I knew they would try and charge me for this bulls**t.” *flags down Server #1* “Hi, yeah, I didn’t eat that. Take it off the bill.”

Server #1: “FINE.”

(Needless to say, we didn’t leave a tip.)

Customers Like This Are Why The Chicken Crossed The Road

, , , , , | Right | June 26, 2017

Customer: “I’ll have the chicken club.”

Me: “I’m sorry; we only have ham and turkey club sandwiches.”

Customer: “No chicken?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Just ham or turkey?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “What about a smoked meat club?”

Me: “No, sorry.”

Customer: “Chicken?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Ham or turkey?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “No smoked meat?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “I can’t get a smoked meat club?”

Me: “Sorry. Only turkey or ham.”

Customer: “Chicken?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Smoked meat?”

Me: “No.”

(This continued for a solid three minutes while a coworker stood nearby laughing. The customer ended up ordering spaghetti and I died a little inside.)

Cucumboincidence

, , , | Working | June 25, 2017

(We usually serve jugs of tap water with ice and a slice of lemon. I notice that the manager has put a slice of cucumber in one for a table. I go over to get it.)

Me: “Why did you put cucumber in it?”

Manager: “Why not?”

Me: “What if they’re allergic?”

Manager: “Who’s allergic to cucumber?! They’re more likely to be allergic to citrus.”

(I take the jug over to the table.)

Customer: “Can we get one without the cucumber? I’m allergic. The lemon’s fine, though!”

Sounds Like They Really Needed Both Coffees

, , , | Right | June 23, 2017

(I am waiting for my friend to order a drink. After about 30 seconds he sits down with a large coffee in hand.)

Me: “That was quick!”

Friend: “I know, but it doesn’t taste right.”

(I look in the cup.)

Me: “It looks like regular black coffee.”

Friend: “I know, but I ordered a cappuccino. This doesn’t taste right.”

Me: “It says ‘Rach’ on the cup. It isn’t yours.”

Friend: “I know. It doesn’t taste right though.”

(Eventually his name was called and he picked up the drink he actually ordered. He continued to complain about Rach’s drink until he finished it, saying that, for a cappuccino, it didn’t taste right. I convinced him to leave a large tip in the jar on the front counter as we left, enough to cover the cost of Rach’s coffee. He didn’t understand why.)

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