You’re Always The Cream Of The Crop When You Have ALL The Cream

, , , , , | Right | February 18, 2019

(I am working for a well-known coffee chain. A woman comes in to place her order.)

Woman: “Can I get a skinny cinnamon iced latte? Please make sure you use fat-free milk and sugar-free syrup. I have to watch my sugar intake.”

(I make her order exactly as she asked for. She takes a sip and makes a funny face.)

Woman: “Umm, this doesn’t taste sugary enough. I’ll just fix it myself.”

(I watched as she walked over to where we keep cream and sugar for people who order plain coffee. She dumped out most of her drink and refilled it with about half a canister of half-and-half and about ten packets of sugar.)

Children’s Minds Are Like Sponges… Often Dead

, , , , , , , | Learning | November 22, 2018

(A student offers to clean the board for the teacher, who gives her a sponge to wipe it down.)

Teacher: *handing her the sponge* “That sponge is real; it was made from a live sponge.”

Student: *shrieking* “It’s ALIVE?!” *throws the sponge on the floor*

Teacher: “No, it’s not alive!” *student picks up sponge* “It used to be.”

Student: *shrieking* “IT’S DEAD?!” *throws the sponge back on the floor*

Chocolate Cures All

, , , | | Hopeless | May 24, 2018

(A customer approaches and asks for the tax-free service we do to non-EU customers. He’s very happy and nice, and he makes jokes and laughs all the time. The transaction is almost done when he asks:)

Customer: “You both look tired! How long have you been there?”

Colleague: “She’s here since 3:00 pm; I’m here since 11:00 am.”

Customer: “NO WAY! Is that why you’re drinking hot chocolate?”

Me: “Yes! And tomorrow I get her shift, and I’m going to stay here from 11:00 am to 7:00 pm.”

Customer: “OH! You get the bad shift tomorrow! I’ll be back, then!”

Me: *joking* “Then bring chocolate!”

Customer: “Sure! See you tomorrow”

(The customer doesn’t come back, and I forget about him. A few days later, in the same location…)

Customer: “Here you are! We’ve been looking for you for two days; we came with chocolate, but you weren’t there! What time do you close?”

Me: “8:30 pm.”

Customer: “I’ll be back before you close!”

(He actually came back with a chocolate pastry, hugged me, and said goodbye! He was one of the most pleasant customers I’ve ever had! Thank you, happy guy!)


, , , | Right | April 26, 2018

(Two men come to my till and start negotiating the price for 1000 USD converted into Euro. They negotiate A LOT, and they try to be funny and flatter me, but the only result is that they look like douchebags that want to convince me to make a better price. I stand firm on a minimum amount that I know I’m allowed to make to guarantee the company a little income from the transaction.)

Me: “It’s 873€.”

Customer: “Okay. Let me take the money.”

(They talk to each other in their language, laughing.)

Customer: “You said 923€, right?”

Me: “No, sir, I said 873€.”

Customer: “Come on; do 875€!”

Me: “No, sir. I’m sorry. But if you want to change here, right now, this is the price I can offer. It’s already very discounted, and I can’t give you one euro more.”

Customer: “Ugh, it’s just 2€ difference.” *then he says in a VERY cheesy way* “Are all Italian women this hard?”

Me: *showing off my wedding band and without skipping a beat* “Yes. Especially those who are married.”

Customer: “Uh… That was a good one.”

(They got their money and took off.)

Take Me To Church(es)

, , , , | Right | April 13, 2018

(Italy is famous for its churches. You can find a church in every square, in old towns there’s almost one in every street, and all of them are famous for something — paintings, statues, tombs, etc. Two girls come into my office and ask me:)

Girls: “Where is the church?”

Me: “Um… Which one are you looking for?”

Girls: “The famous one.”

Me: “We have one in front of us, one next to us, and one at the end of the street; choose one!”

Girls: “Okay, thank you!”

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