This was during the global health crisis. I was (and still am) living with my grandparents, and due to life difficulties that are outside the scope of this story, dependent on them. I had come out to them as nonbinary a year before, and though it confused them, it was never in a way they refused to accept.

No better was this shown than during this story.

I’m a walking bane to chargers and earbuds and am regularly forced to ask my grandparents to buy me more. I don’t know why; I’m not even rough with them! But anyway, after I asked for one, I popped into their Amazon account just to see how long it would take to arrive.

What I saw in addition was a mask. It was not just any mask; it had “THEY/THEM” emblazoned proudly on the front, in the colors of the nonbinary flag.

I hadn’t asked for it. They had meant to surprise me with this.

I broke the news that I’d found out when I got it, and they were a little disappointed, but I wore it everywhere while masks were still necessary.

If you take any moral away from this story, it’s that anyone can be accepting of identities — even grandparents who are over seventy years old.

I work at a world-famous theme park on a ride that has cruises on a jungle river — almost a jungle cruise, if you will.

Customers are waiting in line, and it’s started to rain a little.

Guest: “Excuse me. I know you try to add all these jungle effects and stuff, but I’m getting wet.”

Me: “If you stand under the canopy over here, you can stay dry and still be in line.”

Guest: “Can’t you just turn off the rain?”

Me: “Uh… no, I can’t do that. That’s not one of our special effects.”

Guest: “Oh… what is it, then?”

Me: “It’s… just rain.”

Guest: “Ugh! With the amount it costs to get in here, you should be able to stop us from getting wet.”

Me: “You’re saying we should be able to control the weather?”

Guest: “For $150 per person, you should!”

Caller: “My computer is saying, ‘Can’t find the printer’!”

Me: “Okay, sounds like it might be—”

Caller: “I dun tried everythin’! I even turned the monitor to face it and yelled, ‘LOOKIE!’“ 

I managed to help her out… after I had stopped laughing.

I have a friend who works in a large retail store, so, through them, I am familiar with a few of the employees. It is a few days after Black Friday, and I am checking out.

Employee #1: “Oh, hey, [My Name]! How’ve you been?”

Me: “I’m okay, but I should be asking you! I see you’ve survived the last few days!”

Employee #1: *Face darkening* “Yeah… despite… the incident.”

Me: “Oh? What happened?

Another employee is walking past.

Employee #2: “Are you talking about… the incident?“

Employee #1: *Looking sad* “Yeah…”

[Employee #2] stops their gait and approaches us with a misty look in their eyes.

Employee #2: “Yeah… that was… a lot.”

Me: “What happened?!”

The employees start telling their tale, taking turns. The atmosphere changes to something similar to a campfire story.

Employee #1: “Our pharmacy was open on Black Friday but wasn’t part of the sales, so we had a few customers just collecting their regular prescriptions along with their sales shopping.”

Employee #2: “We had a woman who thought she might be able to get a discount on her meds which, of course, she couldn’t. She got very upset and started screaming and cussing, and then…”

The pause is tantalizingly long.

Me: “What happened?!”

Employee #1: “Well, apparently, her medication was for a couple of sexually transmitted diseases…”

Employee #2: “That she had all at once…”

Employee #1: “She was so upset that we couldn’t give her a discount that she… kinda… showed us her symptoms.”

Me: “She… what?!“

Employee #2: “She exposed herself… and a lot of us got a good look as to what Chlamydia and Gonorrhoea look like at the same time.”

Me: “Oh, my God!”

At this point, a third employee is passing by.

Employee #3: “Y’all discussing… the incident?“

Employee #2: “We are.”

Employee #3: “Yeah, it was crazy when she started rubbing her parts all over the counter.”

Me: “Wait… what?!“

Employee #1: “Oh, yeah, the story wasn’t done.”

Employee #2: “We had to call the police, and she got escorted out. We then spent hours disinfecting everything!“

Employee #3: “Just like we had to do last year with Farmer Chicken-Blood!“

Employee #1: “Or before the lockdowns, with the Herpes Harpy!“

Me: “Wait, these are all real people?”

Employee #1: “Yeah, didn’t [Friend] tell you about any of these?”

Me: “He most certainly did not!”

Employee #3: “Figures… Some of them were a bit traumatizing, like the Terror Triplets who all had BB guns and targeted the milk, and then, when our manager confronted them, they targeted his kneecaps.”

Employee #2: “Yeah, that was another crazy police day. No wonder they always have a unit circling nearby these days.”

Employee #1: “Like with the Mask-Rumbling of ’21.”

Employee #2: “Or the Great Mayonnaise Spill of ’22.”

Employee #3: *Solemnly.* “Yes… we lost a lot of good people that day.”

They all look to the ground, faces devoid of joy and hope. One of them pats the other on the back.

Employee #1: *Immediately smiling that “customer service” smile, sounding terrifyingly upbeat* “Thanks for shopping at [Store] today! Please do come again!”

The transition was so jarring that I had totally forgotten where I was for a moment! I asked my friend about it later, and they weren’t entirely joking; apparently, a lot of people did quit during the mayonnaise spill! I asked him for details, and he just… stared into nothing for a moment and then changed the subject.

Never have I ever been so happy that I have never worked retail!

Related:
Some “Incidents” End With Laughs. Some.
Every Store Has Its “Incident”

I worked at a retirement community. Some of our “guests” had no problem yelling, cursing, and personally insulting anyone involved in their dining experience.

One major repeat offender was an elderly couple who visited the restaurant weekly. The man would order a rare hamburger. I have no clue what the wife ate because she never spoke or complained; the man, on the other hand, did enough complaining for both.

Customer: “The burger is cold!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you did order it rare—”

Customer: “What kind of idiots do you have back there in the kitchen?! Or is it you that’s the problem, taking too long to get the food out to us?!”

I knew there was no resolving this since a rare hamburger equals raw ground beef, along with cold lettuce and cold tomato slices. This would always have the same outcome; it would always be COLD. I tried explaining that, but he always insisted:

Customer: “No! Last time, it was a hot rare burger!” 

Usually, I was left with no choice but to take the burger off the bill and apologize.

The next time, I decided to be proactive. I went to his table and warned him up front.

Me: “Sir, if you’re going to order the rare burger, it will be cold, and if you have an issue with that, order something else. Furthermore, if you do indeed order the burger, you will have to pay for it no matter the outcome.” 

He ordered the half rack of ribs, received it, ate it, and loved it. Problem table resolved!