He Has A Spit Personality

, , , , | Right | December 12, 2018

(I am in college, around the turn of the century. I work as a lab operator in the computer labs, keeping an eye on things and helping students. One of the labs that I work in most frequently is located within the library. A student approaches me holding a soda cup and asks for help with… something.)

Me: “Sure, I can help with that; let’s go take a look. But first, I have to tell you that no food or drink is allowed in any computer lab, let alone the library.”

Student: “Oh, it’s okay. It’s just my spit cup.”

(Sadly, I was too young, timid, and shocked to kick him out, or even to explain that a cup full of spit and chewing tobacco would actually be worse to clean out of a computer keyboard. I just let him set it down nearby and helped him with Excel or whatever it was.)

Probably Too Dangerous

, , , , , | Right | October 18, 2018

(I work at a Chinese restaurant as a manager. A lady is getting a take out order.)

Me: “What kind of sauce would you like?”

Customer: “I would like suicide sauce.”

Me: *confused* “Do you mean soy sauce?”

Customer: *getting upset* “No, I want suicide sauce!”

Me: “We don’t approve of suicide, so if suicide had a sauce we would not obtain it for our customer consumption!”

(The lady thought about the situation and agreed to soy sauce. Now I’m curious if there is something called “suicide sauce“.)