(I enter a fast food restaurant close to where I live. I notice that the guy behind the counter is alone despite there being a huge line. When he finally gets to me, he looks very frazzled.)

Employee: “I’m afraid you’ll have to wait a while since your order isn’t ready.”

Me: “That’s fine.”

(A quarter of an hour later I still haven’t got my food, but I’m in no hurry, so I keep waiting. Suddenly he looks up at me and I can see all the blood draining from his face.)

Employee: “Oh, my god. I completely forgot about you. I’m so sorry! You can have your meal for free if you like.”

Me: “I paid by card, and I don’t want to give you any extra trouble since you’re understaffed. So, don’t worry about it.”

Employee: “I could give you a free ice cream? Or an extra burger?”

Me: “Really, I’m completely fine, and you’re just tired. It could’ve happened to anyone.”

(At first he just stares at me, looking like he might just cry from relief.)

Employee: “You’re the best thing that’s happened to me all day. Let me get your order.”

(When I checked my bag, I found that he’d put coupons for two free meals there, along with a hastily scribbled thank you note.)

Me: “Welcome to [Fast Food Chain]; can I take your order?”

Customer: “I’ll have [order].”

Me: “Okay, I have a [order]? Can I get you anything else?”

Customer: “Nope.”

Me: “Thanks. Your total will be [total].”

(The customer drives up to the window.)

Customer: *smugly* “You forgot to tell me to please drive through.*

Me: “Sir, if I need to tell someone to drive through, then I’m not sure I want to deal with them when they eventually find the window.”

(I stop in a popular doughnut and coffee chain for some doughnut holes, which they sell in the same variety of flavours as their doughnuts. The very young man behind the counter has a badge that says ‘TRAINEE’ and his trainer behind him can’t be much older.)

Trainee: “Can I help you?”

Me: “I would like a box of 20 doughnut holes please. Assorted.”

(The trainee takes a box, opens it, and takes a piece of parchment paper to the display case. He looks at the top shelf, the middle shelf, and the bottom, several times, before turning to his trainer.)

Trainee: “What flavour is ‘sorted’?”

Trainer: “‘Assorted.’ It means he wants two of each.”

Trainee: “Oh, yeah.”

Me: *laughing* “Young man, you just made my day!”

(I am fresh out of high school. I work at a popular fast food chain and my long-term partner lives about an hour away. I have just returned from a short vacation, during which I spent my time at her house. As we didn’t see each other often we had to make the most of our time together. A customer in his 50s, male, is at my counter.)

Customer: “You’ve been a naughty girl.”

Me: “… Excuse me?”

Customer: “You’ve been very naughty.” *points at me*

Me: “Uh… what?”

Customer: “The marks on your neck.”

Me: *instinctively pull up my collar, embarrassed*

Customer: “That’s all right. Seems like you’ve got a lucky boy on your hands.” *winks*

(A young man comes into the store and approaches the counter. He is probably about 17 or 18, dressed all in black, with hair down to his waist and fingernails that are about two inches long.)

Customer: “Hi. I’d like to apply for a job.”

Me: “Okay, just fill out this application.”

(He takes the application, fills it out, and leaves. I immediately look through it. Under ‘tell us about yourself’ he wrote: ‘I am a gothic semi-pantophile. The smallest things excite me.’ We has to look up pantophile. It means someone who is sexually aroused by anything. We didn’t hire him.)