How About You Hippo-Not-amus?

I used to work at an investment brokerage, taking calls from clients.

Me: “Can I take some security details from you, please?”

Caller: “The usual, I suppose? My full name is [Name], I was born on [Date Of Birth], and it’s Hippopotamus1234.

Me: “I’m sorry, what was that last thing?”

Caller: “Hippopotamus1234. My password.”

Me: “Sir, you shouldn’t tell anyone your password, even me!”

Caller: “It’s fine! It’s really hard to spell. I use it for everything!”

Me: “Sir, you have over a million dollars in assets with our firm. I have access to your email address and just about all of your other identifying information. I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that, but you have to change your password right now.”

Caller: “Ugh, it took so long to come up with hippopotamus. Could you suggest a good one for me?”

No self-preservation, these people, I swear.