I’m So Tolerant I Can’t STOP Talking About It!

| Cedar Rapids, IA, USA | At The Checkout

(I work in a flower shop. It’s shortly after Valentine’s Day, so we’re all recovering from the rush. I’m a woman in my twenties.)

Customer: “So, did you and your husband do anything for Valentine’s Day?”

Me: “I had to work, but my partner understands. I sent flowers and we had dinner when I got home.”

Customer: “Oh, is that what we have to say now? ‘Partner?’ Not ‘husband’ or ‘wife’?”

Me: *a little annoyed* “Well, considering I’m gay and I don’t always feel like outing myself to random strangers, yes.”

Customer: “Ha, sure. You know, we’re having training at my job for that. We have to use different words. Gotta make sure we don’t offend anyone who’s not heterosexual.” *laughs*

Me: “Mm.”

Customer: “You know, I’m fine with it.”

Me: “Okay, good.”

Customer: “As long as you’re happy.”

Me: “I am.”

Customer: “You should go to San Francisco. They’re so tolerant there. It’s crazy.”

Me: “…uh-huh.”

Customer: “So liberal. I mean, it’s insane. They kiss in public there and everything. The first time I saw that, I was like, ‘What the h***?!’ I couldn’t believe it! In public!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “You really should go there. You’d love it. You’d fit right in.”

Me: “Have a nice day, sir…”

(Whatever his training was, I think that customer needed remedial classes.)

Do Not Face My Wreath

| MA, USA | Holidays, Technology

(I work as a florist. I pick up the phone.)

Customer: “Hi, do you do Christmas wreath repair?”

(The connection is a bit fuzzy and it’s January 22nd, so I’m not sure I heard him right. I ask him to repeat himself, and he does.)

Me: “I’m sorry, do you mean like fake wreaths that need gluing because they’re broken?”

Customer: “No, like… fixing lights on a wreath.”

Me: “Well, we’re a flower shop, so unless you need me to glue together something for you, I can’t do much for you. You could just buy new lights and re-string the wreath.”

Customer: “Re-string? How would I do that? I thought you just had to replace the lights that don’t work.”

Me: *pause* “Right. Either way you want to do it, you’d need to buy lights. Which I don’t sell… because I’m a florist and it’s also January 22nd, so… you could try [Hardware Chain] or online?”

Customer: “But I thought I’d just have to replace the lights.”

Me: “Yes… well… good luck.”

(I hung up quickly.)

Gotta Take It H2-Slowly

| Boston, MA, USA | Bizarre, Love/Romance, Popular

(I work in a flower shop. We sell cut flowers and some potted plants. Two young women approach the counter with one small potted cactus each.)

Customer #1: “We’d like these, please. Are they easy to take care of?”

Me: “Yup, they’re very easy going. Just put them in direct sunlight and water them about once a month.”

Customer #1: “Once a month?!”

Me: “That’s right. A lot of people are surprised when they hear that, but you can actually kill a cactus by overwatering it.”

(Customer #1 starts jumping around and clapping.)

Customer #2: “I told her that if she could keep a plant alive for a year, she could have a boyfriend.”

Me: “…I don’t think the point of having a boyfriend is to keep him alive.”

Needs To Wake Up And Smell The Roses

| Mexico | Crazy Requests

(A customer enters the flower shop with roses in his hands.)

Customer: “Hi. Can you make me a floral arrangement? I already bought the roses.”

Me: “Yes. It is going to cost $20.”

Customer: “Wait! Do I have to pay you?!”

Crazy Is Flowering

, | NJ, USA | Crazy Requests

(I work in a flower delivery company call center, in customer service. We take orders and send them out to local floral shops all over the country. I’m working in ‘order modification.’)

Me: “Thank you for calling. This is [My Name] speaking. Can I start by getting your name?”

Customer: “My name? Why do you need that?”

Me: “I need to identify who is calling and how to address you, but that’s okay. Can I have your recipient’s name?”

Customer:Recipipant? What’s a recipipant?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, the RECIPIENT is who is getting the flowers. May I have their name?”

Customer: “Well… I don’t know what a recipient is but the delivery getter’s name is [Recipient]. I need you to change my order. I need you to change my name to spell it the correct way.”

Me: “Ma’am, I was able to find your order by the recipient’s name. I can change your spelling of your name for you. Can you tell me the correct spelling?”

Customer: “No. I will not tell you. You have no right to ask me things this personal. You can fix it yourself. Goodbye.” *hangs up*

Supervisor: “I didn’t know you were so intrusive and psychic. How do you get all the crazies?”

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