This Food That I (H)Ate

, , , , | Right | December 13, 2018

(I am looking after the pub while the manager is away on holiday. It’s lunchtime, and the whole place is very busy. One woman has ordered food for herself and her family — three others. As we are very busy, I am on the bar serving food and drinks as required, and also walking the floor tidying and doing standard “check-backs.”)

Me: “Sorry to interrupt, but could I just check that everything is okay with your food here?”

Whole Table: “Yes, thank you, very good.”

Me: “Excellent. If I can get you anything else, just give me a shout.”

(I then leave the table and go back to the bar to continue serving the many other customers. About ten minutes later…)

Woman: “Excuse me. I have a complaint about our food and would like a refund.”

Me: “Okay, bear with me for just one moment. I will finish serving this customer and be with you straight away.”

(I walk over to the table to discuss what the issue is.)

Me: “I’m very sorry; what is the problem with the food?”

Woman: “It wasn’t cooked very well, and wasn’t very tasty.”

(I notice that all four plates are virtually empty; in fact, two are totally clean.)

Me: “I am very sorry you feel that way, but I notice that you have eaten almost all your meals, and when I checked on you part way through the meal you seemed very content and did not raise any issues to me at any other time.”

Woman: *getting a little bit aggressive* “I don’t care; I am making a complaint now and would like a refund.”

Me: *remaining very calm* “I do apologise, but unfortunately we do have a policy that if the customer does not raise a concern until after they have eaten all the food, then a refund cannot be given for the food. I would be happy to provide your party with an extra drink by way of a goodwill gesture.”

Woman: *shouting very loudly* “That is not good enough! I want a full refund! Where is the manager?! I want to speak to the manager!”

(At this stage all my experience and ability to remain calm are wearing very thin.)

Me: “Okay, bear with me. I will just see if the manager is available.”

(I remove the plates from the table and head through the doors to the kitchen where I wait for a few moments, before heading back over to the table.)

Me: “Hello, madam, I understand you have an issue with the service and the food. Is there anything I can do for you?”

(With this, half the pub, who are very much aware of who I am and what I am doing, start laughing.)

Woman: “Is this some sort of joke?!”

Me: “No, madam. I am the manager and I have explained to you very clearly what our policy is; I have even gone above and beyond to try to appease you, despite the fact that you very obviously were trying to scam free food. If I could ask you to leave now, please, as I have instructed my staff not to serve you any longer, that would be most appreciated. Thank you.”

(When I got back behind the bar, I was bought four separate drinks from customers, as I had made their days. I never did see the family in the pub again.)

What Really Gets Their Goat Is A Lack Of Them

, , , , | Right | December 9, 2018

(I work as a manager at a local branch of a common fast food restaurant. All locations in the US have the same items, prepared the same way. We have never accepted and are not equipped for delivery or over-the-phone orders. I’m in the office, counting down a register, when the phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Caller: *with a noticeable Indian accent* “Hello. I’d like to place an order for pickup.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We don’t accept orders for pickup. You have to be in our store to order.”

Caller: “Oh, then, can I ask questions about your food?”

Me: “Of course. Go right ahead.”

Caller: “Do you sell burgers?”

(I am silent for a second, as our restaurant has the word “burger” in the name.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am, we do.”

Caller: “How big are your burgers?”

(This is a fairly common question, but since most customers are in the store when they ask, I usually give them an estimate with my hands.)

Me: “I don’t know the dimensions off the top of my head, but I can look them up for you.”

Caller: “Are they as big as the ones in India?”

Me: “I’ve never been to India, ma’am. I don’t know. If you give me a second, I can look it up for you.”

Caller: “Are your burgers made from cow?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Most of them.”

Caller: “That’s horrible! How dare you use cow in your burgers?! Those poor cows! In India all our burgers are made with vegetables!”

Me: *taken aback* “We do have a veggie burger, ma’am. And a chicken burger.”

Caller: “You have a veggie burger and a chicken burger? What about goat?”

Me: “Sorry?”

Caller: “Do you have a goat burger?”

Me: “No, ma’am. We don’t have a goat burger.”

Caller: “You don’t have a goat burger?! How could you not have a goat burger?! I’m going to take my business somewhere else!” *hangs up*

They’re Frozen On The Menu

, , , , , | Right | December 9, 2018

(I work at a fast food restaurant. We sell frozen drinks for $1. Unfortunately, today all the frozen drinks machines are broken, as are all of the soft drink machines. We have signs plastered in the drive-thru informing customers, and we greet every customer by telling them this. Almost every single order goes along these lines.)

Me: *greeting* “Unfortunately, we are unable to sell and frozen drinks or soft drinks right now.”

Customer: “Okay, can I get a cheeseburger meal with a [frozen drink]?”

Me: “We can’t do any frozen drinks or soft drinks at the moments, I’m sorry.”

(I tell customer what drinks they CAN get.)

Customer: “Oh, I’ll just get a lemonade with the meal, then.”

Me: *eye twitching* “We can’t sell any lemonade, or any other soft drink, or frozen drink. I can only give you…” *repeats other options*

Customer: “Can I have a [different frozen drink], then?”

Me: *slowing bashing my head on the wall* “We can’t do any soft drinks or frozens at the moment.”

Customer: *pause* “I’ll just get a Coke.”

Me: “…” *turns microphone off, starts screaming in frustration*

Egg-specting It Every Time

, , , , , , | Related | December 7, 2018

(I’ve never been able to eat eggs when they’re served on their own. It’s not an allergy, since I can eat them in baking with no problems. There’s something about the taste, smell, and texture that makes me gag. My mother-in-law has always known this about me, and yet… during a Christmas visit in 1992…)

Mother-In-Law: “[My Name], have some of this breakfast dish I made.”

Me: “No, thank you; I’ll just have some toast.”

Mother-In-Law: “Why not? I worked hard on that!”

Me: “It has eggs in it.”

Mother-In-Law: “Oh. Right.”

(During another visit in 1999…)

Mother-In-Law: “Ah, [My Name], there you are. I saved you some scrambled eggs.”

Me: “Um…”

Two-Year-Old Daughter: “Mummy doesn’t like eggs!”

Mother-In-Law: “What? Since when?”

(During another visit in 2012…)

Mother-In-Law: “[My Name], have a bagel tuna melt.”

Me: “Thank you! I love bagel melts.” *takes a bite* “Um, is there egg in the tuna?”

Mother-In-Law: “Of course!” *as though I am stupid to ask*

Me: *quietly to my husband* “Would you like mine? I’ll just have the soup.”

(It’s been over twenty-five years now, and I don’t think she’ll change. We’ve never gotten along, so I suspect that she’s “forgetting” on purpose.)

Holy Moly Guacamole!

, , , , | Related | December 5, 2018

(My mother takes me to a seafood restaurant I’ve never been to before. I decide to try the tuna sashimi, and when it arrives, I notice something on my dish.)

Me: “What’s this green stuff?”

Mom: *as unsure as I am* “I think it’s guacamole.”

Me: “Oh! I love guacamole!”

(Elated, I enthusiastically dug in and took a very large bite… of the grandmother of all horseradish! That day was when I first learned about Wasabi.)

Page 1/11212345...Last