A Word To The Unwise

| New Britain, CT, USA | Working | June 10, 2016

(While serving a customer one day, I used a random really big word while we were making small talk, something like “juxtaposition” or “ubiquitous”; I can’t remember. He and my coworker teased me through the rest of the transaction about needing to dumb down my “SAT vocabulary.” Fast forward exactly a week later and I am training a new employee, and we are serving the exact same customer as before. I’m giving my trainee a lesson on how to cut and wrap a sandwich properly so that none of the toppings fall out and it stays secure in the bag, and the customer is watching. What the customer hadn’t seen ten minutes before was that the trainee had wrapped a sandwich incorrectly and when he went to move it, it fell out of the packaging and we had to make another. He was already feeling stupid and embarrassed and I had to reassure him that it was no problem while my coworker cleaned it up.)

Customer: “Training, huh?”

Trainee: “It’s my first job.”

Me: “First day, too, and he’s already doing really well.” *to my trainee* “You are. I’m just super picky about how I teach stuff. This is a good trick to know. You’ll get it faster than you think.”

Customer: “Well, buddy, she’ll do a good job training you. She’s the pro here. Just make sure she remembers to use small words!” *he ribs me across the counter*

Coworker: “Hahahaha!”

Me: “Hahaha!”

Customer: “Hahahaha!”

Trainee: “…” *he scampers to the back room*

Me, Customer, & Coworker: “OH, HONEY, NOOOOOOO! That’s not what we meant! Here, have a cookie! We’ll buy you a cookie! I’M SO SORRY! COME BACK!”

Not Going To Make A Meal Out Of It

| USA | Working | June 9, 2016

(My husband is working on-call late one night, and when he comes home I ask him how things are going.)

Husband: “This, apparently, is not the night to get fast food.”

Me: “Oh? What happened?”

Husband: “I went to [Burger Place] and ordered a number four. And you know, when you order a number that means it’s a meal right?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Husband: “All they gave me was the burger; they didn’t give me my drink or anything. But they only charged me for the burger so I didn’t make a fuss about it. A little later I was still hungry so I went to [Chain Taco Place] and ordered [Specialty Soda] with no ice.”

Me: “Please tell me they at least gave you [Specialty Soda].”

Husband: “Tea. Peach Tea. And they put ice in it.”

Americannot Believe What I Am Hearing

, | Wenatchee, WA, USA | Friendly | June 6, 2016

(I’m a customer in this. I am with a friend of mine and a cousin of his from Alabama, who is visiting. We’re waiting in line to order our food at a local fast food restaurant and we overhear a couple of boys talking about Indian tribes. Now, to me and my friend, it is obvious that they are talking about Native Americans as they are clearly Native American. But the cousin….)

Cousin: “What part of India are you from?”

Customer #1 & #2: *blinks in confusion*

Friend: “You idiot, they’re Native Americans, not from India.”

Cousin: “What? No, they can’t be Native Americans. They went extinct thousands of years ago.”

Me: “Native Americans were here long before our Founding Father’s came to America, dude. And they still live here.”

Cousin: “But the Ice Age killed them.”

(We all stare at him before my friend smacks him upside the head and says:)

Friend: “You dumb-a**! Those were the cavemen you’re thinking about!” *turns to the other two customers* “I am SO sorry about my cousin’s idiocy. I hope he didn’t offend you.”

Customer #1: “No, we were just startled. Though, that is the first time I’ve heard that our people were extinct. I’m going to have to tell Dad about that one. He’ll get a kick out of it!”

Momentarily Shocked

| Hudson, WI, USA | Right | June 2, 2016

(I’m working the drive-thru at my job, and like many of our lunch rushes, we end up getting slammed that day. Since I’m the only one wearing the headset, I have to put a few customers waiting to place an order on hold.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]! I’ll be with you in just a moment.”

Customer: “Okay.” *short pause* “Your moment’s up.”

(I’m startled into a brief silence. I’m fairly certain the guy was joking, but in the middle of a rush, I’m never in the mood for jokes.)

Me: *slowly* “Fine. I’ll be with you in thirty seconds.”

Customer: “That’s better.”

(I was actually ready to take their order about ten seconds after that. But because they decided to pull that rude joke, I counted down to exactly thirty seconds before actually taking their order.)

Message Receipted

| Perth, WA, Australia | Right | May 31, 2016

(I work in drive-thru at a well-known fast food store and I always ask the customer if they want their receipt to make the transaction go quicker.)

Me: “Would you like your receipt today?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: *hands them the receipt*

Customer: *looks me dead in the eye and drops the receipt on the ground and drives away without breaking eye contact*

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