(I am a customer service manager — basically the first person called for a customer complaint — answering a call at a register.)

Me: “Hi there. How—”

Customer: “This woman won’t use my coupons!”

Cashier: “She doesn’t have them.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “I understand the frustration, but you can bring them in tomorrow for a refund at customer service.”

Customer: “So, you’ll give me my money back?”

Me: “Per store policy, if you come back within 24 hours of your transaction with your forgotten coupons and the receipt, the customer service desk can give you the value of your coupons.”

Customer: “And the gas I’ll waste driving all the way back here? I live in [Town ten minutes away]!”

Me: “If you’d like, I can take your information and pass it on to upper management to contact you.”

Customer: “Why can’t you just give me the discounts? This is ridiculous!”

Me: *getting irritated* “Because we have nothing to scan, nothing to enter, no way to balance the drawer. You are welcome to come back tomorrow or I can relay your information—”

Customer: “No! Give me one good reason you can’t honor my coupons. Now!”

Me: *fed up* “Because honoring your coupons when you don’t have them would be the same idea as charging you for items you didn’t buy.”

Customer: “That’s a scam! You can’t charge me for things I didn’t buy! You are a disrespectful, ignorant, ugly b****! I will never come back here!”

(The woman storms off, shoving me sideways into a display on her way out the door.)

Cashier: “See you next time, ma’am!” *smiles and waves*

(I work in a deli that’s close to a very famous theme park.)

New Hire: “So, we don’t make sandwiches when customers order them?”

Coworker: “Nope. We only have premade subs.”

New Hire: “Why?”

Coworker: “We used to make them to order, but they didn’t sell. We were losing money keeping the sandwich station open.”

New Hire: “No way. Really?”

Coworker: “Our customers have spoken. They don’t want quality meals made by skilled food preparation experts; they want something fast and simple and cheap and sh**ty that they can sneak through [Company] security by cramming it up their butts.”

(A woman walks into my line and puts a big 18-pack of soda on my belt with a coupon attached that’s sometimes hard to remove.)

Me: “Hi. How are you?”

(She’s attempting to remove the coupon and she tears it.)

Me: *trying to make a joke* “That’s why y’all don’t normally take those things off. They’re so difficult.”

Customer: “Excuse me?! I’ll remove it if I want to! Don’t worry; I’ll go to another line!”

Me: “It was a joke…”

(She left and went to another register, and she got that cashier to get one of the managers. She loudly complains to them, pointing at me and such. My manager never brought it up to me.)

(A customer receives a 75-cent [Brand] bread coupon after checkout.)

Customer: *staring at said coupon* “What’s this coupon for?”

Me: “Bread.”

Customer: “Is that food?”

Me: “It’s bread. So, yes, it’s food.”

Customer: “Where can I find that?”

Me: “The bread aisle.”

Customer: “Where’s that?”

Me: “Aisle five.”

(She left, still staring at her coupon.)

(Saturday evening, my friends and I get together over a chat service to watch a movie. While we’re waiting for everyone to get online, we start chatting about my recent job hunt.)

Me: “[Fiance] was nice enough to wake me up at eight this morning for my interview.”

Friend: “Aww, that’s so sweet. How’d it go?”

Me: “I don’t know. My interview is on Monday.”