The Sauce Of All Your Woes

, , , , | Right | February 19, 2019

(I work at a pretzel store in a mall. We have tiny pretzel stick things that we sell in a cup. Our sauces are extra. We offer a discount to mall employees. One gentleman, wearing a uniform from a mall store, orders a cup of pretzels without sauce. He pays, gets his discount, and as I am filling his cup, he asks for three sauces.)

Me: “Okay, but that’s an extra for each sauce. Is that okay?”

Customer:What?! I have never paid for sauce here!”

Me: “Okay, well, let me ask my manager if I can give it to you.”

(My manager is standing five feet away and watching this whole exchange.)

Customer: “Ugh, never mind. Just give me two and I’ll pay for them.”

(He gets his food and sauces, pays, and starts to leave. Then, he turns back and asks:)

Customer: “What’s your name?”

Me: “[My Name].”

Customer: “I’m calling your corporate and reporting this.”

(My manager pulled me aside and said, “I kind of hope he does report you. ‘Yeah, hi, I went to one of your locations and your employee wouldn’t give me free food.'”)

The Police Like To Check In Regularly

, , , , , , , | Legal | December 3, 2018

(I am a cashier on a busy Saturday. A woman approaches my till and begins placing numerous items on the belt. I scan them, and the total is well over $200.)

Customer: “I would like to pay with a check.”

Me: “No problem. Can I please see you ID?”

Customer: “Oh, it is stuck in my wallet and really hard to get out.”

Me: “I understand.” *though I think it’s strange* “Can you write your ID number on the top of the check?”

(The woman begins to fill out her check and write the ID number for me as I scan the last of her items. Suddenly, I feel someone staring at me intently. I look up slowly, and standing directly behind the woman is a police officer. He holds his finger to his lips to keep me silent and motions for me to continue with the transaction.)

Me: “Okay.” *trying to act normal* “Your total is [over $200].”

(As the woman hands me the check, [Police Officer #1] grabs her and immediately handcuffs her. I stand absolutely still, having no idea what on earth is happening. Then I hear yelling from the left and see [Police Officer #2] coming up with a gun drawn!)

Police Officer #2: *to a man a few customers down in my line* “Down on the ground! Now!”

Police Officer #1: *to me* “Ma’am, please finish ringing up these items, close your line, and give me the receipt.”

(I immediately did so, turned off my light, and motioned for the manager to come over. I explained the situation as best I could and everyone dissipated from my line. The police officer returned to get my information and a brief statement. He then shared with me that this woman and her boyfriend had just used a fraudulent check at the department store next door and were planning on doing the same here. She and her accomplice were arrested, and for the next hour or so, every customer stood in my line to hear all about the scary arrest. Bonus points to me: despite the activity, my till was perfect. I got a cookie!)

Getting Colder From The Truth

, , , , , | Learning | June 27, 2017

(This college is located at the base of a mountain. It even has a ski run on it. If you drive two hours south you are in Phoenix which is at a much lower elevation. The fellow student in this story is from San Diego and two years older than I am. I am a sophomore. It is mid-Autumn, and before smart phones.)

Me: “Brrr, it is cold; I am so tired of this wind. We should take a trip to Phoenix and warm up!”

Guy: “If you are cold why don’t you go to the top of the mountain and warm up there?”

Me: *confused* “You mean take a hike? I guess. I don’t really want to hike, though, and it would still be cold.”

Guy: “No, the top of the mountain is warmer because it is closer to the sun. If you drive to Phoenix you are going further away from it and it will just get colder.”

Me: “What? No, that isn’t how it works; you’re kidding, right? I mean, you do know it snows on top of mountains and stuff?”

Guy: “Well, yeah, but just because there is snow doesn’t mean it’s colder in top of the mountain.”

Me: “Okaaayyy, you do know about the equator and the tilt of the earth right? And atmosphere?”

Guy: “Duh, I had real science. I wasn’t home-schooled like you.”

Me: “…really? I’m not the one who thinks that a 12,000 foot mountain top is warmer than a city that’s barely a thousand feet above sea level because it’s ‘closer to the sun”!”

(The argument continued for a while. He never believed me.)