Gotta Take It H2-Slowly

| Boston, MA, USA | Bizarre, Love/Romance, Popular

(I work in a flower shop. We sell cut flowers and some potted plants. Two young women approach the counter with one small potted cactus each.)

Customer #1: “We’d like these, please. Are they easy to take care of?”

Me: “Yup, they’re very easy going. Just put them in direct sunlight and water them about once a month.”

Customer #1: “Once a month?!”

Me: “That’s right. A lot of people are surprised when they hear that, but you can actually kill a cactus by overwatering it.”

(Customer #1 starts jumping around and clapping.)

Customer #2: “I told her that if she could keep a plant alive for a year, she could have a boyfriend.”

Me: “…I don’t think the point of having a boyfriend is to keep him alive.”

Needs To Wake Up And Smell The Roses

| Mexico | Crazy Requests

(A customer enters the flower shop with roses in his hands.)

Customer: “Hi. Can you make me a floral arrangement? I already bought the roses.”

Me: “Yes. It is going to cost $20.”

Customer: “Wait! Do I have to pay you?!”

Crazy Is Flowering

, | NJ, USA | Crazy Requests

(I work in a flower delivery company call center, in customer service. We take orders and send them out to local floral shops all over the country. I’m working in ‘order modification.’)

Me: “Thank you for calling. This is [My Name] speaking. Can I start by getting your name?”

Customer: “My name? Why do you need that?”

Me: “I need to identify who is calling and how to address you, but that’s okay. Can I have your recipient’s name?”

Customer:Recipipant? What’s a recipipant?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, the RECIPIENT is who is getting the flowers. May I have their name?”

Customer: “Well… I don’t know what a recipient is but the delivery getter’s name is [Recipient]. I need you to change my order. I need you to change my name to spell it the correct way.”

Me: “Ma’am, I was able to find your order by the recipient’s name. I can change your spelling of your name for you. Can you tell me the correct spelling?”

Customer: “No. I will not tell you. You have no right to ask me things this personal. You can fix it yourself. Goodbye.” *hangs up*

Supervisor: “I didn’t know you were so intrusive and psychic. How do you get all the crazies?”

How To Make The Customer Blossom

| Canada | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Top

(A gentleman approaches the counter; he is clearly well-off and his tone is rather arrogant and sharp.)

Customer: “You’re going to make me a bouquet for my wife, for delivery.”

Me: “Oh, wonderful! For an anniversary?”

Customer: “Yes.” *scoffs* “Give me roses.”

(The customer proceeds to waste both our time making disparaging remarks regarding our roses, and brushing me off when I state they aren’t cleaned yet. He is arrogant and rude about the delivery times, and orders me about a little more. By the end I’m answering him quite sharply and quickly; he seems to notice. We part ways amicably. A couple of days pass; the customer comes in while I’m working with my boss. He points at me.)

Customer: “You! You made up a bouquet for my wife the other day.”

Me: “Yes, sir. How did she like it?”

Customer: “Fine. I left my debit card, though.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t catch that. I’ll just get it from the office.”

(I’m now off-shift and punched out. While we wait for the supervisor to bring the card, I make small talk.)

Me: “So, she liked the flowers? How thoughtful to make sure she got flowers on her anniversary!”

(He visibly warms towards me. He receives his card.)

Customer: “I need three roses. I need your help.”

(We choose three beautiful, long-stemmed yellow roses. I wrap them up for him and put him through, and pass him the roses. He hands them back to me.)

Customer: “These are for you. The bouquet for my wife was beautiful; she loved it. Thank you for everything.”

(I beamed for the rest of the day!)

Pan-bi-a-trans-homo-heterosexual, Part 2

| Columbia, South Carolina, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “How do I get these orchids to bloom again, once the current flowers fall of? ”

Me: “If you have more than one orchid, they will cross-pollinate, or ‘mate’, with each other, and they should bloom again.”

Customer: “Mate? I should record that on my computer and put it on the internet!”

(I laugh, thinking he’s kidding. He’s not. He stares at me blankly for a moment before speaking again.)

Customer: “I’m going to pick out the hottest orchids!”


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