Pot Calling (and Calling, and Calling) The Kettle Black

, , , | Right | March 19, 2010

(Note: this phone call took place back when dial-up Internet was more popular.)

Me: “Good afternoon. How may I help you?”

Customer: “This stupid modem doesn’t work.”

Me: “I’m sorry. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “It doesn’t work! It’s stupid!”

Me: “Well, to fix it I need to know how it isn’t working. Is it turned on now?”

Customer: “How should I know if the stupid thing is on or not?”

Me: “Well, there’s an on/off switch on top, and a power light. Is the switch on and the light green?”

Customer: “Look, I don’t have time for all these stupid questions. I can just show you what it’s doing.”

Me: “You can show me how the modem isn’t working?”

Customer: “Yeah… listen!”

(Suddenly, there is the loud scream of a modem in my ear. After a moment the call disconnects. The customer calls back a minute later.)

Customer: “There! See what the stupid thing did?”

Me: “Yes, sir, you told the modem to dial while we were already talking on the line. It screamed in my ear and disconnected.”

Customer: “You see! This stupid thing does this every time I try to use it while I’m on the phone!”

Me: “Sir, you can’t use modem on the same line where you are already making a phone call.”

Customer: “What? I can’t have my phone line tied up every time I want to send a file! That’s stupid! This thing is a piece of sh*t!”

Me: “Sir, are you able to make a new telephone call when you are already talking on that line without hanging up on the first person or putting them on hold?”

Customer: “Of course not! Why would you even ask something stupid like that?”

Me: “Well, your modem can’t do so either.”

Customer: “That’s stupid!” *hangs up*

1 Thumbs
2,603

Definitely Not To Be

, , , , | Right | March 12, 2010

Customer: “Hello, do you happen to have a copy of Hamlet?”

Me: “Yes, we do. Let me show you to it.”

Customer: “Well, actually, do you have an audio version of it?”

Me: “Hmm, maybe. Let me look it up.”

Customer: “Okay, but can you make sure it’s one read by the author?”


This story is included in our impossible requests roundup!

Want to read the next story? Click here!

Want to read the roundup? Click here!

1 Thumbs
3,000

Branded As Stupid

, , | Right | March 5, 2010

Customer: “There is a brand that they sell only in Europe. Do you have that brand?”

Me: “It’s a shoe brand?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “And they sell it only in Europe?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Do you know where you are?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we just don’t have that brand.”

1 Thumbs
2,631

You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3

, , , , | Right | February 21, 2010

Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Can I speak to the butcher department, please?”

Me: “The butcher department?”

Customer: “Yeah, I decided I don’t want the big turkey anymore.”

Me: “Uh, ma’am, this is the city morgue.”

1 Thumbs
3,523

Spiritual, Not Psychic

, , , | Right | February 5, 2010

Customer: “I would like help finding a book.”

Me: “Sure, what’s the title?”

Customer: “Well, I don’t know.”

Me: “Okay, who is the author?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Okay, can you tell me the subject and maybe we can still find it.”

Customer: “It’s for a friend. It’s about spiritual something.”

(I search ‘spiritual’ just to see what happens.)

Me: “Okay, my computer is showing over 6,000 results. Is there any way we can narrow the search?”

Customer: “Isn’t that your job?”

1 Thumbs
2,460