Thought It Was Going To Be A Hot Potato Subject

, , , , | Right | December 8, 2017

(A customer came in earlier and purchased some of our homemade potato salad. He now calls.)

Me: “[Deli], how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, who am I speaking to?”

Me: “This is [My Name].”

Customer: “I was in there earlier, and I bought some of your potato salad.”

Me: *thinking: We JUST made that this morning; how is there a problem with it?* “Yes?”

Customer: “It is the best potato salad I have ever had! Whoever makes it there, make sure that they never change the recipe; it’s delicious!”

Me: *startled* “I… Thank you. [Coworker] makes the potato salad, so if you want I can transfer you to—”

Customer: “No, that’s okay. I just wanted to let you know that it’s really good! Have a nice day, now.”

Me: “You, too. Thank you for calling!”

(The customers that call to compliment and not complain are few and far between, but they really brighten my day!)

On The Rocks Hits Rock Bottom

, , , , , | Right | December 6, 2017

(I am serving a woman and I’m about to make her drink for her meal.)

Customer: “Please, can I just have a little bit of ice? I don’t like too much ice.”

Me: “Of course; I’ll just sprinkle a little in the bottom.”

Customer: “Oh no, I prefer me ice at the top of the cup; could you please put it there instead?”

Me: “Umm, sure, I think I can manage that…”

Cashed In All Your Chips

, , , , , | Related | December 6, 2017

(I have quite the sweet tooth, though chocolate is my favorite. Because of this, my mother usually hides her chocolate chips for baking throughout the kitchen. This happens while I’m helping cook dinner.)

Mom: *opens cabinet* “Oh… [My Name], could you go see if there are any dirty dishes in the dining room?”

Me: “Already checked. There’s nothing.”

Mom: “…could you go see if the dog is trapped outside? I think I hear her barking.”

Me: “The dog’s sleeping on the couch.”

Mom: “…could you…”

Me: “Mom, I know you have a bag of chocolate chips hidden in the crock pot. I know where you hide all of the chocolate chips.”

Mom: “Wait, you do?”

(I proceed to point out a literal DOZEN different spots that chocolate chips are hidden in: behind the fridge, inside several pans, even a secret cupboard above the oven!)

Me: “Mom, you will never be able to hide the chocolate chips from me.”

Mom: “…”

Me: “It’s a sixth sense I have.”

(She still tries to hide the chocolate from me. I always find it.)

A Blend Of Bad Ideas

, , , , , , , | Working | December 6, 2017

My husband and I go to a local sub shop to get lunch because, although their food is far from tasty, they have bubble tea, which I adore.

I order a strawberry one, and we sit and chat while they prep our food. We grab it and leave, and I take a slurp of my bubble tea and get a mouthful of milk.

We go back in and I tell the gal that there has been some sort of mistake. She explains casually, as if it makes total sense, “Oh, yeah. Our blender broke yesterday, so I had to just put the ingredients [ice, milk, strawberries] in the cup with the tapioca, without blending it first.”

She fights me about getting a refund, too, asking me what I expect her to do without a working blender. I expect her to tell customers they can’t get any bubble tea because the blender’s broken, obviously, rather than charge people $6 for a cup of milk with stuff floating in it!

Ask Me No Questions, I’ll Tell You No Porkies

, , , , | Related | December 5, 2017

Mom: *to three-year-old daughter* “Ham, pork, and bacon all come from the same animal.”

Daughter: “Which animal do they come from?”

Dad: “From the pig.”

Daughter: “How do they get them out of the pig?”

Mom: “…”

Dad: “…”

Mom: “…”

Dad: “Eat your dinner, sweetie.”

(Not today. Soon, but not today.)

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