I work as a train conductor for [Company] in Finland. My job includes making sure there are no disturbances on the train, as well as keeping an eye on everyone having tickets. I am usually pretty lenient on this if you have a good reason or a funny enough excuse. Hey, sometimes life kicks you in the head and you really, really have to be somewhere.

I am doing ticket rounds on a late-evening train. Out of the corner of my eye, I see two teenagers, maybe fifteen or sixteen, switch seats. That’s okay, and I think no more of that… until a few minutes later when I come to their compartment in order to check their tickets and hear their particular excuse. There are six teenagers in total. Every single one of them is pretending to be asleep. People try this every now and then, but this is the first time I’ve seen someone try it after making eye contact.

I just kind of chuckle and say, “Nice try,” loud enough for the rest of the compartment to hear. The teenagers feign ignorance and say they were trying to catch a bit of sleep. I also notice that they’re carrying alcohol with them. They’re off to a bad start. I ask for the tickets. This is when I hear a myriad of excuses.

[Friend]’s mom has the tickets. Nobody has a working phone on them. When they get the battery charged, [Friend]’s mom doesn’t care and hangs up. They actually went the wrong way first.

You get the point by now.

They finally drop the act and start pleading for a free ride. They even try to bribe me with 10€, to which I reply:

Me: “The next time you try to bribe someone, here’s a little heads-up: don’t do it in front of a dozen witnesses.”

The other passengers are having a blast so far.

In a last-ditch effort, the teenagers bring up the fact that they are, in fact, underage and I am technically in charge of keeping them safe. Here’s the thing: I have to be really careful now because, the law being what it is, I could be held accountable if I drop them off somewhere without supervision and something happens to them.

Here comes the malicious compliance. I finally “relent”.

Me: “I’ll let you go as far as the next station where you can still buy tickets with that bit of cash you have.”

Then, I leave and continue to do my job. Now, as I have to keep them safe, I am naturally worried about underage drinking on their part, as well. That stuff rots the brain and hinders the development of these beautiful young children! So, I arrange for security and police to meet them at the next station.

As they jump off the train, I hear one of the teenagers say:

Teenager: “Man, we really managed to bulls*** that one!”

Naturally, I directed the impressive amount of nothing-better-to-do-right-now security and police officers to the teenagers. I’ve never seen anyone get as pure of an “Oh, s***!” expression as those kids right then.

Their drinks were confiscated and destroyed, and each of them was shipped home to have a meeting with their guardians, the police, and possibly even Child Protective Services if this was a recurring problem. Fines could be slapped, as well.

Moral(s) of the story: Be honest. And under no circumstance tell me to keep you safe, because I will keep you safe.

My infant daughter has several food allergies, so we are trying foods out very slowly. For the past two months, we haven’t been able to find a single definitely suitable food, so currently she only has eight solid foods in her diet. This obviously stresses me out as she approaches the one-year mark, and some of her allergies are so bad that I can’t have those foods either while breastfeeding.

I’m visiting my relatives in my old hometown, and the visit starts on shaky footing when my mum first wants to serve me breaded fish (can’t have wheat) and then cream stewed fish (can’t have dairy). I end up cooking the fish myself, which I’m perfectly happy to do.

As we’re getting ready to eat, my daughter is happily sitting in her high chair with her food while I’m getting myself a plate. When I turn around, I notice that my cousin has given her a piece of lettuce from the salad bowl. Instead of getting angry like I should, my brain kind of freezes, unable to process the situation. Eventually, I take the piece of lettuce from my daughter — luckily, she has only eaten a tiny piece — before addressing my cousin.

Me: “Please don’t give her more lettuce.”

Cousin: *Huffily* “Well, of course not!”

Me: “It’s just that, even if lettuce was okay, there are tomatoes and cucumber in there, too, and we haven’t tried those yet.”

Cousin: “Oh, come on. No one is allergic to cucumber! It’s mostly water!”

Me: “Actually, you can be allergic to cucumber, and since she’s allergic to bananas, she’s very likely allergic to cucumber, too, since they have crossed allergens.”

Later on, when insistently being offered sweets with coffee, I explained that I couldn’t have any since there’s wheat and dairy in them, and my cousin blew a raspberry and rolled her eyes.

At least now I know who DEFINITELY won’t be babysitting my daughter, ever. The worst part is that she knows very well how allergic my daughter is. She knows all about the first two months of non-stop screaming and crying, day and night, that my daughter did before we figured out she had allergies. She knows about the terrible rashes that still sometimes break out, the gastrointestinal pain, the diarrhoea, the constipation, and the acid reflux, and she STILL behaves like this.

I am in training for a job at a factory located inside a complex that has everything needed for turning pruned tree trunks into finished products, ranging from pallets to prefabricated construction elements, including facilities where the lumber is dried before it is turned into planks, etc. With vast amounts of dry wood and fine sawdust everywhere, we have already spotted a number of ways one could die there when a fellow trainee mentions how his friends told him that two people would die between our starting and finishing our on-the-job -training. (He also identified the cause of death, which I didn’t catch, but it isn’t important for this story.) Pretty sure he and/or his friends were joking, I jokingly said:

Me: “So, one more way to die on the job. You can lop off a leg with a chainsaw, get run over by a forklift, get an artery sliced open by the prongs of a forklift, or have a ton of pallets fall on you, or some dumba** may burn down the entire factory by lighting a cigarette in the wrong place.”

Fellow Trainee: “Didn’t the manager say that it’s an immediate sacking if you are caught smoking on the complex grounds?”

Me: “Duh, why do you think that policy exists?”

I will answer that one myself: dust explosion.

I work as a janitor in a shopping mall. It’s a decent enough job, and every now and again, people passing by really make my day — though most often it tends to be kids. One of my favourite moments was when I was using a floor scrubber machine, one of those big ones you sit on. A kid, probably five or so, walked up to me with a deadly serious expression on their face and proceeded to drop the best icebreaker ever.

Kid: *Pointing at the floor scrubber* “Could you get away from the cops with that?”

Me: *Stifling laughter* “No, not quite. It doesn’t move very fast.”

Kid: *Nodding, still looking very serious* “Uh-huh. So, don’t get caught if you do something bad, then.”

Me: “I’ll just try to not break the law at work.”

Kid: *Flashing me a smile* “Good. Okay, bye now!”

And off they went, running to their mom. Made my day.

We are a small team with only one supervisor. The rules are very vague regarding what we should do if a supervisor is away (meeting or sick) when a customer demands to talk with one. Therefore, we usually just make a temporary supervisor on the spot one is needed.

A customer calls because they have gotten two payment reminders with an extra fee on both on top of their invoice for the order. The payment is about one month late. They are speaking to a coworker.

Caller: “I want you to take both fees off.”

Coworker: “I can only offer to take one off, if you can pay right away.”

The customer isn’t happy and after some arguing asks to talk with a supervisor. One of our slightly older and “I don’t care” coworkers takes the call.

Older Coworker: “I will not waive the fees, and you should pay both.”

Caller: “I want to talk to the first person again. She could waive one of the fees.”

Our pretend supervisor then answers:

Older Coworker: “Yes, but you asked to talk with a supervisor, and I’m not allowing those fees to be waived.”

It might be petty, but both of them agreed that it felt good to throw this back at the customer after that long call.