We have some regular customers (a woman and her boyfriend) come through almost every night and order a large iced vanilla coffee with extra cream, extra sugar, and extra vanilla. We hand it to the woman exactly as she orders it, and then two seconds later, she comes up and has her boyfriend tell us that it’s made wrong.

We make it again, slightly different. They come through again and are angry at us, so we then make it how we did the first time — the correct way — and then they leave.

It gets to the point where as soon as we hear her voice, we make up three iced coffees: two to act as decoys and the third to hand out, all made exactly the same.

She doesn’t keep the other coffees, either; we make sure to take those away.

I have a table of college kids, which is pretty standard for a Friday night. I get to one of the girls, who orders one of our specialty burgers.

Customer: “I’d like the portobello and swiss burger.”

A while later, I get the food dropped off, and when I’m checking back on them, the girl is visibly upset.

Customer: “I want a different sandwich!”

Me: “Is there something wrong with your current sandwich?”

Customer: “My burger has mushrooms on it!”

I work for a fast food restaurant. We aren’t very busy at this time of day, so when a man and a young girl I presume is his daughter arrive, there is only one customer in front of them. I can hear them discussing their food plans while waiting.

Man: “What do you want to eat, [Girl]?

Girl: “Dinosaur nuggets!”

The girl says this with excessive excitement. The man seems amused and approving of this response.

Man: “That’s an amazing answer! High-five.”

He gets his high-five, and a little while later he comes up to order. He gets a kid’s chicken nugget meal for the girl.

Me: “Just so you know, sir, our nuggets aren’t shaped like dinosaurs.”

Man: “Oh, thank you for the warning, but she’s fine. That’s not what she meant by dinosaur nuggets.”

Girl: “They don’t look like dinosaurs; they’re made from dinosaurs.”

I should probably mention I’ve never been good with kids. It’s not that I hate them or anything; I just never know how to respond to all the random things they say and do. I probably should just nod and not worry about what a little girl is saying, but instead, I foolishly try to correct her.

Me: “They’re actually made out of chickens.”

Girl: *Mildly exasperated* “I know! That’s the dinosaur!”

Me: “Umm… okay.”

The man has been watching with a look of amusement at this discussion but finally decides to help clarify.

Man: “She’s actually right. I was teaching this smart young lady about dinosaurs yesterday and told her that the last of the dinosaurs evolved into birds, so technically, all birds are dinosaurs. Great job, [Girl], for remembering and helping to teach others about them.”

And that’s the story of how I got schooled on dinosaurs by a kid who may or may not have been old enough to be in school herself.

I’m at a semi-famous fast food chain that has “kosher-style dogs” on its menu, in a part of the US that’s rather notorious for its lack of religious diversity. The entire state has fewer than 6,000 Jews. Although “kosher-style” means it’s not certified kosher (and I don’t really care), I still get a good laugh out of this exchange.

Me: “Can I get a kosher dog, please?”

Cashier: “Would you like cheese or bacon on it?”

I just about fall over laughing. Afterward, I text a Jewish friend about it.

Friend: “Correct answer: ‘both.'”

I am on a long road trip and get hungry. As I’m in a rural area, there are not many options for food, and I end up stopping at a fast food place I typically try to avoid. Inside there is a sign that says that due to staff shortages, customers need to order from the kiosks. There is one employee working the front end, making the specialty drinks, calling out order numbers, and handling customer complaints.

Our order numbers are listed in order on a TV screen above the pick-up counter. Every number is being called out in order, without variation. I am order number seventeen, and until order number sixteen gets their food, there is no issue. I move up to the counter as I should be next, but a man shoves his way in front of me.

Man: “Where is my order? I’ve been waiting for five minutes!”

Employee: “Sir, you have order number nineteen. You need to wait until your number is called. There are customers ahead of you.”

Man: “I don’t care! I ordered four kids’ meals and four apple pies. Give them to me now!”

Employee: “Sir, I can’t do that. There are customers who have been waiting longer.”

Man: “I left my kids in the car alone! The oldest is only six! They’re probably crying with starvation by now. You are literally starving my babies! I won’t wait a minute longer. Give me my kids’ meals!”

The employee puts a rush on his order after that, and he is served next. The employee looks flustered but begins making a medium pineapple mango smoothie, which I ordered. A woman in a business suit pushes her way past me and begins drumming her nails on the counter. The employee sets the smoothie and a bag containing a chicken sandwich and apple slices on the counter. The woman immediately grabs the smoothie.

Employee: “Order number seventeen!”

Woman: “This is wrong! I ordered a salad.”

Employee: “No, number seventeen had a smoothie, sandwich, and apples.”

Woman: “Are you stupid? I had a smoothie and a salad!”

Me: “She’s not stupid. That’s my smoothie you took. We must have ordered the same one. That is my order.”

Woman: “Don’t defend her. She made my order wrong. Get me my f****** salad!”

Employee: “Yes, ma’am.”

The employee, now looking extremely confused and flustered, bags the woman’s salad and puts it on the counter.

Employee: “So sorry for the mix-up. I don’t know how I got the order numbers confused.”

Woman: “Whatever.”

The employee now starts making an iced coffee.

Me: “Ma’am, I still haven’t gotten my smoothie. Medium pineapple mango.”

Employee: “I already made that.”

Me: “And the lady with the salad took it. I ordered the same one, with the sandwich and apples.”

Employee: “Oh, my gosh! I am so sorry! I thought the smoothie went with that order! I didn’t realize two customers ordered the same one. I was so confused when she said she ordered a salad. I’ll make your smoothie now.”

She made my smoothie and then checked the order numbers. The woman with the salad was order number twenty, which is why the employee hadn’t seen her smoothie order yet. If the customers had just waited for their turns like they were supposed to, we wouldn’t have had an issue.