Trash Talking Long Distance

, , , , , | Right | August 8, 2017

(My family and I are on vacation. We also own a garbage company.)

Me: “Hey, mom, your phone is ringing.”

Mom: *picks up phone* “Hello, this is [Mom].”

Customer: “Why the h*** didn’t you pick up my garbage?”

Mom: “I’m sorry, we are on vacation and have someone different driving. He may just be running late.”

Customer: “I don’t care what’s happening. Get my garbage picked up right now, b****!”

Mom: “I’m sorry, but I can’t help you because I’m 1000 miles away.”

Customer: “Come get my f******* trash!”

(This continues for about 30 minutes.)

Customer: “Listen, if you don’t come get my trash right now I’m going to quit with your service.”

Mom: “Fine, we don’t need a customer like you anyway. Thanks for ruining my f****** vacation.” *hangs up*

An Overflow Of Shutting Up

, , , | Related | August 4, 2017

(I am around 13 years old. It’s important to note that my dad does not have any sisters, or female cousins. Effectively, I am the first female he has been in close proximity to during puberty.)

Dad: “[My Name], get ready. We are going to go to the beach.”

Me: “Do I have to? Can’t I just stay home?”

Dad: “No, we’re all going.”

Me: “Okay. I’m not going to go into the water today, though.”

Dad: *now beginning to get annoyed* “Why not? Just put on your bathing suit! You love going to the beach! Why don’t you want to go now?”

Me: *embarrassed and uncomfortable* “Because I’m on my period!”

(To date, I have never seen my dad stop talking and walk away so quickly. About 10 minutes later, my mom came up to me almost in tears because she was laughing so hard. She said she had never seen my dad speechless in all the years they had been together. After that incident, my dad has referred to all periods as “sharks.”)

Flipping Your Mood

, , , , | Hopeless | August 1, 2017

(I’m very bored as I have been assigned fitting room duty and it is a slow day. A middle-aged man approaches me with little girl flip-flops.)

Man: “Can I try these in the change room.”

(Before I can reply he bursts out laughing.)

Man: “I’m sorry you should’ve seen your face!”

Me: “What?”

Man: “You looked bored so I thought I’d come over here and do that.”

Me: “Oh… thank you!”

(His thoughtfulness made me smile the rest of the day.)

Panting For Breath

, , , , , | Friendly | July 27, 2017

(My 14-month-old daughter has a thing about pants and shorts: she doesn’t like them and will take them off every time I put them on her. I am in the grocery store picking up some last minute groceries after picking up her up from her grandmother’s. Once again, she refuses to wear the shorts I had on her originally. Knowing that the errand will be relatively quick, I don’t fight it and take her in the grocery store with just her shirt and her diaper on. The heat index at this time is close to 110 F (43.33 C), so most people are getting sweaty just walking from their cars into the store, us being no exception. I’m patiently waiting in line when an elderly woman joins behind me, followed by her teenage grandson playing on his phone. I’m getting ready to pay when I hear this gem.)

Woman: “You should seriously put some pants on that child. It’s rather indecent of you to allow her to go out in public like that.”

Me: “Are you seriously offended by the fact that my daughter’s diaper is exposed?”

(She’s about to reply when her grandson interjects, not breaking his gaze from the phone.)

Grandson: “Nana, in case you haven’t noticed, it’s stupid hot outside. If I didn’t have to wear pants in this weather, I certainly wouldn’t. Let the baby live it up while she still can.”

(The cashier and I chuckled while the woman just turned red and kept quiet the rest of the transaction.)

Colorful Language

, , , , | Related | July 18, 2017

(I work at a store that has a little table at the front with toys and coloring books for kids to play with while their parents take care of business. A woman comes in one day with a little boy who can’t be any more than about four years old, who sits quietly coloring the entire time his mother is at the counter. The mother finishes up and the following conversation happens.)

Mother: “Okay, I’m all done! Time to put the coloring book away, honey.”

Child: “No, I’m still coloring.”

Mother: “You can color at home, baby.”

Child: “No. I don’t have a sketchbook at home.”

Mother: “It’s okay, sweetie, we’ll buy you a new sketchbook at another store.”

Child: “NO! I need… this notebook for my new sketchbook.” *he points to a small and so very overpriced notebook that we sell*

Mother: “No, baby, you don’t need that one. I promise we’ll get you a notebook at a different store. A bigger one! Is that okay?”

Child: “No! You’re being a God-d***ed b****!”

(The mother didn’t even react; it was like she heard that language from him on a daily basis. She grabbed his hand and they left the store without another word.)

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