I’m working at a Tex-Mex fast food place. It’s lunchtime, and we have a long line.

Customer: “I want two tacos, no grease.”

Me: “So that’s an empty corn tortilla? No fillings?”

Customer: “What?! No! I want the beef!”

Me: “Then it’ll come with grease.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you just try your best?”

Me: “Sure.”

I get her two beef tacos, making no attempt to remove any of the usual grease. She just looks at them.

Me: “That’s the best you’re going to get.”

She pays and takes her tacos to a table in the corner. She takes out each individual piece of minced beef and presses it between some napkins. She does this for every… single… piece.

She only starts eating it a full half an hour later, and then brings the dried-out tacos back up to the counter and complains:

Customer: “These are cold…” 

I wanted to reward her perseverance by placing the tacos under a heater for a minute, but we’re not allowed to take food back from the customer. Still, it’s crazy to think she thought we’d have time to do that for a $7 order in the middle of a lunch rush…

This was back around 2000 or so, when we were living in a town in Middle Georgia. A nearby hamburger place where my teenage daughter had been working was closing down for major remodeling. She was assigned to another location, but I went by the old location (next to a hotel) a few times a week, due to where I was shopping.

One afternoon, about the time school was supposed to let out, I drove by the burger place. We’re talking three-quarters of the building was gone, the parking lot was torn up, construction equipment everywhere, but the drive-through radio setup hadn’t been torn down yet.

There was a woman, standing in the open driver’s door of her car, beating on the drive-through two-way radio like she was going to FORCE that thing to start working. Apparently, if the drive-through was there, somebody should take her order and fix her a burger, fries, and a shake; never mind the kitchen was missing.

I slowed down to watch her repeatedly hit that drive-through radio as it OWED her some food or some money.

I did not try to drive up behind her to point out that the building and parking lot were all torn up. Clearly, she was not in the mood to be told “no” about anything.

The burger place reopened a month or two later, larger, with a new kitchen, and a bigger play area, and it’s still there. I wonder if she went in and complained to the manager when it finally had that “grand reopening”?

One day at work, for my lunch break, I decided to run around the corner to a burger place.

The drive-through was packed, so I decided to just go inside. There was a homeless fellow out front who wasn’t asking for money, but some food. I could tell he was legitimately in a bad way, so I told him, “Yeah, no problem, man, sit tight, and I’ll bring you a couple of burgers.”

I ordered two for me and two for him, and as I’m waiting for our order to be called, I noticed an employee had gone outside to pester him and tell him he can’t be there and has to leave, etc.

I go out and explain he’s waiting for me; I was going to bring him some food. The worker adamantly stated that he cannot stand out front because it’s bothering other customers.

Well, I wasn’t about to let them run him off because he’s hungry and actually about to get some food.

SO, I decided that instead of taking my food back to my office, I’d go ahead and eat in the restaurant, with my new friend as company. Two minutes later, our order was called, and we ate we had a nice chat. He told me about why he’s homeless and why he doesn’t trust the shelters here, etc. After we finished eating, we both left the restaurant and parted ways. Never saw him again, but he seemed like an alright guy.

Customer: “Is the broccoli gluten-free?”

Me: “Of course.”

Customer: “It doesn’t look gluten-free.”

Me: “Broccoli is naturally gluten free.”

Customer: “But they’re so… chunky!”

Me: “What does that have to do with it being gluten free?”

Customer: “If it’s big or fat, that’s the gluten?”

Me: “Gluten is a protein from wheat and rye.”

Customer: “No, gluten is from gluttony, which means fat. If something is fat and chunky, it’s because of all the gluten. I know words.”

Me: “Well… I can promise that our Broccoli is gluten-free.”

Customer: “Hmm… fine, but if I taste any gluten I’ll be asking for a refund.”

I work in a fast-food place; hence, no one here is exactly a gourmet chef. A guy is ordering at the drive-through:

Customer: “Yeah, let me get a biscuit and gravy.”

Me: “Alrighty, what else for you today?”

Customer: “Can you explain that to me?”

A few moments of silence.

Me: “Explain what?”

Customer: “What a biscuit and gravy is?”

Me: “It’s a biscuit, which is like a buttery bread… with gravy on it.”

Customer: “Okay, how do you make it?”

Me: “Usually with flour, shortening—”

Customer: “—That’s how you personally make it?”

Me: “Well, I don’t personally make it. I just take a ready-made biscuit and… put gravy on it… in a tray.”

Customer: “Okay, I want ten of those.”