Reaching New Heights Of Absurdity

, , , , , | Right | April 5, 2019

(My parents have gone to the cinema. There are two screens at this cinema: [Screen #1], which is larger and has a balcony, and [Screen #2], which is smaller and doesn’t have a balcony. Balcony seats cost a bit extra. My parents are waiting to buy their tickets and a couple of women are in front of them.)

Woman #1: “Hi. We’d like two tickets for [Film in Screen #2].

Cashier: “No problem. That will be [price].”

Woman #2: “Oh, we want balcony seats.”

Cashier: “Oh, I’m sorry, but that screen doesn’t have a balcony.”

Woman #2: “But we want balcony seats! We’re happy to pay!”

Cashier: “I’m afraid [Screen #2] doesn’t have a balcony. Only [Screen #1] has a balcony, and it is showing [Film in Screen #1]. [Film in Screen #2] is only showing in [Screen #2], and there is no balcony.”

Woman #1: “Well, can’t you switch them over?”

Cashier: “I’m sorry?”

Woman #1: “Can’t you put [Film in Screen #2] into [Screen #1], and then we can have balcony seats?”

Cashier: “Um, no, I’m afraid we can’t do that.”

Woman #2: “This is disgraceful! Why won’t you let us go into the balcony?”

(This goes on for a couple of minutes before the women finally buy their tickets for [Film in Screen #2] and angrily enter to take their seats. My parents advance to the counter.)

Mum: “Two tickets for [Film in Screen #2], please. And we’ll take the non-balcony seats.”

Cashier: *laughs* “No problem!”

It’s Time They Accepted How Obnoxious They Are

, , , , , , | Right | February 23, 2019

(This conversation happens at our till point.)

Customer: “I’ll just try these on; do you have the time?”

Volunteer: *glancing at digital display on till* “It’s ten forty-seven.”

Customer: *silent and expectant*

Volunteer: *thinking the customer hadn’t heard* “Ten forty-seven.”

Customer: “Oh, I heard; I just wanted it in English. Ten to eleven, then.” *trots off to try on garment, leaving my volunteer gaping*

Not Ball-Bustingly Funny, But It’ll Do

, , , , , , , , | Healthy | November 1, 2018

(I have been diagnosed with testicular cancer and will have to have one of my testicles removed. I am meeting with the consultant who has run a few tests and has now given me the date of the surgery: the following Monday. It has been a bit of a bureaucratic nightmare to get this point.)

Consultant: “And I’m sorry again that it has taken so long to get to this point, but now that we’ve got the ball rolling—”

Me: *grinning* “Pun intended?”

(The consultant realised what he said, and both he and the nurse laughed. Later he told me he’d had other cancer patients that day who had — understandably — been very upset, and it was nice to see someone dealing with it with humour. The surgery has gone well and I’m making a good recovery!)