Manager Was Too Chicken To Challenge

, , , , | Right | April 18, 2018

(I work in the deli. A coworker of mine from the customer service desk delivers packaging of a returned rotisserie chicken. I notice it has a sticker on it indicating that the item was marked down to half-price when it was purchased. When I look at the receipt, I notice something wrong.)

Me: “Uh, [Coworker]?”

Coworker: “Yeah?”

Me: “I see that this chicken was marked down to half-price, but looking at this receipt, it shows that the customer was refunded the full price.”

Coworker: “Yep… My boss told me to just give them the full refund, anyway.”

Me: “The reason it was returned was because the chicken was ‘a little dry,’ meaning the customer ate it. We actually paid the customer to eat our chicken?”

Coworker: “Lovely, isn’t it?”

Me: *long pause* “That’s it! I’m quitting and starting my career eating half-price chicken, effective immediately!”

Have Low Egg-spectations Of Their Staff

, , , , , , | Working | April 17, 2018

(I’m eating breakfast in the café of a well-known supermarket chain, chatting with an extremely friendly elderly couple at the next table over who still seem to be waiting for their meals. One of the staff comes over with two jacket potatoes and I am treated to this exchange:)

Waitress: “I’m sorry, again, about having to change your order; unfortunately, we just can’t provide scrambled eggs.”

Wife: “It’s fine; don’t worry! We were happy with the breakfasts, otherwise, though… My husband just cannot eat fried eggs!”

Waitress: “I know. I’m very sorry. I couldn’t tell you the reasons, but it’s an issue of Health and Safety. We’re not allowed to poach or scramble eggs. We can only fry.”

Me: *leaning over* “But isn’t it easier to safely scramble an egg than fry one?”

Waitress: “I know; it’s just what we have to do.”

(I think [Supermarket] needs to revisit their risk assessments if their catering staff aren’t officially trusted with an egg!)

Asking Some Fresh Questions

, , , , | Healthy | April 16, 2018

(I have recently gotten pregnant with my first child, and am at my OB/GYN having an initial consult with a nurse practitioner who appears to be in her mid-50s. We are going over restrictions now that I’m pregnant. My family are avid fishermen, and my husband and I regularly eat the freshwater fish we catch.)

Nurse Practitioner: “Here’s a pamphlet on fish and seafood. Research has really helped recently, so there’s a comprehensive list of what types of fish are safe and which ones you should limit.”

Me: *looking over list, and noticing it’s only ocean fish* “Okay, but what about freshwater fish? Are there risks or restrictions on those?”

Nurse Practitioner: “It should be on the list; they have types listed there.”

Me: “No, I know, but these are all ocean fish: salmon, tuna, cod, etc. I’m talking about freshwater fish. My family and I catch and eat locally, and at our cabin in Minnesota:perch, bluegill, northern pike. Are those okay?”

Nurse Practitioner: “I’ve literally never had anyone ask me that.”

Me: “Really?”

Nurse Practitioner: “I guess I don’t get many patients who fish! I’d say it’d be okay to eat those as long as you ensure that they’re cooked thoroughly.”

(It surprised me that in a rural area, a nurse practitioner with that much experience wouldn’t have come across that before!)

Prison Break Your Tooth

, , , , , , | Learning | April 14, 2018

In 2001, I was a freshman attending college. The school had an excellent reputation for its technical and engineering programs, but a much less stellar one for its food. They managed to ruin every meal, including self-serve cereal — a fact that infuriated most students, as the same company would produce gourmet-level meals for parents’ weekend or other special events. However, as the school was located in the middle of a not-very-friendly city, and meal plans were a required part of tuition, most meals were taken at the school cafeteria.

One particular night, my friends and I went for dinner at the all-you-can-eat buffet, where one of my friends decided to have the manicotti. We were all talking, eating, and having a good time, when suddenly said friend got a very odd look on his face. He reached up and spit out a drywall screw! There was a drywall screw in his manicotti.

Naturally, we complained to the management. The manager in charge, of course, immediately declared it wasn’t their fault. It was, and I quote, “A manufacturing defect.”

What part of making manicotti involves drywall screws?

We continued to make our displeasure known, both to the management and to the school. Nothing was ever done about it. My friend was given a refund for the price of his meal, and was promptly ignored.

Of course, the story doesn’t end there. We later would discover that the same company that provided meals for our school also served the local prison, and that we were getting the same meals on the same days as them. We were literally eating prison food. It wasn’t until many years later that it occurred to us that that manicotti might just have been meant to go to the prison. We may have eaten someone’s prison escape attempt. There was probably some prisoner frantically searching through the manicotti, trying to find his smuggled screw.

To this day, I have never been able to eat manicotti.

Chronicles Of The Doughnut Police

, , , , , , | Working | April 12, 2018

(I decide to bring in some cakes for my office, as a bit of a pick-me-up for the team. We’ve all been having a rough few weeks. One downside is my coworker who always takes it upon himself to offer other peoples’ food, but not before taking his “share” to ensure that he gets his first. I have asked him not to, and he sarcastically calls me the doughnut police or similar. Today he has outdone himself; not only does he take plenty for himself, he then disappears around the company to tell everyone to go to the office to get theirs, actually taking food from the people he works with every day, to try to make himself popular. As I see him through the window, sending worker after worker up to us, I have an idea.)

Coworker: “Where’s my cakes?! I left them right here?!”

Me: “I don’t know; it was weird. A lot of people appeared from nowhere; one of them must have taken them.”

Coworker: *angry* “And you didn’t stop them?”

Me: “What do I look like? The doughnut police?”

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