There Is No Sub-stitute

| ME, USA | Bizarre

(I work in a popular make-your-own-sandwich shop, with lots of combinations, so it’s easy to understand why people would need a bit of extra time.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Store]! What can I get you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I want to try one of those pizza things.”

Me: “Sure! What kind?”

Customer: “Pepperoni.”

(I start making the pizza — they’re always made to order, as they take only 90 seconds. I had put only the sauce on, no toppings or cheese or anything, when…)

Customer: “That looks gross. I don’t want that any more.”

Me: “Okay, then.” *I put it off to the side* “Can I get you anything else?”

Customer: “Yeah, one of the foot-long Philly cheesesteaks.”

Me: “Okay, on Italian bread?”

Customer: “Yeah, sure, whatever.”

(The customer then proceeds to turn around, walk out of the store, and drive away. I’m standing there holding the steak, just watching and trying to figure out what just happened. I decide to move on, as it is lunch time and we have a line.)

Next Customer: “My turn?”

Me: “Apparently so!”

(The customer never came back.)

Got A Chocolate Chip On Their Shoulder

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Me: “Can I get you anything else today?”

Customer: “I’d like this with a meal, but with cookies instead of chips.”

Me: “All right. What kind of cookies?”

Customer: “Chocolate chip.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; someone just bought the last ones. We have chocolate chip with M&M cookies instead if that’s all right.”

Customer: “Just chocolate chip.”

Me: “We’re out of those at the moment, like I just said, but we have all the other kinds of cookies available right now.”

Customer: “But I got chocolate chip yesterday.”

Me: “Well, we don’t have any right now.”

Customer: “But there were some yesterday. That’s what I got yesterday. Chocolate chip.”

Me: “Well, that was yesterday. TODAY we are out. We have all the other kinds, though.”

Customer: “…But yesterday I got chocolate chip.”

Me: “That’s not what you’re getting today. Not here, anyway.”

(The customer got M&M cookies instead and left looking supremely confused and angry with me for not giving him the chocolate chip cookies we didn’t have.)

Arnold Palmer Says You’re At Tea Total

, | Marion, IN, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I am at college, and my dad has come to visit. We decide to grab a quick bite to eat before he goes back home. Our order is being taken.)

Dad: “Can I have an Arnold Palmer?” *half lemonade half iced-tea*

Cashier: “We are not allowed to mix drinks, sorry.”

Dad: “Do you have lemonade?”

Cashier: “Yes.”

Dad: “Do you have iced-tea?”

Cashier: “Yes.”

Dad: “All right, then mix them!”

Cashier: “The lemonade is fresh and costs a different amount than the iced tea. I’m not allowed to mix drinks.”

Dad: “No one will know.”

Cashier: “It’s against the rules. Which would you like?”

Dad: “An Arnold Palmer.”

Cashier: “I cannot do that.”

Dad: “Yes, you can. You’re just too lazy to—”

Me: “Give it up, dad! She can’t do it. It’s not her fault. You’re probably not the first person to yell at her, and it didn’t change anything. If you want something to change, write to somebody who is in control of the company! It is not her fault!”

Dad: “It is her fault! I want an Arnold Palmer! [Other Restaurant] gives me Arnold Palmers!”

Me: “They have different rules.” *to Cashier* “He’ll get a number five with a lemonade. I’ll get a number five with an iced tea. Could you give us an extra cup?”

(Cashier nods and puts in the order, hands us receipt. My dad takes the receipt and a pen and starts scribbling angrily on the back.)

Me: “What are you doing?”

Dad: “Writing to management.”

Me: “You think they’ll take you seriously if you’re writing on a receipt?”

(My dad blushes, folds the receipt, and puts it in his pocket and goes to sit down. I apologize to the cashier, get the order, then go sit down with him. I take the extra cup and fill it half with iced-tea, half with lemonade, and hand it to him.)

Dad: “But [Other Restaurant] gives me an Arnold Palmer!”

Minimum Wage And Maximum Rudeness

| GA, USA | Bad Behavior, Money

(I work at one of the few McDonald’s in Georgia where the company has started to use the electronic kiosk ordering stations that are used in Europe. A lot of customers feel the need to explain to me that they think these machines are a response to people wanting a $15.00 minimum wage and will eventually put me and other employees out of a job. Usually I ignore the minimum wage comment and explain to them that the reason I actually got my job in the first place is because of these machines, as I help people who don’t know how to use them, but one time someone takes things an [unnecessary] step further. About three months into my time working here, two men in their late-thirties-to-early-forties come in.)

Me: “Good morning. I can take your order right here if you’d like.”

(Both men briefly look at the regular registers, but end up walking back over. The first customer lists off his order very quickly, but I manage to punch in everything on the first try. I start taking his friend’s order when the first customer turns to him and says this:)

Customer: “You know what these machines are for, right? It’s because people want a fifteen-dollar minimum wage.”

(By now I am more than used to this sort of talk, so I decide to ignore him and continue to take his friend’s order. But the first man isn’t done.)

Customer: “Can you believe it? Fifteen dollars an hour, to work at McDonald’s!”

(Normally I pride myself on smiling and staying professional even when I have customers that are jerks, but seriously? I am standing RIGHT THERE! The customer then walks away to wait for his order, so he doesn’t see the death glare I am apparently giving him. His friend notices, though, and gives me the most sincerely apologetic look I’ve ever seen.)

Me: “Just so you know, he’s wrong. He’s not the first to say it, but he’s wrong.”

(He starts to apologize, but I just wave him off.)

Me: “Please don’t feel like you need to apologize for him.”

(He looks relieved that I am not mad at him, and I finish taking his order.)

Customer’s Friend: “I hope you have a nice day, ma’am.”

Me: “You too, sir.”

(Moral of the story: A little politeness goes a long way, and if you’re going to be an a**-hole to people, at the very least do it out of earshot!)

Time To Go On Law-Break

| FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal

(I am working the opening of a new store. Florida law requires all employees under 18 have an unpaid thirty minute break every four consecutive hours they work. Because it is the opening week a lot of employees are working so they can be trained, which means somebody is on break almost all the time. At one point a guest flags me down to complain.)

Customer: “I’ve been standing here forever! And all these kids are just sitting out here ignoring me!”

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am. They are on break.”

Customer: “Well, I still don’t see why they couldn’t help me! They’re just lazy!”

Me: “Ma’am… they are on break. Florida state law requires them to have an uninterrupted break.”

Customer: “It wouldn’t have been hard for them to help me. Kids are just so lazy these days!”

Me: “Ma’am. Unless you want to pay the fines we could incur for them causing us to break the law for helping YOU they aren’t going to help you. But I can.”

Customer: “Well. You don’t have to be rude about it. Now, I need some ketchup!”

Me: “You’re standing right next to it…”

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