Flowers That Break The Internet

| Cedar Rapids, IA, USA | Extra Stupid, Funny Names

Middle-School-Aged Customer: “Oh, hey, we could get her some of these… Um, these—” *frowns at sign* “Kardashians?”

Customer’s Mother: “Those are carnations.”

Hopes Of A Refund Have Wilted Away

| Austin, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Popular

(A sad fact of the floral industry is that you often deal in people’s sorrows. Families often come in to purchase casket sprays and other pieces for their deceased loved ones. Sometimes getting the whole group to agree takes a certain degree of diplomacy. A group of about fifteen people come in and purchase several thousand dollars worth of funeral work for their matriarch. No one disagreed, no one voiced concerns about pricing, it was all too perfect, until several family members came back two days later and asked to speak with my dad.)

Dad: “What can I help you all with today?”

Customer #1: “Yeah, uh… we want to return the flowers we bought here the other day.”

Dad: “You want to return one of the pieces you bought on Monday afternoon?”

Customer #1: “No.”

Dad: “You don’t?”

Customer #2: “No, we want to return them all.”

Dad: “Was there a problem? Were they not to your liking?”

Customer #3: “Well, some of them are wilty now.”

Dad: “Well, that’s to be expected. Cut flowers don’t live too long out of water. But was there a problem with them at the time of delivery?”

(All three customers stare at each other, while dad pulls the order slip.)

Dad: Okay, all the pieces were ordered on Monday afternoon for a funeral Tuesday morning. They were delivered early Monday evening…”

Customer #1: “Yeah!”

Dad: “Yeah, what?”

Customer #1: “The funeral was Tuesday morning, that’s what we’re talking about.”

Dad: “I don’t follow.”

Customer #2: “The funeral was Tuesday.”

Dad: “Yes, and the flowers went out early Monday evening. I delivered them myself.”

Customer #1: “Yeah, but we don’t need them anymore.”

Dad: “What do you mean?”

Customer #1: “We only needed them for the funeral. The funeral’s over. We don’t need them anymore.”

Dad: “You’re wanting to return these because the funeral has passed?”

Customer #3: “Well, you don’t expect us to keep them, do you?”

Dad: “I don’t care what you do with them, but I’m not taking them back.”

Customer #1: “So you’re just going to keep our money?”

Dad: “Ma’am, this isn’t a flower rental service. Your family bought perishable goods. You wouldn’t return half eaten food to the grocery store, would you?”

Customer #1: “This is ridiculous! You won’t take ’em back?”

Dad: “No, I won’t.”

Customer #3: “Then what’d we bring ’em back here for?”

Dad: “I don’t know. Nobody told you to.”

Customer #1: “We see how this is. Y’all are just a bunch of crooks!”

(Not only did this continue for fifteen more minutes, in the end they left several of the pieces behind on our parking lot for us to throw away. In the end, we were able to salvage a couple of the wire easels which would have netted them about $8.00.)

Painful Showers Bring Mayday Flowers

| Midwest, USA | Awesome Customers, Health & Body, Wild & Unruly

(While working at the flower shop, I’m trying to quickly help a pushy customer.)

Customer #1: “Could you HURRY up? I’m in a rush!”

(I hurriedly wrap her flowers in tissue. In my rush to appease her, I staple my thumb to the paper. The staple is completely closed, going through BOTH my thumb and the paper. It immediately starts bleeding on her flowers.)

Me: “OW! Oh, gosh, I need to get some help with this!”

Customer #1: “No! I need my flowers! Give them to me!”

Me: “Ma’am, I am bleeding all over your flowers. I need some help getting this out of my thumb. I’m sorry, but you’ll need to wait.”

Customer #1: “NO! HURRY UP!”

Me: “Do you want bloody flowers?”

Customer #1: “I don’t care about your thumb! Get me new flowers!”

(At this point, I notice Customer #2, who is standing behind her, getting woozy at the sight of my bleeding stapled thumb.)

Me: *to Customer #2* “Sir, are you going to be okay?”

Customer #1: “Stop helping him! You’re supposed to be helping me!”

(Finally, a coworker hears the commotion and comes up front. She immediately gets on rubber gloves and starts trying to pry the staple out.)

Customer #1: “I can’t believe this! If I wasn’t in such a hurry, I would just go somewhere else!”

Customer #2: *still looking green* “Lady, just go somewhere else! Leave the poor girl alone!”

Customer #1: “Lazy employees!” *throws her hands in the air and leaves*

(Soon, the staple is gone and my wound is bandaged. At least my day ended on a high point—Customer #2 was very pleasant and bought me a flower!)

Sour On Devouring Flowers

| Northern California, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I’m working at a stall selling flowers in a popular farmer’s market. We have a large sign reading “EDIBLE FLOWERS!” to sell nasturtiums and organic, pesticide-free roses. A customer approaches.)

Customer: “Edible flowers? Are they made of sugar or something?”

Me: “No, sir! These are organically-grown flowers that are entirely edible. They’re usually used to add color to salads or as a garnish.”

Customer: “Like what?”

Me: “Well, these rose petals add color and a romantic flair to a dish, but they don’t have much flavor, rather like celery. Personally, I like the nasturtiums. They’re rather peppery and tasty. Would you like to try one?”

Customer: “You’re just putting me on, aren’t you?”

Me: “Not at all! Here, see?”

(I pick up one of the loose nasturtiums off the counter, pluck a petal off and eat it.)

Customer: “All right, I’ll try it.”

(I pluck another petal off the same flower and hand it to him. He puts it in his mouth and I see a pleasantly surprised expression spread across his face. I grin, happy to see he’s enjoying it.)

Customer: “HEY! Why’re you laughing at me?!”

Me: “Huh? I’m not laughing, I was smiling since you seem to be—”

Customer: “YOU TRICKED ME! I bet these aren’t edible at all! I’m gonna sue you!”

Me: “Sir, you just watched me eat part of the same flower—”

Customer: “You grow ’em! I bet you’ve developed an immunity and stuff! You tried to poison me, and now you’re laughing at me! I’m gonna sue you and then I’LL be the one laughing!” *storms off*

For Flower Power, Press 1

| Massachusetts, USA | Uncategorized

(I am female, in my 20s, and the only employee at this flower shop. The owner is older than me, and also female. An elderly woman calls one morning.)

Me: “Hello, [florist].”

Elderly customer: “Hello, I was looking for an American flag to hang outside.”

Me: “Okay, we have several sizes and we carry both nylon and cotton flags.”

(I run through the sizes for her.)

Elderly customer: “I’m just not sure. Is there a man I can talk to?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Elderly customer: “A man. I want to ask him about flags.”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, no men work here.”

Elderly customer: “I’ll just call back later…”

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