Aging Of Innocence

, , , , | Right Romantic | September 8, 2018

(I’m cashiering in the early morning. An older man comes through my line and as usual I try to be friendly, polite, and provide the best service I can.)

Customer: *after I’ve finished scanning and bagging about all his things* “You know you’re a real sweetheart, and do a great job!”

Me: *smiling, as the compliment seems genuine and kind* “Thank you, sir, your total is [total]. Would you like help out to your car today?”

(He declines, pays, and I hand over his change.)

Customer: *as I hand over his bags* “If I was sixty years younger, I’d try to kiss you!”

(I’m quite shocked at this. Yes, I am a young woman in college, but I’ve never had something like this happen.)

Me: *giving a little fake chuckle* “Have a great morning, sir.”

(He laughed and walked away. I stood at my register still in slight shock. I’d heard about stuff like this happening but I honestly felt really flustered and embarrassed. In all honestly, though, I’m sure the customer didn’t mean to offend me and was just trying to be sweet.)

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A Date To Remember

, , , , | Romantic | September 7, 2018

(My mum and I are walking up to a market stall to buy coffees. There is an older man working at the counter. He turns to face my mum and says the following:)

Man: “Would you like me to date you?”

Mum: *turns red* “Um… What?”

Man: “Date? Yes?”

(At this point, the man holds up a pair of tongs with a dried date between them.)

Mum: *with a look of relief* “Oh! Yes, please.”

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Didn’t Exceed The Cute Limit

, , , , | Legal | August 28, 2018

(My parents and I just dropped my brother off at college after a weekend and are on our way back home. There’s a road heading out of the college town that has a notoriously low speed limit, despite being very easy to drive; basically, it’s a trap to try to get some extra cash from tickets. We’re fully aware of this, but we’re having a conversation and my dad gets distracted, missing when we cross into this area, and speeding. Sure enough, a cop pulls us over. My mom runs a business from home where she cuts vinyl and has her logo, which includes her name, in vinyl on the back of the car. The very young, male cop saunters up to the window and says flirtatiously as he leans in:)

Cop: “So, who’s [Mom]?”

(Right after he says this, he sees my forty-something-year-old parents and takes a few steps back. I’m trying not to lose it in the back seat. My mom grins.)

Mom: “That would be me.”

Cop: “Oh, that’s… nice. So, uh, you know why I pulled you over?”

(We didn’t get a ticket, probably because he was so embarrassed. We agreed he was expecting to see a car full of cute college girls and was hoping to pick one up.)

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Flirty Percent Off!

, , , , | Right | July 3, 2018

(I work in the drive-thru, and at our restaurant, we give discounts to the employees of the hardware store we’re located in front of. Unfortunately, we don’t give them out through the drive-thru, only inside. I’m female, and the customer who just pulled up to my window is also female.)

Customer: “Oh, and I have my employee ID for the discount.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t give the discount for orders in the drive-thru, only inside.”

Customer: “I’d have to come inside? Why can’t you just give it to me? Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, it’s only for the inside, but I’ll ask a manager for you to make sure.”

(I call over my — male — manager by his name and ask him. He tells me what I already know and walks away.)

Me: “Yeah, he said I can’t give it to you.”

Customer: *begins shouting my manager’s name* “[MANAGER]! HEY, [MANAGER]! That’s his name, right? Can you go get him?”

(I get him, and he goes over to talk to the customer. I can’t hear their conversation, but I can see it. My coworker walks over to me and watches, too.)

Coworker: “Why is she tilting her head like that?”

Me: “She thinks she can flirt her way into getting a discount.”

Coworker: *bursts out laughing and walks away*

(Their conversation ends, and my manager leaves without saying anything. I walk over to the window and the customer looks very dejected. I look at the order screen and see that no discount was given.)

Me: “Okay! That’ll be [price].”

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No Need To Be Mooby About It

, , , , | Romantic | April 16, 2018

(I’m in a bar during my first week of university and have sat down by the dance floor to rest for a minute. A student I vaguely recognise from my halls comes and sits next to me. I am female.)

Guy: “Hey, how about I buy you a drink, and then we can get out of here?”

Me: “Ah, I’m really sorry. I’m a lesbian.”

(This is true.)

Guy: *thinks for a minute* “I have moobs?”

(I immediately twigged that he wasn’t serious, and he’s been one of my best friends for the last seven years. I was even his best woman when he got married.)

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