Just One More Thing…

, , , , , | Right | October 19, 2018

(I work in a sandwich shop with an open kitchen. The customers can see every step of their food being made, from being cooked on the grill to being passed through the oven to being wrapped up and handed to them. Most customers choose to trust that we’re capable of doing our jobs, but others like to hang over the counter and pick at every detail.  One night I am working on the grill and a woman comes in to order her sandwich. After having it explained that the sandwich she wants only comes with steak and provolone cheese on it, but she can add any other toppings she’d like, she says that just the steak and cheese will be fine. Immediately after I throw it on the grill, I hear her behind me.)

Customer: “Hey! Can you add some onions to that?”

Me: “Sure.” *adds the onions*

Customer: “How about some peppers and mushrooms, too?”

Me: “Yeah, that’s fine.”

Customer: “Put some mayo on the bread. No, more mayo than that! And put a few more onions in there, I like onions!”

(She continues this until I take her sandwich off the grill — including all of her added toppings — and start to put it through the oven to finish cooking. As I’m placing the cheese on her sandwich…)

Customer: “What kind of cheese is that?”

Me: “Provolone.”

Customer: “What other kinds do you have?”

Me: “We have Swiss or American if you don’t –”

Customer: “Put some cheddar on there.”

Me: “We don’t have cheddar.”

Customer: “Oh. Well then how about pepper jack?”

Me: “Sorry, we only have provolone, Swiss, or American.”

Customer: “Fine, then I guess the provolone will do.”

(I send her sandwich into the oven, and as it’s halfway through, she flags me down again as I start working on the other sandwiches on the grill.)

Customer: “Hey, I changed my mind; I want the American instead.”

Me: “Sorry, your sandwich is already in the oven. I can remake the whole thing if you want.”

Customer: “No, that’s okay. Just take the provolone off after it comes out and put some American on it.”

Me: “We can’t do that. The cheese melts onto the sandwich when it goes through the oven. I’ll have to remake the whole thing.”

Customer: *rolls eyes* “Fine, I guess I’ll just deal with the provolone, then. I wish you’d told me it would be melted.”

(Finally, her sandwich comes out of the oven and is wrapped up by the person on the other end — after a few more last-minute additions to her “meat and cheese only” sandwich, including another request to remove the provolone and add the non-existent cheddar — and we hand her food to her. Before she heads to the door, she asks the manager one more thing:)

Customer: “Are you guys hiring?”

Probably Too Dangerous

, , , , , | Right | October 18, 2018

(I work at a Chinese restaurant as a manager. A lady is getting a take out order.)

Me: “What kind of sauce would you like?”

Customer: “I would like suicide sauce.”

Me: *confused* “Do you mean soy sauce?”

Customer: *getting upset* “No, I want suicide sauce!”

Me: “We don’t approve of suicide, so if suicide had a sauce we would not obtain it for our customer consumption!”

(The lady thought about the situation and agreed to soy sauce. Now I’m curious if there is something called “suicide sauce“.)

If At First You Get Some Ice…

, , , , | Working | October 18, 2018

(As a younger teen than I am now, I went to an amusement park I haven’t been to for a while. The old restaurant I used to love is re-skinned and has new ideas. The cuisine is mainly the same, so I order my usual.)

Me: *at the counter* “I’m order 123.”

Server: “[Soda], no ice, and a bacon double cheeseburger?”

(She hands me a [soda] filled to the brim with ice. I look it over once and alert her.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I asked for no ice but this one has ice, and umm–”

Server: “Oh, no worries. I’ll get you a new one.” *to her coworkers* “I have a [soda] with ice if necessary.”

(She fills another cup with ice and begins to pour in the [Soda] before looking down and apologizing to me.)

Server: *to coworkers* “I have another one if you guys need it.”

(Once again, she filled a cup with ice and poured in the [Soda] without looking down. After this attempt, I got my [Soda] with no ice and left the restaurant with a smile on my face.)

Water Melon-choly

, , , , | Right | October 18, 2018

(I working at my friend’s family farm. It’s my second summer on the farm, and I’ve pretty much learned how to run a stand by myself. We have five stands operating in different counties, but I am at the main stand which sees a lot more regular customers than the others, since this stand is more permanent; it’s a building and not a stall in a farmer’s market. One of our “regulars” comes up to me, calm but a little irate.)

Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’m here because last week I purchased a watermelon and it didn’t taste good. I’d like a new one.”

Me: *immediately apologetic, because while the pickers do a good job sorting and hauling the watermelons, and I do a good job grading them, sometimes things get missed in the shuffle* “I’m so sorry! Was it rotten, or not ripe enough?”

Customer: “No. It wasn’t rotten, and it was ripe, but it didn’t taste good. I have been a loyal customer here for years, and I deserve a free watermelon!”

Me: “Wait, let me get this straight. The watermelon was perfectly fine, but you didn’t like how it tasted?”

Customer: “Exactly, yes. So I should get a free one.”

Me: “Ma’am, we’re taught how to check for ripeness, or signs it’s gone bad, but there is literally no way to tell how a watermelon, or any fruit tastes before you cut it open. I’m not allowed to give out free things unless the produce you originally bought was bad.”

Customer: “I’ve known your boss for years! I’ve been a loyal customer here, and I deserve a free watermelon.”

Me: *quickly losing patience* “Let me just call my boss and see what she says.”

(This woman proceeds to talk at me the entire time I’m dialing and speaking with my boss, who runs the farm and clearly has better things to do. My boss reiterates the policy and finally informs me this woman is not getting a free watermelon just because she didn’t like how hers tasted.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but my boss said I can’t give you a free watermelon. Perhaps a discount?”

Customer: “I don’t want a discount. I should get a free watermelon!”

Me: *firmly* “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

Customer: *with a pitying expression* “Then your boss just lost a loyal customer.”

Me: “Bye-bye, then!”

You Gouda Brie Kidding

, , , , , | Right | October 16, 2018

Customer: *in condescending tone* “I need a pound of American cheese.”

Me: “Someone’s using that right now; can I get you any meats until the cheese slicer is free?”

Customer: “I need provolone. Is Stella Swiss provolone?”

Me: *pause* “No.”

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