Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 11

, , , , | Right | May 14, 2018

(I am a female in my late twenties, and the store manager of a popular home goods store. In my time as a young manager, I have noticed that most of my difficult customers have been elderly ladies. There is a minimally-damaged shelving unit by our checkout that we use for displays, and it has been there so long it’s just a store fixture by now. One of my associates comes to the back to tell me she needs help with a regular customer who wants the shelf at a deeply discounted price.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Well, this shelf is badly damaged, but I think I can fix it. How much would you sell it for?”

Me: “We have these units new in boxes in the back; I can ring you up for one of those. We use this shelf for displays, since the unit has a small knick out of the shelf. Would you like me to get a new one?”

Customer: “No, they’re too expensive, but I can repair this one. How much?”

Me: “Well, if you insist, I can give you 10% off, but I really prefer to keep it as a display.”

Customer: “Only 10%? That top shelf would need to be replaced. Do you know what that would cost? To get a piece of wood and cut it to size, sand it, paint it, and fit it with new brackets? It would cost more than the whole unit.”

Me: “Oh, the only damage is this sliver of wood that was chipped off. It could be fixed by gluing a small piece of wood to it and a furniture pen to match the paint. Or it could be sanded down and painted.”

Customer: *gets very condescending* “Oh, no, honey. You don’t know about furniture. That shelf needs to be replaced.”

(I point out that the shelving unit is currently holding items, and I even shake it.)

Me: “It’s structurally sound. The damage is cosmetic. In any case, I’m not interested in selling this one, as we have about five new ones in the back, and this one is used for displays. Can I get you a new one? I’ll even give you 10% off.”

Customer: “No, I wanted this one only if you could discount it to what it’s worth, but it would cost too much to repair.”

Me: “So, you really think it would cost more than the regular purchase price of $99 to repair this two-inch sliver of missing wood?”

Customer: “Are you really the manager?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “That’s too bad. You really don’t know what you’re talking about. Maybe you need more training, honey.”

Me: “Wow.”

(I went to the stock room to breathe. My associate came back to tell me the rude lady left but had kept insisting the shelf was beyond repair and complaining about me. We went out to the shelving unit to make sure we weren’t missing any unseen damage and started laughing as we found an old sale tag on it for 50% off that we would have had to honor.)

Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 10
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 9
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 8

Vote By Rote

, , , , | Learning | May 8, 2018

(It’s fall of 2008. I’m a freshman in college. I’ve always been interested in politics, so I am so excited to register to vote. I even have buttons for my favorite candidate pinned on my messenger bag. There are volunteers all over the quad, trying to persuade everyone to register to vote. I’m walking to class when one approaches me. He’s wearing a t-shirt supporting the opposite candidate.)

Volunteer: “Hi! Do you have a few minutes to register to vote?”

Me: “Oh, I’m already registered. Thanks, though!”

Volunteer: “Are you sure? It’s very important!”

Me: “I told you; I’m already registered. Excuse me.”

(I step past him, and head to class. After I get out, I have to cross the quad again to get to my next class. Guess who I run into again?)

Volunteer: “Are you registered to vote?”

Me: “I talked to you earlier. Yes, I am. Please move.”

Volunteer: “But are you sure? It’s so important for our generation to vote! We can change things!”

(I pull my messenger bag with its political pins up to eye level. His eyes bug out and he gives me an evil look.)

Me: “See? Politically active and late for my next class. Now move.”

(The volunteers on the quad avoided me after that.)

Budged More Than A Few Inches

, , , , , | Romantic | May 8, 2018

(I’m at the salon getting my hair cut with my stylist who I have been going to for nearly five years. We know each other quite well and both have a similar, snarky sense of humor. The stylist at the chair to our left brings over her new client, a stunning young woman in her 20s, with beautiful, thick blonde hair down to about the bottom of her waist.)

Other Stylist: “So, what are you looking for today?”

Client: “I just want about two inches taken off.”

(She then indicates with her hand what would be between four to six inches. My stylist and I lock eyes in the mirror and try not to laugh. The stylist and client go off to the sinks.)

Me: “Her boyfriend is SOOOOO lucky!”

The Victims Of Mt. Vesuvius Didn’t Die Of The Cold!

, , , , , | Right | May 4, 2018

(My wife and I are out to dinner at a small Italian place of which we’ve grown fond. The family at the next table orders a Chicken Vesuvio pizza. If you read the menu description, it says that they use a hot pepper aioli on the pizza, giving it a nice bit of heat and justifying the reference to Mount Vesuvius. Apparently, this is lost on the man who ordered it.)

Customer: *yelling at the waiter* “Hey! This is spicy hot! I didn’t want spicy hot pizza! Why didn’t you tell me it was spicy hot?!

(My wife and I gave each other our mutual “WTF” looks and continued with our meal as the guy continued to whine and grumble.)

Has No Fs To Give After That

, , , , | Right | May 1, 2018

(We have a very odd layout in the parking lot of the hotel where I work, and I am very much aware, as the guests point this out to me constantly. This happens to me at least once a day:)

Guest: “Your parking here is absolutely horrible! Why did you build it like this?”

Me: *in my head* “I’m ever so f****** sorry. I’ll make sure to rebuild it the f*** over right a-f******-way, because I’m obviously a f****** construction worker, and that’s why I’m working the front desk at a f****** hotel, you f****** moron.”

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