Sounds Like They Really Needed Both Coffees

, , , | Right | June 23, 2017

(I am waiting for my friend to order a drink. After about 30 seconds he sits down with a large coffee in hand.)

Me: “That was quick!”

Friend: “I know, but it doesn’t taste right.”

(I look in the cup.)

Me: “It looks like regular black coffee.”

Friend: “I know, but I ordered a cappuccino. This doesn’t taste right.”

Me: “It says ‘Rach’ on the cup. It isn’t yours.”

Friend: “I know. It doesn’t taste right though.”

(Eventually his name was called and he picked up the drink he actually ordered. He continued to complain about Rach’s drink until he finished it, saying that, for a cappuccino, it didn’t taste right. I convinced him to leave a large tip in the jar on the front counter as we left, enough to cover the cost of Rach’s coffee. He didn’t understand why.)

The Sauce Of Your Frustration Is The Cheese

, , | Working | June 22, 2017

(I’m at a movie theater which has a large concessions stand with a coffee bar, hot foods counter, and coolers and racks to get pre-packaged items. At the end are two cash registers to cash out. I go up to the hot foods counter to order.)

Me: “Hi, could I get an order of pretzel bites with butter and salt, please? Oh, and I don’t need any cheese sauce with them.”

Employee #1: “The pretzels will be around a minute, but the cheese sauce is free.”

Me: “I know it’s free, but I don’t like it, and won’t eat it, so there’s no point.”

(I smile at him. He stares back at me like I’ve sprouted antenna for a moment.)

Employee #1: “Uh… sure.”

(While the pretzel bites are being made I pick up a bottled drink from one of the coolers. When I come back to the hot counter, Employee #2 is making my pretzel bites. When they are ready, he reaches into a warming rack with the cheese sauce cups among other things.)

Me: “Oh, is that for me? I don’t want the cheese sauce, so I’ll just take the pretzel bites. Thanks.”

Employee #2: *with a blank look* “The cheese sauce is free.”

Me: “I know, but I won’t eat it, so…”

Employee #2: “But… it’s free…”

Me: “I know it’s free, but I don’t want it.”

(At this point he is trying to hand me the pretzel bites with the sauce. Giving up, I just take them.)

Me: “Thank you.”

(The warming rack where the cheese came from is actually open to both the employees behind the counter, and the customers because there are pre-packaged hot dogs and nachos in them along with the sealed cups of cheese sauce. So I put the cheese sauce back, and go to check out around the corner.)

Cashier: “You know that the pretzel bites come with cheese sauce, right?”

Me: “Yes. I don’t like and won’t eat it so I requested the pretzel bites without it.”

Cashier: “Oh, ok, I just wanted to make sure you knew. Enjoy your movie.”

(At least the cashier listened to me, but really is not wanting nacho cheese sauce on buttered and salted pretzel bites that weird?)

The Bizarre Sight Is A Gift In Of Itself

, , , | Right | June 22, 2017

Customer: “Can you wrap this pomegranate?”

Me: “You mean in plastic?”

Customer: “No, in gift wrap”

Me: “Um… okay.” *boss comes in to see me gift wrapping a pomegranate*

Their Knowledge Of Steak Is In Need Of Beefing Up

, , , , , | Right | June 21, 2017

(I work at a fairly nice restaurant on the till/ordering counter. Customers have to open a tab and order at the counter. After that they can pay, order drinks and desserts, etc. from their tables.)

Customer: *orders a rib eye steak*

Me: “And how would you like that done sir?”

Customer: *said loudly with explosive breath* “BEEF.”

Me: *thinking he misunderstood what I had asked* “Sorry, I meant how would you like that cooked?”

Customer: *same inflection* “BEEF!”

Me: “Uh… yes, sir, all our steaks are beef. How do you like your steak? Rare, medium, well done?”

Customer: “BEEF!”

(This goes on for a couple of minutes, with me trying to find a way to ask the customer how he wants his steak done that he would comprehend. Our manager has a policy that every customer has to confirm what they want before we cook it and he takes pains to check we are doing it right. The manager comes out to see why no order has been put through on my till for a little while and he sees I’m having an issue. He grumpily sends me to the kitchen while he tries to deal with the customer. Five more minutes pass.)

Manager: “Yeah… he wanted a beef steak. Go have a break.”

The Contrarian Vegetarian

, , , | Working | June 21, 2017

(The office where I started working a few months ago decides to have a corporate BBQ. I’ve been a vegetarian for over a decade and, by now, try to avoid barbecues. Even though it probably would’ve been nice for networking I decide not to go and tick that I can’t attend on the response card. My boss, a rather nice guy, asks me about this.)

Boss: “Hey, I just saw that you can’t attend the BBQ. Is it something with the date?”

Me: “Yeah, I’d really love to come but… well, I don’t eat meat and I really don’t want to inconvenience somebody. Besides I wouldn’t feel comfortable needing some kind of special treatment. However, I’d be happy to attend the next corporate event.”

Boss: “Oh, come on. It can’t be that bad?”

Me: *laughing* “Well, to be honest, from my experience I could come wearing a clown’s costume and only talk Swahili and still only be reluctantly talking about my diet the whole evening… only to be subsequently seen as a ‘missionizing vegetarian.’ It’s fine, though; I just don’t feel comfortable at BBQs. I don’t want anybody to feel like he has to justify why he’s eating meat and I don’t want to justify myself. Sadly, BBQs provoke a massive amount of both.”

Boss: *reassuring* “Nonsense! It will be fine. Just write that you are vegetarian on the response card and I’ll let [Coworker who organizes the food] know. She’ll organize something.”

(I comply and, after a while, even start looking forward to the BBQ. The day rolls around and, when they call for dinner, I start looking around only to find that there’s nothing marked as vegetarian and, in fact, even the salads all have bacon in them. I decide to ask said coworker since I think she might have stored the vegetarian options separately.)

Me: “Hi, [Coworker]. Ehhm, did [Boss] talk to you? I can’t find a vegetarian meal.”

Coworker: *snarky* “He did. And that’s because there’s no vegetarian option. Honestly, I’m sick and tired of you vegetarians always trying to force your beliefs on us normal people! It’s unfriendly and unnatural! You’ll eat meat or leave!”

(The irony was somehow lost on her. I apologized to my boss and left.)

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