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We’d Ask How She Found You, But It’s Nun Of Our Business

, , , , | Friendly | March 5, 2024

The biggest employer in our town organizes a huge festival once a year. One of my favourite parts is the raffle. Local businesses put up the prizes, so you can win anything from pencils and candles to sports clothes and housewares. 

There is always a long line to collect your prizes, and you usually chat with people next to you in line — mostly about the prizes, which you can see laid out on tables.

One year, I had a lovely conversation with a tiny old nun. One of the prizes was a nice big mug, and I said something like:

Me: “I hope I win that. I collect mugs.”

Of course, I didn’t get it, but I wasn’t too disappointed.

The next day, my doorbell rang. It was the nun, and she handed me a package.

Nun: “This is for you because you didn’t get the mug yesterday. This is for your collection.”

Before I could say more than, “Thank you,” she turned and left.

In the box were two mugs painted with teddy bears. They were exceedingly ugly, but I cherish them to this day, and they hold pride of place in my collection even fifteen years later.

The weird thing is that I have no idea who she was. I had never met her before, and I don’t know how she knew who I was or where I lived.

Not Providing (Crop) Top Service

, , , , , , | Working | January 15, 2024

I am a curvy girl, and I’m at the merchandise booth of a music festival. A couple of my friends and I find an empty spot at the counter and wait to be helped. The employees are in the midst of helping other customers when we walk up, but even after money has been exchanged, none of the employees move on to me or my friends. I figure they’re still in the middle of a transaction, looking for other merchandise for their customers, etc. But after a few minutes of them wandering around the merch area and no other festival goers at the counter, it’s obvious they’re not waiting on anyone else.

I’m just about to get someone’s attention myself when one of the male employees finally sees me.

Employee: “Can I help you?”

Me: “Yeah, that blue tank top, second in from the right on the bottom row?” *Points* “Can I see that in a large?”

He takes a long look at the merchandise wall.

Employee: “Which one?”

I point again and try to be as clear as possible with my instructions since the shirts aren’t numbered — “right above the purple top on the table,” “the middle of those three tank tops,” etc. Finally, after several attempts at describing the location of the tank I want, the employee walks over to the wall and points at the one next to the one I want, which is also blue.

Me: “The one right next to that… Yeah, that’s the one.”

Employee: “The crop top?”

I didn’t realize it was a crop since it’s quite a flowy, boxy style, so I’m a little surprised.

Me: “Oh, it’s a crop?”

The employee gives me a sympathetic look and speaks with a dejected tone.

Employee: “Yeaaaah, it is.”

He begins walking back over to the counter without the top, which annoys me a little since I never said I’d changed my mind.

Me: “Oh. Okay, well… can I see it in a large?”

He returns to the merch wall and glances into the box where they have the tanks I want.

Employee: “We’re out of that in a large. We have it in an extra large… or just small or medium.”

He begins walking back to me again.

Me: “Can I look at the medium?”

He finally brings me the top. It’s definitely a loose-fitting style, and it looks very similar in cut to a few crop tops that I already own. Plus, I know the brand, and I already own a size medium tank from the same company, so I decide to get it.

Me: “Okay, I’ll take it.”

The employee folded the shirt while I got my money out. He didn’t tell me my total but just waited expectantly for me to hand over my cash. I did so, and he gave me my change and my shirt without another word.

After that pleasant encounter, I still had to wait almost five more minutes for my friends, who’d had to move to another part of the counter before they were actually waited on.

To those several unhelpful employees: I hope you were just tired that day, because every single other festival employee was outperforming you by miles. If you aren’t going to give the great service that’s expected at this event, please consider working elsewhere at the festival.

When They’re Not The Brightest Corn On The Cob

, , , , , | Right | December 1, 2023

We sell roasted corn on the cob at festivals and other events. We are set up in a small college town for a community food truck festival at the beginning of May. The school is in Pennsylvania. Tuition at this school is very expensive, and it is known for its liberal arts curriculum.

I group of young people approached us to purchase corn, and a member of the group asks:

Customer: “Is this locally-sourced corn?”

I smile, while my soul is slowly dying

Me: “The corn is from Southern Florida.”

Customer: “If you will not support local farmers, then I will not support you.”

I feel so bad for whoever is paying $80,000 a year for tuition for a child who does not know that crops do not grow year-round in the Northeastern section of the United States.

Mommy, What’s A Double Entendre?

, , , , , , , | Right | October 5, 2023

I am working at a large Renaissance faire. There is a rather crass singing duo in one of the pavilions while I am serving lunch. We love them to death, as they sing a lot of fun songs and really know how to work the crowd, and while they never use bad language or vulgar words, their clever lyrics don’t leave much to the imagination for those who are listening.

Some of the parents in the audience with younger children are wincing at their humor. After a song is finished, one of them speaks up.

Parent: “Guys, seriously! I have kids here!”

Singer #1: “Sign out front says this pavilion is advised for fourteen and up, my friend!”

Parent: “Yeah, but… it’s a faire!”

[Singer #2] suddenly grabs the mic and launches into an impromptu song. 

Singer #2: “And for those parents giving us mean looks right now, remember this: if your kid gets the joke, it’s not our fault!”

What The Hellenic Are You Talking About?

, , , , , , , , | Right | September 28, 2023

I am working security at a large food festival in a park. A couple of festivalgoers approach me holding a flyer for one of the vendors written in Chinese.

Customer: “You! What does this say?!”

Me: “I don’t know.”

Customer: “What do you mean? It’s Asian.”

Me: “It’s in Chinese.”

Customer: “So… translate!”

Me: “I’m Korean.”

Customer: “That’s almost the same!”

As if by luck, we are standing close to a Greek food vendor, and they have a big sign in Greek above their brand logo. I point at it.

Me: “Tell me what that says.”

Customer: “I can’t read that! It’s not English!”

Me: “It’s almost the same! Translate!”

Customer: “F****** [Asian slur].”

Me: “You wanna say that to a guy that has the power to kick you out?”

Customer: “Uh… sorry.” 

Me: “Glad we’re finally speaking the same language.”