(I am in my ninth-grade English class where we are learning about the epic poems “Ithaca” and “The Odyssey” both of which are the same storyline. I have just had a shocking revelation.)

Me: “It’s like Friends.”

Teacher: “What?”

Me: “The TV show Friends. Ithaca is the story of multiple heroes who have an adventure together while The Odyssey is the story of one of the original characters only. Ithaca is Friends and The Odyssey is the spinoff with only one character like the series Joey which was the spinoff of Friends.”

Teacher: *slow clap*

This story is part of our Poetry roundup!

Want to read the next story? Click here!

Want to read the roundup? Click here!

(I’m a single mother of two young children. I’m also a full-time student with a full-time job, studying at night after my kids have gone to sleep. As a result, I get about an hour of sleep per night, often passed out over a book. My coworker, who is male, works part time and takes a half-load of courses at the same university. While I have worked at this shop for several years, my coworker has worked with us for just a few months. The shop owner is a woman in her 50s.)

Coworker: “I am so, so tired. I stayed up until one o’clock writing a paper.”

Shop Owner: “You poor thing! Go in the backroom and take a nap on the clock. [My Name] will cover for you.”

([Coworker] goes into the backroom. He reappears after two hours, after his shift is over, clocks out and leaves.)

Shop Owner: *to me* “Can you believe how much schoolwork they expect [Coworker] to do? It’s ridiculous. I’m scheduling him a regular nap during his shifts or that boy’ll work himself to death.”

Me: “I’m sure he’ll make it. College isn’t forever!”

Shop Owner: “That reminds me. You took an extra five minutes for your lunch today. I’m docking your pay.”

(No one at my restaurant likes working the Sunday lunch shift, because it’s full of people who have just come from the nearby church. Most of them are total cheapskates and sometimes they’ll even get in your face about it. This Sunday, I’ve just delivered the check to a young couple.)

Male Customer: “Instead of a tip, I’m just going to give you this tract.”

(He hands me a paper and they both have huge grins on their faces as I can feel my expression turning into an obvious scowl.)

Me: “Oh, uh… thanks.”

Female Customer: “I think you’ll find everything worthwhile about religion written down there.”

(I open the paper they give me as they get up to leave, and I get two surprises. First is a $20 tip on a $30 check, even though they said they weren’t going to tip me. Second, the paper is completely blank.)

Me: “This, uh… this is a blank paper.”

Male Customer: “We’re atheists.”

(I am very young, and part of a karate dojo that has students from age 10 to about 60. Because I hate lip balm my lip will often split at the slightest provocation, causing this conversation to happen more than once:)

Older Student: *throws a punch* “Oh, my God! I’m so sorry!”

Me: “What? What’s wrong?”

Older Student: *looking pleadingly at Sensei* “I barely touched her, I swear! I’m so sorry!”

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Sensei: “Come here, [My Name].” *sighs* “Your lip is bleeding again. Go clean yourself up.”

Me: “But Sensei, I’m used to it! It doesn’t hurt. I can still fight!”

Sensei: “Yeah, and bleed all over my dojo! You can fight after you clean up. [Older Student], you did nothing wrong.”

Older Student: *still distraught* “She’s just so TINY, and she was bleeding, and…”

(I work at a Japanese restaurant and yes, I am Asian. There is a family of four sitting at a table.)

Me: “Good evening, everyone. Can I start you guys off with anything?”

Customer: “Where are you from?”

Me: “I am from Taiwan.”

Customer: “Oh, wow! My son is taking Japanese in school. Do you speak Japanese?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry.”

Customer: “That’s a shame. Can I have a California Roll?”

This story is part of our “Where are you from?” roundup!

Read the next “Where are you from?” roundup story!

Read the “Where are you from?” roundup!